Really sick of my life

[Losingtheplotnow]

I know it could be much worse but I’m absolutely drained and feeling quite fed up with the way things are going in my life lately.

every day for the rest of my life I will clean relentlessly just to keep the house at a reasonable level of tidy. The children make mess constantly and I just seem to go round tidying up after them. I have begged for support with this so they take their plates to the sink and do the bare minimum to ‘help’ which usually results in more mess anyway so pointless asking them. DH hears me getting stressed out so steps up for a few tasks, might take out the bins or put the washing machine on but it’s not enough. As it stands I work full time and he has lost his job. Isn’t doing much to resolve the situation so I’m left paying for everything and worrying about the money situation. Currently kids have friends over to sleepover (it’s the holidays and a cheap way to keep the kids entertained) but I am recoiling at the thought of clearing up dens in two rooms in the house that have been trashed already. I still have beds to make up and one of the kids has kicked a ball at the garage and smashed a window. They all thought it was funny. I lost my shit a bit and raised my voice at the kids for finding it funny when it’s actually just an apology I’m after. I realise accidents happen and I know I’m being unreasonable to be so cross but really it’s just the icing on the cake for me.

also what doesn’t help is that recently I’ve been feeling really exhausted. Even after a full nights sleep. Or I’ll be up a few hours and it’ll hit me. I’m not pregnant but it’s similar to the crushing fatigue of early pregnancy. That’s the only way I can explain it. I’m having blood tests this week to rule out the obvious however I’ve had this fatigue before and have tested negative for deficiencies or thyroid issues. It’s definitely making my life unbearable at the moment and making me more ratty than usual.

Aside from the exhaustion, is it normal to feel like life is just one never ending cycle of dishes, laundry, hoovering, work, meals day after day after day. I just want to breakdown and cry. 😭 I wish I could just live mindfully and gently but everything is so chaotic and I’m overwhelmed.

There’s no reason for you coming home to a mess if your husband is at home. I’d be having very clear words with him that while he’s out of work his job is keeping on top of the house - the same way it would be your if you were at home. If you still come home to a mess don’t start cleaning up - tell him what needs done (given he clearly “can’t” see it), get a cup of tea and rest. If he really won’t pull his weight, he can find somewhere else to live. Fucking nonsense that a grown adult, who presumably claims to love you, would watch you struggle like this.

Are you making time for yourself, getting out for fresh air and a walk? Drinking enough water? Taking a multi vitamin?

If you have a husband that 'doesnt see' things introduce him to Goblin Tools, it breaks down tasks so you put in something like Clean Bathroom and it'll come up with a list of all the activities to do when you need to clean a bathroom.

He has no excuse for not pulling his weight.

Someone comes on here complaining that she’s overwhelmed because she’s working full time, earning all the money for the family, doing all the housework, cooking, childcare, looking after the family while her DH does nothing … and people send her a calendar with a list to be more organised 😂 fuck me I can’t!!

@Izzymoon not for her, for her husband to use because he's a lazy oik that contributes nothing to the household.

Op, please, please get your family more involved in the day to day tasks. It will never change if you keep doing it. I've never made my children's beds for them past being babies. Obviously, as toddlers, I helped them, then they did it themselves as soon as they were physically able. They are responsible for their own mess. They do their own washing from year 6/7, but before that, they do it with me, so they learn how. They help with meals from an early age and once past 13/14 took a turn to cook dinner.

Start small. When they're leaving a room, ask them to turn back and see if anything needs fetching to the kitchen/picking up off the floor. Add little details as you go along. Nothing will change overnight, but it certainly can change so you dont completely burn out.

Do not sacrifice your well-being for them.

Why is your husband not dealing with most of the housework and cooking if he's at home all day? In addition, he could maybe get the children into the habit of helping out - bringing laundry to the basket, putting away the shopping, that sort of thing.

No point just breaking down and saying you can't copy - people just drown this out (especially if they are lazy sods). Be specific about what needs to be done and get the children used to having their 'jobs' while they are still young and impressionable!

It's difficult . But you need to be tough.
I was sick and tired of picking up clothes that was NEXT to the wash bin - so I didn't wash them. Nothing like shock in the morning when everyone are looking for they fav top.
I was sick and tired of plates, cups and cutlery not being placed INSIDE the dishwasher - so they didn't get washed. And drinks or food was served on disposables 😅
I do most of the house work and I'm ok with that BUT at the same time I'm not a full time housekeeper to pick up things around people just because they are lazy.
It may sound ridiculous, but very quickly everyone learned where things go.

All sit down and watch an episode or two of Mums On Strike. My two kids have been angels ever since!

You need to give the cleaning list to your DH. He’s not working, then he’s picking up all the chores. Stop doing it; they are taking the p

It’s your DH who needs the cleaning methods not you!

Stop doing it. Can you go and work at a friends place or rent a desk a couple of days a week at a co working space? It’s important that you get out of the house; it becomes a prison if you’re not careful. Cook dinner and go for a swim / yoga class and tell hubby to clean up and put the kids to bed. I’m sure he will have no problem delegating. Also don’t cook from scratch every night. Pull something g out from the freezer.

Why are you doing all the housework if your DH doesn’t work and you work FT?

But that’s because I’m come home from work and have to face about an hour of cleaning before dinner and tidying that up. I think amongst lazy people in my house… the physical exhaustion is ultimately why I’m so overwhelmed. For eg I have just slept solidly for 10 hours and I’ve woken up with a throbbing headache and I feel exhausted still.

You cannot carry on like this you'll make yourself ill, something needs to change, I can't believe your DH isn't doing most, if not all of the chores if you work full time, what does he do all day when you're at work?

I tell your lazy husband to get up of his backside and clean up the house. Tell him as well he will be sleeping on the couch as you need to sleep and he won't be in your bed until he is pulling his weight. Ask him do you want me to ring you mother about your laziness around here?

Ring your husband mother and get her to go into the house with you after work. Let her see him doing nothing and the state of the place. Tell her and him he will be moving back to her house if he does not start pulling his weight because your sick of coming home to this each evening.

I tell your children the same. I tell them all that from now on they all have to pull their weight.
Get them all up early Saturday morning and start showing them how to do the housework and use the sweeping brush, hover and washing machine. Show the older child how to iron.
Do up a chores list and divide out the work so everyone has jobs to do each day including your husband.

Tell them unless the jobs are done each when you come in from work and a dinner cooked
that you will cancel the sky TV and the internet. Tell your kids they won't have phone credit or money for meeting friends. You won't be buying them new clothes or shoes either.

Your the one paying the majority of the bills here so it about time they realised this.

I tell your lazy husband to get up of his backside and clean up the house. Tell him as well he will be sleeping on the couch as you need to sleep and he won't be in your bed until he is pulling his weight. Ask him do you want me to ring you mother about your laziness around here?

Ring your husband mother and get her to go into the house with you after work. Let her see him doing nothing and the state of the place. Tell her and him he will be moving back to her house if he does not start pulling his weight because your sick of coming home to this each evening.

I tell your children the same. I tell them all that from now on they all have to pull their weight.
Get them all up early Saturday morning and start showing them how to do the housework and use the sweeping brush, hover and washing machine. Show the older child how to iron.
Do up a chores list and divide out the work so everyone has jobs to do each day including your husband.

Tell them unless the jobs are done each when you come in from work and a dinner cooked
that you will cancel the sky TV and the internet. Tell your kids they won't have phone credit or money for meeting friends. You won't be buying them new clothes or shoes either.

Your the one paying the majority of the bills here so it about time they realised this.

It's his Mother's job to sort out his laziness?