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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not inviting SIL on holiday?

62 replies

EnidSpyton · 28/08/2024 23:02

I recently went on a short break with my sister. We don’t live near each other and have busy lives, childcare to sort out etc so we haven’t been away together just us in probably a decade. We had such a lovely time and it was so special to be alone together without kids, partners etc.

We had a family lunch over the bank holiday - our brother and his wife were there. SIL asked how our holiday was, and we had what seemed to be a perfectly nice and friendly conversation about it. However later on my brother took me to one side and said SIL was really upset she hadn’t been invited to go away with us and he felt really disappointed that we hadn’t included her.

I was taken aback by this and felt awful that SIL was so upset. It had never occurred to me to ask her. Neither my sister nor I have any issues with her - we all get along well - but surely we are entitled to spend time together on our own?

I’m interested to know what other people think - are my sister and I in the wrong here? Do we owe SIL an apology?

OP posts:
Lengokengo · 03/09/2024 19:24

My DH has sisters. They went, with their mother on a 3 day trip away. When they came back one SIL showed me the photos. She apologised for not including me. It didn’t occur to me that I should be, so I batted the apology away. It was no drama on either side, for me that’s normal!

5128gap · 03/09/2024 19:36

AyeDeadOn · 28/08/2024 23:11

I think your sister in law is bonkers

I'm fairness the woman would have confided her private thoughts to her own husband. He chose to share it with OP and you dont know what spin he put on it if he thought his wife should have been included. Clearly SiL had not intended to make it known as she'd been fine about it to OP.

RawBloomers · 03/09/2024 20:19

What does your brother do for you, OP?

I’m asking because it seems somewhat inappropriate to me for a brother to express “disappointment” in you for this unless there is good reason for him to think you owe him in some way.

So if he has really gone out of his way to help you out in some way, or if there’s a lot of that sort of give and take in your relationship and he could feel that you have perhaps taken advantage of his generosity, then I could sort of see where his disappointed might stem from - The idea that you weren’t happy to reciprocate when he’s been generous. (Although still unreasonable and misguided as you weren’t aware of your DSiL’s desire to go away with you and your DSis).

But the way you write about it, it sounds more paternalistic. As though he’s decided he has rights over you in a way you don’t have over him. And if that’s the case, that isn’t just miscommunication and misplaced expectations that can be worked on, that’s an egotistical attitude which dooms any sort of reasonable relationship.

FrazzledFTworkingMum · 03/09/2024 20:44

how very odd that she thought she would be entitled to be asked on a sister trip. I wouldn't dream of inviting my SIL on a sister trip, nor would my other sister with a SIL! Then again my SIL is a tight fisted dick who wouldn't even come on a trip lol.
Does she not have sisters or close friends she goes away with?

Beachumbrella · 03/09/2024 20:46

Goodness. You did nothing wrong in the slightest.

CosyLemur · 03/09/2024 21:03

I think it depends on the dynamic of the 3 of you. If you regularly do things together - meals, drinks, shopping etc then I think its obvious that your sil would feel hurt not to be invited.

Aligirlbear · 03/09/2024 21:12

YANBU at all . 2 sisters going away for a short break with shared interests etc. is perfectly fine and normal, you don’t need to invite your SIL. The odd shopping trip / lunch with her is fine.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 03/09/2024 22:41

Sisters are a totally different thing. You grew up together.

Wall810 · 05/09/2024 18:02

I meet my sisters a few times a week and go away on day trips, weekends, holidays with them. Get on fine with SIL but she’s not close to my sisters and has her own friends whom I wouldn’t expect to join in with all the time or on hols. Seems ‘odd’ to me!

LondonLawyer · 28/01/2025 01:45

I'd only get this if you had two sisters, and you and one went away together (without some specific point / reason / shared interest the third doesn't have). I don't think I'd invite one sister on a general holiday away together and ignore our other sister, and it might feel a bit weird if they did it to me. But my sisters do share a particular, intense interest which for both crosses both hobby and work, and I think they've been away (together) connected to that, and that didn't bother me at all. I might feel a bit hurt (wouldn't say so!) if they pushed off for a long weekend as a general sisterly holiday together without inviting me, though.

meh2025 · 01/02/2025 00:01

It's great that your SIL is just being openly weird, childish and super entitled, forewarned is forearmed as they say. What's up with your brother though? Could she have bullied him into making this inappropriate comment to you? Or is he just a complete idiot?

JimHalpertsWife · 01/02/2025 00:03

LondonLawyer · 28/01/2025 01:45

I'd only get this if you had two sisters, and you and one went away together (without some specific point / reason / shared interest the third doesn't have). I don't think I'd invite one sister on a general holiday away together and ignore our other sister, and it might feel a bit weird if they did it to me. But my sisters do share a particular, intense interest which for both crosses both hobby and work, and I think they've been away (together) connected to that, and that didn't bother me at all. I might feel a bit hurt (wouldn't say so!) if they pushed off for a long weekend as a general sisterly holiday together without inviting me, though.

Why have you reviived this? It's so old and the OP barely returned to it herself.

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