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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I’m glad they’re safe but £2.5k on a wedding dress?

74 replies

AlcoholicDad82 · 27/08/2024 21:13

Well I know I’m probably being a cow and what a horrific fire in London. I feel so very sad for people who have lost so much.

These guys do appear in shock but still £2.5k on a wedding dress and loans for a wedding? Wtaf why do people do this?

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c8rxmx5rj4no

OP posts:
Nothanks17 · 28/08/2024 10:39

I clicked the wrong button for my vote. I have chosen a 2 in 1 wedding dress with veil and sleeves add on for short of 3000. I literally skimp on everything else but I am autistic and I literally didn't like anything I tried on, texture and feel. No one selling the dress second hand. I used to wonder about this too, but now I get it. Not everyone is materialistic, sometimes theres a reason for the cost.

Fancycheese · 28/08/2024 11:12

These people lost everything in a fire and this is what concerns you? It bothers you so much what someone else spend on a wedding dress that you come and make a public post about it… Do you have friends?

Nsky62 · 28/08/2024 13:25

Hereward1332 · 28/08/2024 08:05

Without judging the couple, there is something wrong with a culture that normalises spending so much on a dress that will be worn once, and borrowing money for a party. The idea that you have to spend so much because it is a once in a lifetime event is shameful, even immoral. Reading the responses, the couple are not unusual, but normalising getting into debt for a wedding does not make it something that should be aspire to.

Maybe, lots are involved in this industry, and lots were fed a fairy story of what they hoped for, rightly or wrongly.
i did years ago, at 25 now 62, I got divorced and my views changed, I’ve had other special dresses for occasions

NeverDropYourMooncup · 28/08/2024 15:52

Hereward1332 · 28/08/2024 08:05

Without judging the couple, there is something wrong with a culture that normalises spending so much on a dress that will be worn once, and borrowing money for a party. The idea that you have to spend so much because it is a once in a lifetime event is shameful, even immoral. Reading the responses, the couple are not unusual, but normalising getting into debt for a wedding does not make it something that should be aspire to.

You are absolutely judging them.

Perhaps you have many times when you feel absolutely amazing. However, for many, many people, there is no other time in their lives where they have a beautiful dress, perfect hair, perfect makeup, perfect nails, all their family and friends with them, all celebrating the fact that they are very much in love - and for many of those, that they are joined in the eyes of God/their deity/supernatural being of choice in a sacred rite.

They hadn't overspent, they took out some credit as people do for things like cars, kitchens, furniture, surgery, dental work, whatever, but it had not featured in their calculations that they'd then be in a position where they have nowhere to sleep and everything they worked for and owned going up in flames. They had enough and now they have nothing, not even the special dress that she was going to wear on the day of their wedding - or shoes, underwear, makeup, handbag, nothing for the other days, either.

It's not immoral to want to have more than the most basic, cheap stuff (because they're 'not worth anything better'?) for one day of their lives. It's human nature.

What would be immoral though, is to lock a fire exit in an unsafe building. Or to not maintain the fire alarms because they couldn't be bothered, didn't think the people living there were worth the cost of protecting, not getting round to removing flammable cladding for over SEVEN years after other perfectly ordinary families died in the most horrific way - or to concentrate upon how awful a victim is to get ideas above her station in wanting to have a special dress for a special occasion, instead of the awfulness of the situation the residents found themselves in through no fault of their own.

Jc2001 · 28/08/2024 15:59

AlcoholicDad82 · 27/08/2024 21:13

Well I know I’m probably being a cow and what a horrific fire in London. I feel so very sad for people who have lost so much.

These guys do appear in shock but still £2.5k on a wedding dress and loans for a wedding? Wtaf why do people do this?

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c8rxmx5rj4no

I bet if it was their 5 bed house that had burnt down and they lost a £2.5k wedding dress you'd be saying how awful it would be to lose that and ruin their wedding on top of everything else they're going through.

Hereward1332 · 28/08/2024 16:20

NeverDropYourMooncup · 28/08/2024 15:52

You are absolutely judging them.

Perhaps you have many times when you feel absolutely amazing. However, for many, many people, there is no other time in their lives where they have a beautiful dress, perfect hair, perfect makeup, perfect nails, all their family and friends with them, all celebrating the fact that they are very much in love - and for many of those, that they are joined in the eyes of God/their deity/supernatural being of choice in a sacred rite.

They hadn't overspent, they took out some credit as people do for things like cars, kitchens, furniture, surgery, dental work, whatever, but it had not featured in their calculations that they'd then be in a position where they have nowhere to sleep and everything they worked for and owned going up in flames. They had enough and now they have nothing, not even the special dress that she was going to wear on the day of their wedding - or shoes, underwear, makeup, handbag, nothing for the other days, either.

It's not immoral to want to have more than the most basic, cheap stuff (because they're 'not worth anything better'?) for one day of their lives. It's human nature.

What would be immoral though, is to lock a fire exit in an unsafe building. Or to not maintain the fire alarms because they couldn't be bothered, didn't think the people living there were worth the cost of protecting, not getting round to removing flammable cladding for over SEVEN years after other perfectly ordinary families died in the most horrific way - or to concentrate upon how awful a victim is to get ideas above her station in wanting to have a special dress for a special occasion, instead of the awfulness of the situation the residents found themselves in through no fault of their own.

Careful you don't fall of your high horse. I am judgemental of the normalisation of blowing a year's salary on a wedding. Do I think they are stupid for getting into debt to pay for a wedding - yes. Do you think it is a sensible thing to do? It is possible for financially irresponsible people to be victims of tragic events and feel sympapthy for the event irrespective.

AlcoholicDad82 · 28/08/2024 22:52

At no point did I say it wasn’t incredibly sad. See my OP. What’s not right is people spending so much on a wedding dress. There, I’ve said it. I’d much prefer to go on holiday. Then again they may not! I agree with PP that the industry loves us to normalise high spending on events like weddings.

OP posts:
IReallyCouldntThinkOfAUsername · 28/08/2024 22:55

Why isn't it right? Spend what they want it's none of your business. Just because you'd rather have a holiday doesn't mean every other human thinks the same ffs. Surprised this thread is still up.

AlcoholicDad82 · 28/08/2024 23:26

IReallyCouldntThinkOfAUsername · 28/08/2024 22:55

Why isn't it right? Spend what they want it's none of your business. Just because you'd rather have a holiday doesn't mean every other human thinks the same ffs. Surprised this thread is still up.

I’m not sure what the issue is? Why it’s annoyed so many people?

OP posts:
AlcoholicDad82 · 28/08/2024 23:27

And 34% of people agree with me!

OP posts:
IfOnlyTheyWent · 28/08/2024 23:34

Those people lost everything in a fire and your concern is the cost of her wedding dress? Why, what is it to you? It's obviously meant a lot to her. Is the issue that they live in a flat and have an expensive wedding dress? What's your problem

IReallyCouldntThinkOfAUsername · 28/08/2024 23:41

AlcoholicDad82 · 28/08/2024 23:27

And 34% of people agree with me!

67% don't, and 99% of the comments don't. We will just ignore that though eh?

AlcoholicDad82 · 29/08/2024 09:32

IReallyCouldntThinkOfAUsername · 28/08/2024 23:41

67% don't, and 99% of the comments don't. We will just ignore that though eh?

then don’t comment but I think that’s a fairly significant proportion of people who agree it’s ridiculous to spend £2.5k on a wedding dress, at no point did I say the fire wasn’t horrible.

OP posts:
Tmpnmc86 · 29/08/2024 09:42

Haroldwilson · 27/08/2024 21:43

If you don't have much money, having your wedding as the one day you're pushing the boat out and not scrimping might feel important and dignified.

I wouldn't judge people for that at all.

It's horrible this has happened to them.

I agree.
Also I think if you don't stand a chance of saving enough for the really big things, like a deposit on a home, you're more likely to push the boat out on other things that are a little bit more within reach.

NeedToChangeName · 29/08/2024 09:48

Hereward1332 · 28/08/2024 08:05

Without judging the couple, there is something wrong with a culture that normalises spending so much on a dress that will be worn once, and borrowing money for a party. The idea that you have to spend so much because it is a once in a lifetime event is shameful, even immoral. Reading the responses, the couple are not unusual, but normalising getting into debt for a wedding does not make it something that should be aspire to.

In the past, I would have agreed with you. I raised an eyebrow at eg people spending £££ on fancy Nike trainers for toddlers or spending £££ on Christmas presents

But, now I have a greater understanding that when you can't afford big stuff like a house / pension, then nice Christmas gifts / fancy wedding dress are an opportunity to have something special

NeedToChangeName · 29/08/2024 09:49

It's not immoral to want to have more than the most basic, cheap stuff (because they're 'not worth anything better'?) for one day of their lives. It's human nature

@NeverDropYourMooncup your phrased it better than me

MonsteraMama · 29/08/2024 09:54

Love it when OPs try and defend their shit, cunty posts with "well some people in the poll agree with me!"

Yeah and they're too cowardly to own it in the comments aren't they, definitely the kind of people you want agreeing with you to make you feel like your point isn't both thick and bitchy.

Ponoka7 · 29/08/2024 10:17

"But, now I have a greater understanding that when you can't afford big stuff like a house / pension, then nice Christmas gifts / fancy wedding dress are an opportunity to have something special"

That's true. But also the couple are Polish. Weddings in Polish culture are big affairs and if they have family coming over, it will be even bigger. The last Polish wedding I went to had small tables and a bottle of vodka on each table, the catering was fantastic. They live in London, so are paying London prices. In the UK we get into debt for a wedding, but in some cultures this has always been the case. It used to be a headache for the brides father, but now couples self fund.

Beth216 · 29/08/2024 10:23

Wedding dresses are really expensive though aren't they? I spent a grand on mine 25 years ago.

IReallyCouldntThinkOfAUsername · 29/08/2024 10:50

AlcoholicDad82 · 29/08/2024 09:32

then don’t comment but I think that’s a fairly significant proportion of people who agree it’s ridiculous to spend £2.5k on a wedding dress, at no point did I say the fire wasn’t horrible.

Then don't comment? As if you've just told me not to comment on a public forum just because I think your post is bitchy, and so do 99% of the people who have taken the time to comment.

CheerfulBunny · 29/08/2024 11:26

Mmm. I do feel if they were naice middle class couple we wouldn't even be discussing if it was appropriate or not to spend that much on a wedding dress. Be honest, now.

Like I said, it's none of your business what people spend their money on, regardless of their social status and it's very poor manners to mention it, let alone publish in on a public forum. Not in favour of censorship but you've been handed your arse accordingly.

AlcoholicDad82 · 29/08/2024 15:02

@CheerfulBunny not been handed my arse! No idea what you’re talking about re: middle class etc. I’m firmly working class and actually my family are immigrants too! Perhaps this is why we wouldn’t spend £2.5k on a wedding dress.

OP posts:
HauntedBungalow · 29/08/2024 15:21

Oh aye.

AlcoholicDad82 · 29/08/2024 15:27

HauntedBungalow · 29/08/2024 15:21

Oh aye.

Are you questioning my ethnicity now?

OP posts:
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