Herons: shoot them, shoot the statuesque, marriage-wrecking little bleeders

[Threadworm]

I knew that herons took fish from ornamental ponds but when we reurned from a morning out and saw that 20 fish were gone and one big fat fish was stranded next to the pond, I thought that was too much for a heron to manage right next to a busyish street.

So I called the police and reported fish thieves, then phoned my fish-loving DH at work.

Huge row followed -- him thinking that we should lock the gates at all time to keep out thieving yobs and me thinking that we should risk the odd theft rather than be so anti-social.

I hang up, start to doubt that thieving yobs would operate in broad daylight and only nick small cheap fish rather than large expensive ones. I do a little online research and discover that our little crime scene bears all the hallmarks of heron attack. They are especially likely to skewer big fish and then fail to cram them down their greedy throats, so leaving them at side of pond.

Marriage saved.

(Don't really want to shoot them, with their cute pterodactyl lurchings across the sky. But still, bastards, eh?)

Best title all week. Lol

love the title sorry about the fish.

I would get a net over the pond and lock the back gate (against other things not herons)

Get a metal grid. Also stops small children from drowning (which is a bonus ) Herons can also make holes in the liner at the bottom of the pond.

Herons: an apology

I may have given the slight impression on this thread that herons were the fish-thieving scum that ate my goldfish yesterday and caused a life-changing argument with my DH.

I now accept unreservedly that the cormorant or shag (never know which is which) that neighbours now tell me they saw in the vicinity of my house at the time of the incident was in fact the culprit.

I am sorry for any distress caused to these goldfish scoffing scum elegant adornments to our countryside, and I will make a small donation to a charity of their choice.

(How ironic that it was a shag, rather than the absence of a shag, that caused my DH to be so sulky with me. Makes a change.)

rofling

I imagine furry leopards don't work with cormorants or shags. you'll be needed a Barbie I imagine.

I'm rather concerned about the toy leopard?

Has he survived the massacre and marital discord in the Threadworm household????

My friend's cat used to drag stuffed toys home as his prey from gardens round the neighbourhood....

Threadworm, if you hear "To Whit, To Woo!" that's actually two owls. One says "To Whit" and the other "To Woo". The latter is, of course, what the conversation is all about.

As for writing birdsong down, I suspect it may be easier in Swedish - I'm sure those with a copy of the Collins Bird Guide will know what I mean .

I can reveal that your shag is none other than Skarfie the Safe Shag, who's in need of fish after travelling the Shetlands squawking about condoms. (If you don't believe this one, check out Birds Britannica).

Safe shag. There's a thought. I will put a condom on his beak.

A shag? I thought they only ate buns.
No...that's the bears isn't it? The shags used the bags for nests.

Sorry threadworm but it's a myth they land next to the pond.Herons can take off and land like harrier jump jets(straight up /straight down).Also plastic herons are a myth , I've seen 2 herons in one garden pond,both definately alive

My brother has a koi pond and the only thing to stop the blighter's is either a net across the top of the pond or fishing wire in a grid system about 8 ft over the top of your garden where the pond is.

My brothers tried both and they seem to be the only things that do work.

But what about the gnus at the bottom of your Capability Brown lakes? What are you going to do about them?

I obviously know bugger all about wildlife ( e.g.can't tell whether real owl or someone winding me up)

But......is there really an animal called a shag ? Are you taking the piss too??

...yes, there is a bird called a shag, a bit like a cormorant.

In defence of magpies, herons, pigeons, rabbits etc I think it would be fair to say that, on balance human beings have destroyed the habitats, homes and food sources of far more animals than those remaining animals will ever manage to damage in our gardens.

the common cormorant or shag

Surely a 'gnu' is what Cod would use to threaten cormorants/shags/herons etc.

here you go

www.youtube.com/watch?v=afdsL23fa5s

not that I can get the blardy thing to load...

entertaining thread this lol

we hate the badgers at the bottom of our garden

they are slowly destroying our garden

it wuill be a paracetamol wrapped in bacon soon [taps nose]

lolol @ theardworm

Oh good. Now I will be able to google Welsh-language sites for info on fish protection. Problem solved.

Badgers duly added to the 'wildlife that will be put up against the wall' list.

The common cormorant or shag,
Lays eggs inside a paper bag,

de dum ..to keep the lightning out.
But wandering bands of bears with buns
Steal the bags to catch the crumbs.

My parents have their garden ravages by badgers, squirrels, doves, and deer.

We have slugs.

Ok, so:

magpies, aphids, herons, foxes, otters, rabbits, moles, slugs, snails, mice, pheasant, squirrels, badgers, pigeons, owls, cormorant and/or shag.

We're going to need a really long wall.

Ah, and doves + deer.

Big wall