Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Go on then, I'll take my chances in AIBU! So, AIBU that friend is encouraging her 12 yr olds 'relationship'?

46 replies

MaureenMLove · 17/04/2008 19:32

This dd is away with my dd on a school trip this week. I've just spoken to the mother, who's said her dd has phoned her, not for a 'I miss you' chat, but to tell her that she's been crying because she misses her boyfriend. Mother said, 'oh I do feel for her, I was like that at her age and she's been going out with him for over 3 months now!

She's only in Yr7 fgs! Am I missing something here? I'm sure I never had a boyfriend at that age. In fact I know I didn't, I was a late starter! But is it right that her mother is encouraging it? What the hell might she be encouraging by the time she's 14!

OP posts:
avenanap · 17/04/2008 19:35

That's shocking! Do you think she views it as a 'kid' relationship (holding hands)? God, that's scary. It depends what type of 'relationship' it is though to be honest.

janeite · 17/04/2008 19:36

You are not being unreasonable. The mother sounds very silly. I'm horrified at the idea of "going out" at 12. My friend's daughter says things like this and friend laughs it off and it just makes me feel a bit sick tbh.

Broodybabywannabe · 17/04/2008 19:36

hmm i spose it boils down to how early things are kicking off now

AbbeyA · 17/04/2008 19:48

YANBU- a very silly mother-hate to think what she will be like in 2 years time!

TurkeyLurkey · 17/04/2008 19:53

I don't know you know, I think the mum sounds quite nice for empathising with her daughter and taking her daughters worries seriously. Sounds like mum and daughter have a good relationship where she can confide in her and actually tell her she is seeing someone and missing him..I never would have done at that age, I hid everything from my mum.....afterall, its not like she's encoraging them to shag and snort cocaine is it?

Think I may be alone in this point of view though.....

bubblagirl · 17/04/2008 19:55

I had my first boyfriend at 12 we were together until we were 16 but were never physical more friends but we did kiss not un usual for people to have girlfriends or boyfriends at this age doesn't make it wrong it's just a closeness between two people not sexual. Like having a boy best friend

Original poster
MaureenMLove · 17/04/2008 19:56

Mother seems almost proud that her dd has a boyfriend! I'm sure she not encouraging further than 1st base iykwim! but I'm sure she hasn't got a problem with french kissing. God, I sound like such a prude! I'm not, I just don't thnk she should be encouraging it. She told me, 'oh they really like each other. They were on the phone for 2 hours on Saturday!' WTF!

OP posts:
Broodybabywannabe · 17/04/2008 19:56

turkey lurkey i see that side too i mean if she feels comfortable talking it all thru with her mum then perhaps she would also discuss contraception? its better that than an unwanted pg at a young age or a disease!

Original poster
MaureenMLove · 17/04/2008 19:58

Did I mention the mother is a bit of a tart! Does that sway anyone further?

OP posts:
TurkeyLurkey · 17/04/2008 19:59

Ah now come on Maureen now we're getting to the truth!

Broodybabywannabe · 17/04/2008 20:00

lol thats a bit mean isnt it what makes you say tart? you both obviously just parent differently and have different DCS, i think that perhaps youre view of the mother is sort of clouding your view of the situation perhaps?

Original poster
MaureenMLove · 17/04/2008 20:02

I can confide in my DD though. In fact, not so long ago, she said, 'Mummy, what would you say if I told you someone had asked me out?' I of course, did an emergency stop in the car and picked my jaw up off the ground! Then I said, Over my dead body. No, not really! I explained that she was rather young for a boyfriend and it might be worth building a good friendship with the boys, rather than going out with them at 12. That way, you'll gain respect from them and always have a boy 'friend' to look out for you, when your older.

So, I guess that's exactly what you did TurkeyLurkey!

OP posts:
TurkeyLurkey · 17/04/2008 20:04

I still stand by what I say though.

Original poster
MaureenMLove · 17/04/2008 20:04

Yeah, you're probably right! She's OK, she's not really that bad. She just does rather put an awful lot of emphasis on her dd looking just right and much older than she really is.

OK, IBU!

OP posts:
Broodybabywannabe · 17/04/2008 20:05

lol a healthy concern we shall call it! maybe she is just lonely and wants her DD to be more of a friend than a DC

Original poster
MaureenMLove · 17/04/2008 20:07

I think its an un-healthy concern! Why the hell should I care what her dd does as long as she doesn't drag my dd into it!

OP posts:
petetong · 17/04/2008 20:08

This type of talk is rife in schools, even in Yr 7. When I asked my dd where these children (not her) were 'going' she said that going out just means that you fancy that person and they fancy you back, it is apparently not even necessary for you to see each other out of school. Some of her friends have been out with lots of boys in Yr 7, but I have advised her to keep the boys as friends as if she has 'gone out' and 'split up' with them in Yr 7 then she will have spoilt the innocent friendship that they have.

Broodybabywannabe · 17/04/2008 20:09

lol FWIW my sisters are 13 and 14 and they are now starting to take an interest in males..much to my deep filled horror, but then i think of the thigns i did aged 15 and it sort of seems logical, im sure your DD is sensible and has self esteem enough not to do anything untoward

TurkeyLurkey · 17/04/2008 20:14

Well I was a right sneaky sod as a teenager and told my mum nothing. I got up to allsorts but never landed in any big trouble (luckily).
I just felt never able to talk to my mum about boyfriends or anything.
But, you know there is encoraging it, as in recognising the teenage relationship for whatever that is or encoraging it as in teaching her how to give good blow jobs.
If its the first then I agree with what the poster said about she's more likely to confide in her mum when she's older re birth control/relationship issues etc. If its the latter its time to stick your nose in and call SS or the police!!

Original poster
MaureenMLove · 17/04/2008 20:15

DD has actually started distancing herself from this girl actually. They are primary school friends and our families spend a fair bit of time together.

DD had already told me this girl and 2 others are the ones that parade around the park, giggling and flicking their pocker straight hair. DD and her other friend are the ones playing footie or cricket with the lads that couldn't care less about girls unless they know the off side rule!

OP posts:
FloridaKbear · 17/04/2008 20:16

I just KNEW before I clicked who's thread this was!!!

Original poster
MaureenMLove · 17/04/2008 20:19

Oh good! Now then, what's ya thoughts!

OP posts:
Original poster
MaureenMLove · 17/04/2008 20:20

I'm going to hijack my own thread! Whilst I think about it, may we borrow the trailer on Saturday?

OP posts:
Pablop · 17/04/2008 20:24

Maureen mLove when your dd asked you 'Mummy, what would you say if I told you someone had asked me out?' doesn't that imply that somebody has?

I'm not disagreeing with you by the way I think 12 is far to young to be encouraged in that direction however I think back to some of my beahaviour from 14 onwards and I made sure my mum didn't know anything about it.

Original poster
MaureenMLove · 17/04/2008 20:29

Yes, he did, but they'd only been at school about 2 weeks and I think the lad was trying his luck! She did tell me she didn't really want to go out with him anyway and she doesn't see much of him anymore.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread