Really sick of my life

[Losingtheplotnow]

I know it could be much worse but I’m absolutely drained and feeling quite fed up with the way things are going in my life lately.

every day for the rest of my life I will clean relentlessly just to keep the house at a reasonable level of tidy. The children make mess constantly and I just seem to go round tidying up after them. I have begged for support with this so they take their plates to the sink and do the bare minimum to ‘help’ which usually results in more mess anyway so pointless asking them. DH hears me getting stressed out so steps up for a few tasks, might take out the bins or put the washing machine on but it’s not enough. As it stands I work full time and he has lost his job. Isn’t doing much to resolve the situation so I’m left paying for everything and worrying about the money situation. Currently kids have friends over to sleepover (it’s the holidays and a cheap way to keep the kids entertained) but I am recoiling at the thought of clearing up dens in two rooms in the house that have been trashed already. I still have beds to make up and one of the kids has kicked a ball at the garage and smashed a window. They all thought it was funny. I lost my shit a bit and raised my voice at the kids for finding it funny when it’s actually just an apology I’m after. I realise accidents happen and I know I’m being unreasonable to be so cross but really it’s just the icing on the cake for me.

also what doesn’t help is that recently I’ve been feeling really exhausted. Even after a full nights sleep. Or I’ll be up a few hours and it’ll hit me. I’m not pregnant but it’s similar to the crushing fatigue of early pregnancy. That’s the only way I can explain it. I’m having blood tests this week to rule out the obvious however I’ve had this fatigue before and have tested negative for deficiencies or thyroid issues. It’s definitely making my life unbearable at the moment and making me more ratty than usual.

Aside from the exhaustion, is it normal to feel like life is just one never ending cycle of dishes, laundry, hoovering, work, meals day after day after day. I just want to breakdown and cry. 😭 I wish I could just live mindfully and gently but everything is so chaotic and I’m overwhelmed.

You have a ‘D’H who doesn’t work and doesn’t contribute to the running of the home in any meaningful way … that’s why you feel like this. It’s not the jobs, it’s the distribution.

I’m not suprised your exhausted. I’m a sahm and my husband regularly empties the dishwasher in the morning, puts washing. You need to be having strong words with your husband.

How old are your kids? Sounds like they need more reaponsbility. Mine are 5 and 8, 5 year old sets the cutlery and 8 year old does water for meal times and the both put their own plates next to the dishwasher. 5 year old complains and often makes a meas but they need to be trained into becoming responsible adults.

He’s unemployed, he does all the housework as his contribution, surely?

This!

They are 12, 8 and 5. I agree they need to be trained into becoming responsible adults. The hardest thing is that no matter how many times I say I can’t cope with all the load, things never improve. Including with DH. It’s all temporary and still not really enough support then things just slip back to how they were.

Just stop. Stop doing everything and tell him he needs to step up.

100% understand how you feel 😳 sending 💐

Book yourself a night at a travelodge and leave the children with DH and go and get some R&R before you burn out. Don't prepare their meals or anything like that before hand DH can take care of it

Can you take a week off and go stay somewhere without them all and just rest and leave them to look after themselves?

I would also make a list for my husband, of daily chores to complete and really spell it out in detail and pop this on the fridge. I would also add in a few age appropriate kids tasks, clear floor in bedrooms, make bed, etc:

Husband list
Daily morning: empty dishwasher
Evening: pack dishwasher and wipe down kitchen surfaces

Monday
Vacuum house and dust
Tuesday
Clean Bathrooms
Wednesday
Do laundry and pack it away when dry.
Etc.

This. Why the hell are you doing everything at home as well as working FT?

Just go stay at a local Travelodge or similar and leave them to it.

Cleaning rota 1000% it changed my life.. and delegate the tasks.. if the kids don't adhere they don't have friends over. Tell husband if he's not working he needs to do more chores. Housework and mess from kids is tedious but they are at an age where they should be helping... give them an incentive. And absolutely take yourself away for the day/night and have some you time before you burn yourself out. Good luck with your blood tests.

What is your routine? I always feel so burnt out when I make lists and things but if there are a few basic things that help to keep things organised and tidy both in terms and of keeping the house clean and not forgetting things all the time that need to be done, then please share.

Or maybe he's spending 60 hours a week looking for a job? Drumming up clients? Caring for sick old ladies? Co-ordinating humanitarian aid for Gaza or Ukraine? Figuring out a solution to global warming with no funding?

Please don't say he's sitting watching TV and scratching his arse all day.

I’m guessing you’d struggle to afford taking yourself off to a hotel for a week, but do you have any friends or family you could visit for a weekend by yourself? Just as a base. Do lots of walking and clear your brain.

If not, then it’s time to stop pandering to them. The kids get a rota with their tasks on it. If their jobs aren’t done, then there are sanctions. Be that no pocket money, being grounded etc. You don’t have to clear up their rooms; they do. You might need to stand over them while they do it for the first time, but give them an hour. If it’s not off the floor and back where it belongs by then, then you’ll tidy and it goes in the bin. And you don’t care if it’s their favourite hoodie or something really expensive. It’s not your problem. You won’t be replacing it either, so they’ll need to either save or ask for it for Christmas. If their dirty washing isn’t in the laundry basket, it doesn’t get washed. They’ll need to replace the window they broke, so they can earn that by doing extra tasks, like washing the car.

Same for DH. You are his wife, not his benefactor or his housekeeper. It’s half his responsibility to keep the house clean and tidy and ensure the DC are doing their bit. Tell him you think he is lazy and that you consider your marriage to be in real trouble.

I got something really similar to the attached image off Amazon. And just added thing as I remembered. I find housework overwhelming at the best of times!

Sounds like a DH problem to me.

He doesn’t work but doesn’t look after the house either? What’s the fucking point of him?

Christ almighty girl, im not being funny but your husband needs to put on his big boy pants and be an actual adult, all this 'help' you remarks, is he a lodger?

I presume when you both moved in there was some rule where housework and day to day running of things is your domain, and he just 'helps'?

No, of course there's no such rule, tell your husband it's also his responsibility to run the house too!

Have you tried giving DH specific jobs eg washing, food shopping and cooking and then leave him to it?

If DH as an adult isn’t modelling respectful behaviour then your kids are just learning that it is fine to treat like the maid.

I’ve followed organised Mum method before but her first but of advice is get everyone to pull their weight. Maybe send the info to DH and he can do it all.

Can DH do the washing and hoovering? Hard to forget that.

As a sahm (not by choice really, dc disability) I am OBVIOUSLY the one who does the cleaning/washing/dinners etc while also having the responsability of everything concerning the children (home work, GP appointements etc etc) and I think it's fair. My DH works hard and does the grocery shopping once a week and pay all our bills. Your DH is lazy and selfish not doing the house work while you're at work. Surely if it was you being laid off you would have done that? Let him teach the children if he wants some help. Help him out by putting it in writing than leave him to it.

The best way to train sons is for them to see a positive male role model. I would be focusing efforts on talking with DH. Whilst he's not working, he should be doing 90% of housework. No ifs, no buts.

Leave your husband with the kids and go stay with a friend/family for a few days. Tell them all that you'll come back when you've received photographic evidence of the house being clean and tidy.

Thankyou all for your responses. I’ve tried cleaning methods before that usually just overwhelm me completely. But that’s because I’m come home from work and have to face about an hour of cleaning before dinner and tidying that up. I think amongst lazy people in my house… the physical exhaustion is ultimately why I’m so overwhelmed. For eg I have just slept solidly for 10 hours and I’ve woken up with a throbbing headache and I feel exhausted still.