I have a full time demanding and stressful job. If the work isn’t done at the office I have to bring it home. I love my job so I have never minded this but since having DCs (3 under 5) I’ve made sure to be really disciplined during work hours to get everything done so I don’t have to bring it home at the expense of time with my DCs. This has meant that I don’t really socialise a lot with my colleagues during the day anymore. I am friendly and will have a quick chat in the kitchen or over the printer but my focus is getting everything done so I can get home work-free. I will admit I get anxious if I don’t get it all done as I just don’t have the time I used to have before DCs to dedicate to it in the evenings. I am definitely an introvert and prefer to work alone too.
Anyway, this way has worked well for me for a good few years and I feel I’ve got a okay- ish work life balance. Late last year a new colleague started. She is new to the industry so was buddied up with myself and a couple of others so we could show her the ropes. She didn’t really click with the others (unsure exactly why) and gradually stopped going to them and only coming to sit with me/ ask me questions/ advice, etc. At first this was fine but now she has become a permanent fixture at my desk. I get the impression she struggles with her confidence and perhaps doesn’t feel that she has been accepted by our other colleagues (again I don’t know why this is). I did try my best to help her and reassure her at first but I feel I have become an unofficial agony aunt for her.
Every morning she pulls up a chair to my desk and starts talking at me. A lot of it is complaining about things in both her personal and professional life. I try to give her reassurance but she has an answer for everything and constantly talks about the negatives no matter how many solutions or positives I try to suggest. It’s exhausting! She does this on and off throughout the whole day. I am a people pleaser and am not good at being blunt but I have made it obvious that I am busy e.g. I have put headphones in and explicitly told her that I am really busy but she doesn’t take the hint and will say “oh I’ll just sit and do my work here then too” which again drives me mad because I just really need my own space at times to focus properly.
She has walked in when I have been in online meetings and presentations and will just sit opposite me not taking any hints that I want privacy. For the last two weeks I have ended up having to do work at home after DCs in bed because I can’t focus to get it done in work. It’s really starting to get to me, to the point where I am struggling to smile at her when she comes and sits with me because I know it’s going to be at least 40 mins of complaining. Sometimes she’ll come up behind me and read emails over my shoulder and ask about them, she’s been through my personal stuff in my drawers while looking for a pen without asking. She has also made some snide comments about projects I’ve completed and how she thought it could be done better (in a very passive aggressive way). I just feel like I have no privacy or alone time anymore. It’s making me hate my job.
AIBU?