To think it’s odd for someone to have their phone on DND for days?

[thoughtfulfriend]

Hi everyone,

I’m trying to understand a situation with a friend who’s recently put their phone on Do Not Disturb, and it’s been like this for several days now. We had no major falling out, but communication has been a bit strained. They mentioned being ill and needing some quiet, but it's unusual to not have any communication for this long.

AIBU to think it's a bit odd for someone to keep their phone on DND for such an extended period? Could this be a sign of something more, like needing space or dealing with something personal? I’m trying to respect their space, but I’m also a bit worried. Would appreciate any insights or similar experiences.

My phone is always on DND and it’s the norm for most people I know.

Maybe your friend is like me. You see I have a phone, but, it is for me to use. I don’t pay for it so people can contact me. If I don’t want to deal with it I put it on DND.

It is not personal, it’s called living my life how I want to. I do not have to be on call 24 hours a day for anyone.

Mine too. I remember when a phone would sit on a table in the hall and mind it's own business. I do check it and respond but I would feel overwhelmed if I was receiving constant notifications .

Mine is on permanent silent mode and usually dumped on the side in the kitchen or buried at the bottom of my bag.
Most of the time I don't want disturbing whether I'm at home or out and about, as I'm usually either busy or relaxing.
I have all notifications turned off permanently too.

DH always has his on DND because he gets distracted easily and is now self employed and always home

Mine is on 247 I swap between nights and days too often to want some randomer disturbing my inability to sleep..phone contacts can get through if call more than once in a short period of time

How do you know, does the phone give out a message when it's on DND? Mine is permanently on DND because I worry about it ringing in meetings. I didn't realise it effected other people though. I still get calls and messages through just silently.

I sometimes put mine on DND when i'm on Zoom or in the theatre/cinema then forget to put it back on. I tend to check messages when I'm on the laptop, as I'm not eating/talking to someone/out when I'm looking at that. My mum has a habit of ringing at inconvenient times and launching into conversation whether it's convenient or not. When I had a landline she would start by saying 'I tried you at home but there was no answer so I rang you on your mobile as I knew you were out.' Er, yes. I'm out - what makes you think I want to chat?

I would leave your friend a message, and she'll get back to you when she's free.

Mine switches DND on sometimes automatically (like when it thinks you've got in a car) and isn't always as good at deciding when to switch it off

This. I refuse to be constantly available. I also get no notifications and am not using Last Seen on WhatsApp.

How can you tell whether someone has their phone on DND?

surely you send messages and get no answer, but is there a way to tell if the receiving phone is on DND or not?

I’d assume though even if a phone is on DND they’re still reading the messages, just not being interrupted by constant phone buzzing. I put my dnd on when I’m on nights, but read when I get up 🤷‍♀️

They mentioned being ill and needing some quiet

So they have explained, in effect, why they have done it. You should just leave them be for a bit. I can understand you being worried but I also don't think that "several days" is an "extended period of time."

Fwiw my phone is always on silent, sometimes switched off for a day or two if I forget about it, and not always with me when I go out. But that is normal behaviour for me.

DS lives his entire life with his oho e on dnd, it's infuriating

What I think is odd is you expecting someone to always be available to respond to calls.

I think people have developed some really strange expectations since social media and mobile phones became a thing...

Thinking everyone should be contactable 24/7 is not healthy.

Your friend is just does not want to be disturbed/has other priorities at the moment. Respect that.