To think it’s odd for someone to have their phone on DND for days?

[thoughtfulfriend]

Hi everyone,

I’m trying to understand a situation with a friend who’s recently put their phone on Do Not Disturb, and it’s been like this for several days now. We had no major falling out, but communication has been a bit strained. They mentioned being ill and needing some quiet, but it's unusual to not have any communication for this long.

AIBU to think it's a bit odd for someone to keep their phone on DND for such an extended period? Could this be a sign of something more, like needing space or dealing with something personal? I’m trying to respect their space, but I’m also a bit worried. Would appreciate any insights or similar experiences.

They might just have forgotten they did it. DD does this regularly when it's been turned on so she can work, then forgets and wonders why no one has been in touch...

My phone is permanently on silent, if it is on DND you must vw able to have contact with them know what you know about it

I presume they will contact you when they feel the need

I can see where this is done to be honest. When my daughter was born I had my phone on DND for about 10 days, I was absolutely shattered, was recovering from birth, I was overwhelmed and just didn’t want to see a million notifications popping up on my phone with messages etc that I then felt pressured to reply to. I can see where if I was unwell or going through something in my personal life I would do it again, it gave me the space I needed

My phone is alalways on silent, I check it semi regularly. Nothing is so urgent I need to answer the phone immediately

My phone was on DND for about 6 months straight a few years ago. I was overwhelmed by calls and texts. When I did see those calls/texts I would return them when I could. Wasn't personal to anybody

Someone I know does this for a few weeks at a time

of course people who are important to her can get through in those periods

I don’t think DND works the same on all phones but if you’re sure that’s what it is, then I’d imagine she’s fine

With the person I mentioned, I find she normally reappears and sends a message eventually but I’ve assumed it’s no longer a friendship.

I get tired of no reply to messages but there’s no bad feeling from my side. DND is a message in itself if it goes on for ages.

i hope your friend is recovering. Sorry I’m tired so I keep editing 😂 illness is different isn’t it. Could be a while.

They mentioned being ill and needing some quiet,..

So it’s not odd then. Many illnesses last longer than a few days.

its easier to put/leave on DND that silencing all app notifications

Not really, my son often leaves his phone like that for long periods of time. I think he does it because he doesn't want his phone invading his life (sometimes)! But he still calls and messages when he wants to,

I don't think it's odd at all. Especially if people are dealing with mental health issues and just need peace, quiet and alone time.

Mine is always on DND in some form, I have it set up to go into different focus modes (there are work/sleep options on iPhone) depending on time of day. I’m much more relaxed for it.

It never means that I’m ignoring any person in particular, more that I want to just be able to ignore notifications in general.

My phone is always on silent.. and i just switch to DND when i go to bed! i have it set up for certain people to contact me DH, DC and that thats it.. How do you know its on DND? has the friend told you this?

I'd just check in your friend, a quick, hi hope you are ok and then take it from there.

Do they have no other friends or family? Are you their sole/main social connection?

My phone is on DND a lot, always when I'm driving. I only turn it off If I'm expecting an important call or if I have plans with someone that day. It's nice to not be constantly available.

It's not healthy to be contactable 24/7. Try it sometime, it's very freeing.
Why do you think rates of anxiety and depression have skyrocket since non stop notifications became a thing.

My teens do this all the time. It drives me potty.

I put my phone on DND a lot as it's the only easy way that seems to silence all the bloody app notifications on my phone. I can still see the WhatsApp/text/call notification pop up so i will get back to people. It just stops it being a distraction when I'm trying to get things done as the vibrate only setting wasn't helping.

It's not unusual for me to leave my phone on DND for extended periods of time. Sometimes it is deliberate, sometimes I just forget. I don't get a lot of phone calls anyway but I get fed up with phone notifications from apps etc. If I could only turn it on when I needed to make a call, I honestly would. But I freaked my partner out before by going on holiday and forgetting my phone was on DND.

I’m possibly a bit of a dinosaur with my phone. Is it notifications from friends and family that’s driving you nuts? or is it notifications from apps and things. Because I always disable those.

I can't imagine noticing if a friend had DND on for a few days!

I don't do instantly contactable for anyone but DP or DD. Anyone else can wait until I'm free before they get message back.

I sometimes feel that there is an expectation now that we are all available at all times.

Realistically, although it can be frustrating if you're trying to get hold of someone, we need to remember that people need time to themselves. Therefore, I often put my phone on DND (except for my teenagers in case of an emergency).

If someone leaves me an answerphone message I'll ring them back if I need to.

In addition though, I absolutely HATE talking on the phone and would much prefer to send a message!

I have my phone on silent apart from calls all the time because notifications stress me out - I just check my phone regularly.
If she's going through a difficult time she might just need space , but also it could just be that she's forgotten about it

My phone is permanently silent. I choose when to check and how urgently I need to respond.

My phone is for me to use, not for other people to be able to access me.

I hate being so available. I often purposely take a while to answer messages and put my phone on DND when burnt out or busy.

Having boundaries around communication and devices is increasingly important these days.

My phone is also always on silent.
I choose when I want to be available to people.

My daughters have their phone on DND most of the time. My DH has his on silent all time. I turn mine on DND in the evenings.

Nobody needs to be contactable at all times if they don't want to be.
She obviously just wants time away from her phone.