Go on then, I'll take my chances in AIBU! So, AIBU that friend is encouraging her 12 yr olds 'relationship'?

[MaureenMLove]

This dd is away with my dd on a school trip this week. I've just spoken to the mother, who's said her dd has phoned her, not for a 'I miss you' chat, but to tell her that she's been crying because she misses her boyfriend. Mother said, 'oh I do feel for her, I was like that at her age and she's been going out with him for over 3 months now!

She's only in Yr7 fgs! Am I missing something here? I'm sure I never had a boyfriend at that age. In fact I know I didn't, I was a late starter! But is it right that her mother is encouraging it? What the hell might she be encouraging by the time she's 14!

Good God! Maybe I'm old fashioned, but 12!!!!!!!!!!

My thoughts are that crying over a boy at 12 is a bit dramatic BUT that's how they are and the mum does encourage the growing up too quick process a bit too much for my liking but I'm in a different position as my DD is much younger than yours! I can't imagine your DD being that emotional over a boy to be honest, she is different personality entirely (thank god) but I guess it will happen. 12 though.... nooooo

I foresee a similar situation ahead with my DD and her "gang" but I will hopefully lock her up guide her differently! (speaking as one who didn't kiss a boy until she was fifteen but made up for it since oh yes and then I had to ask my mum before I was allowed to the park to meet him!)

and yes, trailer ok for saturday - we have to do a tip run for the outlaws ourselves but will probably get it all in the car

Thankyou, dear Kbear, on both accounts, relationships and trailer!

I've got another AIBU actually, but I guess there's no point in starting a new thread. AIBU in thinking that when your dd has been away all week and will be back at 8pm tomorrow night, you wouldn't go out with your mates in favour of spending some time with her! Oh yes, same family!

Who will be picking her up instead. Surely somebody will be there for her

She'll have time to pick her up and then take her home and straight onto to wherever she's going. Assuming they're not delayed that is. She'll either have to be late going out or she'll ask me, I expect. Her DH will be at home with the younger child already in bed.

I can't discuss this on MN, it's no good, go and find yer phone.....

OH I don't know. I had a boyfriend at 12 (first real snog when I was 12 and 1 month). Lasted a couple of years but never anything scary and it was a good ten years before I had the nerve to do anything serious with anyone. I went from being an early starter to a late starter!

Having said that, if anyone lays a hand on dd before she's 21 I'll shoot them!

I had a "boyfriend" at 11, we did kiss but I hated it and avoided it when I could! Would never have gone any further than that! He broke up with me in front of all his friends which was humiliating but I was more bothered about that than the actual break-up which didn't bother me at all really!

I had a boyfriend when I was twelve. We used to snog for hours and I used to let him feel my tits.

But I didn't wank anyone off till I was thirteen.

I had my first steady boyfriend at 12. As in "best mate who was male" and yes we did snog. Had boyfriends all the way through school after that, obviously doing a bit more than kissing as I got older. But didn't lose my virginity until 21. Unlike other friends who hadn't been near a boy til they were 16 and couldn't wait to get them in to bed. So perhaps you're being a bit judgemental about this woman's approach vs your own?

Well, the girls have returned from their holiday. Girl in question, spent nearly all her money phoning boyfriend, which amused mother no end. When I questioned DD about it, she said, 'oh mummy, she was such a pain, keep going on about him and crying and stuff!' I think we can safely say, she hasn't got a boyfriend yet!

Round about here, from yr 4 upwards we have kids 'going out' with each other and then it's all tears and turmoil in the playground when they are all dumped left, right and cwentre.

Children are definitely doing all this going out stuff much younger. And there are some silly mums who encourage it.

Daft

I had a boyfriend aT 12, we never ever talked I just thought he was good looking! To think it's anything other than a bit silly is letting your child be vunerable to a whole heap of trouble.

EXACTLY! She's just not old enough for the heart break that will inevitably happen! Her mother is setting her up for a big fall, imho. At the moment, she is giving it the 'I'm so much more mature than you, because I've got a boyfriend' But when the shit hits the fan, she's going to be a wreck. I just don't think its an emotion that 12 year olds need to have, along with all the others.

How long do children just hold hands if they 'miss' their boyfriends?

From reading your original post it doesn't sound to me like she's encouraging her, only empathising with her.

There's nothing worse having some adult minimising your feelings whatever they are, like "get up, falling over doesn't hurt" and "you can't be cold, I'm warm"

agree with Turkeylurkey and don't care if in minority.

YANBU

I agree with Turkeylurkey and LFC: this mother is at least recognising that her daughter is a person not a piece of property. It also sounds like you just despise the woman anyway (how dare she have any fun, or any non-traditional views, eh?) and don't actually know how sensible and healthy her relationship with her DD is.

It's not whether or not she's empathising with the dd is it? It's the fact that she reports it to her friend as serious?

At this age, chidlren are heavily influenced by their parents. dd (11) thinks she is too young for a relationship, and this is in a large part because of what I and her father have said to her as she grows up.
I have absolutely no doubt that if I had bought her sexy clothes, encouraged her to wear jewelry and encouraged her to pick up boys, then she would be in a "relationship" now.
So, I agree with the OP - the woman is not "empathising" with her dd, she is encouraging her.