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Herons: shoot them, shoot the statuesque, marriage-wrecking little bleeders

88 replies

Threadworm · 17/04/2008 20:45

I knew that herons took fish from ornamental ponds but when we reurned from a morning out and saw that 20 fish were gone and one big fat fish was stranded next to the pond, I thought that was too much for a heron to manage right next to a busyish street.

So I called the police and reported fish thieves, then phoned my fish-loving DH at work.

Huge row followed -- him thinking that we should lock the gates at all time to keep out thieving yobs and me thinking that we should risk the odd theft rather than be so anti-social.

I hang up, start to doubt that thieving yobs would operate in broad daylight and only nick small cheap fish rather than large expensive ones. I do a little online research and discover that our little crime scene bears all the hallmarks of heron attack. They are especially likely to skewer big fish and then fail to cram them down their greedy throats, so leaving them at side of pond.

Marriage saved.

(Don't really want to shoot them, with their cute pterodactyl lurchings across the sky. But still, bastards, eh?)

OP posts:
suedonim · 18/04/2008 16:37

A friend of mine once had to listen to her neighbour carping on (sorry!) about how the dastardly herons had stolen all the fish from her garden pond. It slowly dawned on friend that the said pond must have been the source of the 'ickle fishies' her cat sweetly deposited most mornings on the second step of her stairs. And no, she didn't own up!

Fridayfeeling · 18/04/2008 16:48

One not discussed yet..........other people's cats. Crapping.

They could surely join the wall?

Califrau · 18/04/2008 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuintessentialShadows · 18/04/2008 23:40

What I would like to know, of course, in the current state of affairs, is if the pheasants would be able to advice me on what mixer taps to chose for my bathroom. I am stumped.

Monkeybird · 19/04/2008 09:54

girlfrommars, you forgot bears and gnus (or is it gnu, like sheep...?) lining up for the firing squad.

Sheep, they're a pain in the arse too.

Where I live, it's mainly students who pollute my garden: can we shoot them?

fireflytoo · 19/04/2008 10:14

I definitely would like to add all my neighbours' cats to the list...

A silly joke: Little girl is digging a hole in the garden. Nasty neighbour lady says: Why are you digging a hole little girl? LG: I am burying my goldfish. NOL: That hole is too big for a goldfish stupid little girl. LG: That's because it is inside your f**ing cat.

OrmIrian · 21/04/2008 09:16

Ooh ooh!!! I forgot a pest we need to add to the list. Peacocks!! Yep, my auntie gets peacocks from the castle across the road flatteneing her plants.

How's that for one-upmanship

Hallgerda · 21/04/2008 10:12

Actually, I know a peacock which wanders off from the mansion that's supposed to be its home and hangs out round a block of council flats terrorising the neighbourhood cats, OrmIrian!

suedonim · 21/04/2008 16:57

Califrau, my friend had a gay pheasant in her garden. His partner was a peacock!

ladymariner · 21/04/2008 17:58

Herons are just evil fish-robbing bastards!! Especially the one that was intent on clearing out my pond till I put wire across it and stopped the beast (wire across the pond, not the heron, but given half a chance......)
Incidentally, I've eaten peacock!! Now who's winning the one-upmanship stakes?

MicrowaveOnly · 21/04/2008 18:06

girlfrom

you've missed out Koi.

Any idiot (male invariably) who pays £100's /£1000's of pounds for essentially a posh goldfish, deserves no sympathy.

Bully for the heron!!

Califrau · 21/04/2008 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Threadwworm · 08/05/2008 11:03

Just updating the list of garden wildlife that behaves unacceptably and should probably be shot:

Blackbirds -- for scratching out compost in my plant pots just because they want to find something to eat

Housemartins -- for pooing copiously down the side of my house and for not having the sense to NOT FLY INTO MY BEDROOM

Thank you.

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