To be surprised by this question from MIL? (Lighthearted)

[birthchoices]

MIL has asked (three times now) if DH will be at the birth of our baby. It annoys DH every time 😂

She is only in her mid 60s so it seems a really unusual thing to keep asking - has anyone ever asked you?

It would annoy me if I’d answered-unless she has dementia?

I don’t think she does, no other signs and according to DH has always asked the same thing multiple times. I think she just doesn’t always listen to the answer the first time. I don’t know why she’d ever assume he wouldn’t be there though!

Have you asked her why she thinks he might not be? Or why she keeps asking?

Is she asking because he's known for being squeamish?

Tbf mid 60s her DH would have been there for her DCs births surely? If she's asking repeatedly I'd ask her why she keeps asking!

I'd ask her why she keeps asking.

Is she trying to offer herself as an alternative???

My mum is only 10 yrs older and had kids over a 15 yr period it was unheard of for the husbands to be let in, in Ireland then so I don't know when that changed or what the norm in the UK would have been at a hospital birth.

Has he tried saying "you've already asked me this three times mum, I'm starting to get a bit worried about your memory loss, is everything ok?"

And if she asks again after that, he should just say nah, I'm going the pub and I've told birthchoices to phone me when she's ready to come home.

Sounds like she’s winding him up?

Are you even pregnant? #PlotTwist

It can’t be as he works in healthcare!

Oh and some someone has already mentioned dementia, can I suggest the other MN favourite armchair diagnosis - ADHD?

Haha he would say something like this but she’s so mild and well meaning that I’d be cross at him if he did. It just seems bizarre to ask it, as if she assumes he wouldn’t be

Ah ok, this is interesting. Maybe that was the case for her too?

Hope not haha

MIL is in her 70s, had DC in early 1970s, very much not the norm for husbands to be present.

Have you asked whether FIL was present at DH’s birth?

Though it is also quite possible that Mum kept up the appearance it wasn't allowed for some peace and quiet........

I think Dad might have been there for the very last child so circa 1990

It’s Mumsnet and it involves a MIL so she must just be being a bitch.

And she'll probably give him a pat on the back and say 'of course son' 🤣

Ask her what makes her think that's a question? My mum is in her sixties DF in his seventies, he was present at my birth and my brother's. Did FIL say he would then back out? If she asks again ask her those things, they might make her feel uncomfortable but she doesn't mind if her questions have that effect

Very odd as even my parents generation (mum 70, my dad would have been 78) dad’s were generally at the birth. My dad got up with us babies in the night too every night, modern dad!

Why not ask her about her birth experience? It can be a really interesting conversation to have, learning about how different things are- how much gas changed in a relatively short time.
I was born in the 70s and my mum's birth story sounds horrendous to me but she thought it was ok!
She's probably just looking for a point of connection.

I think in late 60s/early 70s dads were starting to be around for the start of labour but left before the actual birth.

If you watch Call the Midwife it was rare for a man to be present especially in the early 60s episodes

I had my one and only child in 1977. It was definitely not the norm for fathers to have anything to do with the process of childbirth then. They didn't go to ante natal classes, they didn't go into the delivery room or anything else! Your MIL is only a few years younger than me so I guess it was the same for her. I'm assuming this is her first grandchild?