Overwhelmed with never ending list

[Stickytoffeepudding6]

Hello

Totally feeling sorry for myself and overwhelmed.

My house is a mess and I'm itching to do a deep clean. My washing basket is bottomless.

My partner might as well be a teenager (please no comments about leaving him) because I have to pick up after him.

Everywhere needs painting. My job is so busy.

I've completely neglected the way I look and it shows.

I'm constantly exhausted so TTC is out of the window.

I just look at my list and leave it so my anxiety is bad.

Saturday I said I would do it all but I just want to go out and do some shopping and meet my friend. But I feel guilty.

Shake me please.

I hear you . House difficult to manage - stressful job and in down time just want to enjoy time off not do stuff in house .
DH so so messy ,leaves stuff out - I just go around clearing up ! Hate it - have you tried to talk about that ? I have tried and he tries but it's not great .. and it takes me ALOT of time!

Best way to tackle this is to do a chores list.

Soo Monday you strip the kitchen and deep clean it.

Tuesday: you strip the lounge and deep clean.

Wednesday: you deep clean bathrooms/bathroom.

Thursday: you deep clean your bedroom.

Friday: you deep clean another bedroom.

Saturday: if you have a third bedroom you deep clean that.

Sunday you chill.

Then all the house is deep cleaned you can then tackle the washing or even inbetween this put a load of washing on a day just the one?

Small steps help because it becomes extremely overwhelming!

I'm a single mum of 4 children with a 4 bed house and two bathrooms I totally get and understand where you are coming from. I do a lot of my cleaning at night time when they are in bed too soo then I wake up and it's not soo messy and I'm not completely overwhelmed with the mess. I do the rooms like this every week, (not deep clean) once the deep clean is done the rest is easier to keep up with. I hoover every day, I wash up what's used as it's used, I dust once a week, I clean the toilets 3 times a week, I mop floors twice a week (this is just me though) It's just how I keep up with my housework otherwise it would get out of hand and I'm the same I get over whelmed and just go out all day everyday so I don't have to see it lol.

Small steps are the best steps, set up a plan of the day but don't over do it just do what you can when you can. I hope this helps 😊

P.s working and tidying up and looking after the home is hard work don't feel too bad it will get done 😊

The good news is if you have a baby with him he’ll change and become totally responsible and equitable!

Sorry just another thing when it comes to painting maybe set one day a week and a few hours in that day too get some painting done, also speak to your other half about helping out more and cleaning up after himself maybe he doesn't realise how it's affecting you. Sometimes you just got to communicate. 😊

Unnecessary comment 🙄

Look up The Organised Mum Method. I'm out of the small kids phase now, but at the time it was so useful.
I also had a useless husband....note had.

Why the fuck you would ever try to have a baby with this man is beyond me. If you think any of this will get better with a baby thrown in, you're delusional. Your life will feel like you're constantly treading water so you don't drown, and you'll have a baby you have to keep out of the water at the same time, too.

I want to have a baby because I love him. He's kind and caring and makes me laugh. He loves me.

He's just messy. Not enough to make me pack my bags, swear off men and move back with my parents! Godsake.

It's not a drama. I just need him to go away for few days so can get on top of everything.

Thank you xxx

Thank you. I just need a good day in to sort it all

Tear up the list💐

That's what I've been doing and my house is awful now. Did get my car cleaned this week though.

When I feel overwhelmed with everything I write a list of everything that needs done and start doing the easiest jobs first. I tick them off as I go, I find being able to see the list getting smaller makes me feel less anxious and like I’m actually getting somewhere.

I know you’re pre-empting comments about your partner, and I wouldn’t suggest you leave him. However, you’re really not going to want to feel like you have a teenager to pick up after when you have a baby. It could seriously damage your relationship and your sanity.

Could you sit down together and try and come up with a workable plan going forward? This isn’t just on you!

It takes a lot more than love for a relationship to work, and when a baby enters the picture, everything changes, and most importantly, you will change radically. The list of things you will be able to dismiss, gloss over and ignore will shrink at lightening speed.

My partner might as well be a teenager (please no comments about leaving him) because I have to pick up after him.

You don't have to do anything of the sort, first of all. Secondly, this is about the lack of respect he clearly has for you. He's just fine with you being his mummy/skivvy and cleaning up after him? He sees nothing wrong with this? He doesn't have respect or consideration for you, and that bodes very, very poorly.

Good luck, because you're really going to need it.

This 100% totally agree, I do this and it's nice to see ticks and makes me feel I'm accomplished something in the day.

I'm going to pass on the words of my therapist, as best as I can, because I was in your position a while back.

It is normal to feel overwhelmed into not doing a damned thing when there is an overwhelming amount of things to do. NORMAL.

You end up feeling all these negative emotions and self blame. You can't get in front and it just drags you down every time you think of that bastard list. You need to first have some self compassion. Things piled up and became unmanageable. It's not your fault. It happens. You cannot tackle it all at once. You're not superwoman nor the Flash. Throw that list away, it's unrealistic and adds too much pressure. Calm your mind. Start with just one drawer, one cupboard, anything, but only one thing. Clean it, tidy it, perfectly as you are able. Then stop. Concentrate on that one thing and don't get carried away by dragging other tasks into it. Don't plan it too much or it will just start the list off again.

The pick one thing and do it was my "homework" and it really helped to just focus on one thing at a time. It all gets done still. It takes longer but it is less stressful. You have to ask yourself who told you to rush. You can take as long as you need.

Of course, you may have to threaten to tie your partner up in the corner so he doesn't mess your work up but I don't think my therapist would claim that one as hers.

(If anyone wishes to take issue with the word "normal", it's my NHS therapists choice of words. I'm merely passing them on).

Do NOT have a baby! The overwhelm and length of the list will just increase 100x

Seconding this

Loved reading that thank you x

Read the book ‘How to Keep House While Drowning’ for some helpful perspective.
Also, for when you have time to tackle something, look up ‘Goblin Tools’ to help you organise tasks.

Dear God, listen to yourself woman. Settling for a man who fails to acknowledge or notice the stress you’re experiencing and you think you can fix this mess by him going away for a few days so YOU can get on top of it.
You may want to look at the definition of a partnership!
To consider starting a family with this man while he neglects your stress/worries is just madness.

No doubt we will see you back here in a year or two complaining about the same stuff but with the added moans of he doesn’t help with the bay blah bla.

Thirding this.

I want to have a baby because I love him. He's kind and caring and makes me laugh. He loves me.

This ^^ is absolutely not the right reason to have a baby @Stickytoffeepudding6. If you are drowning under normal day to day tasks now it will be ten times harder with a baby, a lazy partner and minimal sleep. You need to stop looking at the idea of having a baby through rose tinted spectacles.

If your partner is too lazy to pick up after himself you will have two "children" to care for.

In the meantime I would get some bin liners and pick up his stuff and put it in them. when he asks where his clean washing is just show him the bin liners with the dirty clothes in. You need to stop enabling him to behave like a slob.

My partner might as well be a teenager (please no comments about leaving him) because I have to pick up after him.

Pfft. You might not feel overwhelmed if you had an actual partner who shared the load.

So true.

Life is too short to martyr yourself to a lazy slob IMO.