To think you don’t do this to a friend?

[latetoset]

I arranged to see my best friend this weekend weeks ago. We’d been messaging like we normally do and then she didn’t respond to my last message.

Anyway I followed up on Wednesday to say are we still meeting, but don’t worry if you have forgotten as we planned it so long ago.

I’ve heard absolutely nothing from her. Maybe something has happened but she’s looked at my Instagram stories so she’s still active online.

Thing is as much as I would be disappointed if she couldn’t come, I would have understood her rearranging but just not even acknowledging it. I’ve asked her now if everything this ok and she’s not responded to that either.

I just want to cry. There’s been nothing that’s happened between us, so I think not to find one minute to just let me know is actually quite mean.

Honestly, this type of shitty immature behaviour just makes me so angry. I'm sorry this has happened to you OP, it's so hurtful. If she hasn't been in touch by the weekend, my advice would be to block her number and remove her from your social media. You'll never get to know her reasons why, unfortunately.

Weekend past or weekend coming?

You could phone ?

The one gone.

You'll just have to write this one off. She's no kind of friend if she can treat you like this.

We used to talk on the phone a lot but now she has a baby it’s rare.

Baby is 1 now. And honestly if she couldn’t get a babysitter then absolutely fine, my issue isn’t her not going. My issue is the ghosting.

But anyway my point is that I don’t feel comfortable randomly calling her anymore because she’ll be busy with her baby, or I’d worry I’m interrupting family time.

Why would you assume that she's ghosted you for no reason?

Unless your friendship usually thrives on drama yabu and overreacting.

We don’t always know what’s going on in people’s lives. If she does this often then I’d stop trying but if this is out of the ordinary a quick phone call would not of hurt

She’s one of your best friends. There’s absolutely no harm in calling. There is harm in calling this ghosting. At the same time, disappointing as it is to be let down socially, it seems fair to assume that it’s something she’s going through right now rather than because she doesn’t like you any more. Secure friendships can survive a bit of drift. Blocking and deleting is just petulant, childish and self-absorbed behaviour in these circumstances.

If I received the message that you sent I would suspect you were looking to get out of meeting up but were trying to get me to do the actual cancelling rather than you.

I wonder what she would have done if you had just asked if she was still ok to meet up without the whole thing about it being ok if she couldn't.

I don't think it is an over reaction. The OP has contacted her twice to confirm & got no response. Now the weekend they were supposed to meet has passed. The friend has time to be on social media but no time to send her supposed best friend a message to say she can't make it? She's ghosting her. Appalling behaviour imo.

Call her. For all we know, her baby could be seriously ill or similar

Aren't you worried that something has happend to her? It's really unusual to just ghost someone. But in your shoes I would have called.

How do you know she didn't go to the agreed place, and it's you that's stood her up?

I agree. She's clearly ok and not in a coma or whatever if she's been on social media liking instagram pics etc

Yet she cannot take 10 seconds to text OP- 10 measly seconds to text her friend after she's politely asked twice?

She is no friend. I wouldnt block her but I absolutely would drop the rope completely and see what happens or if she makes an effort to get in touch. If she doesnt then I'd drop her.

I refuse to continually chase people who make zero effort to reply

Whilst I understand why you feel hurt not to have heard anything from her, your message saying "don't worry if you've forgotten.." makes it sound like the arrangement was no big deal to you. I think inadvertently you implied that you weren't particularly bothered about meeting up.
So it's possible that she was hurt by that or just didn't think much more about it.

I had a friend I saw regularly. Almost two years ago, we met for lunch and afterwards, said our usual friendly farewell. I texted her to thank her for her company, as usual and enquired about an activity she’d talked about during lunch.

No reply. I texted again once or twice, but still no reply, so I gave up. As far as I am aware, we parted on good terms and I have absolutely no idea why she simply ghosted me. But there we are.

Yeah I agree @sofaofchange & @ILikeItWhatIsIt absolutely no reason for her not to send a quick text, definitely just leave her to it now, it's shit that she's done this to you

News flash, normal people also text. Ignoring messages is plain rude.

🙄.

Well I absolutely was not trying to get out of seeing her, I was really looking forward to it.

It really is and why on earth are people suggesting calling? people who choose not to reply to texts (which is something you can do at your leisure when its convenient) are hardly likely to be picking up the phone to phone calls which demand an immediate response!

I see this suggested constantly on threads about non text replying friends "just CALL her" and the OP has usually always tried that and got no answer because the friend does not wish to respond, obviously.

Just call her. She won't answer if it's not convenient. You can leave a voicemail if you don't speak to her. Just say that you are worried and hope everything is OK. If she doesn't answer or respond then let it go but initially I would be concerned that something was wrong.

OP I fell out with a close friend after something similar happened. We had arranged to meet up for a meal a few weeks in advance. The weekend before I messaged to say perhaps we should book as it was a busy time and what did she fancy. She replied saying she'd let me know about the meal as has a busy weekend. She did have a busy weekend so I thought nothing of it. A couple of days later I messaged again saying what about this place and didn't get a reply so later texted saying I've booked it. This was all on WhatsApp and she had read my messages but not replied.

After 9 pm the day before we were due to meet I still hadn't heard anything so messaged her saying I need to know if we were meeting as I'd be going straight from work and needed to bring things with me. She then replied saying sorry she's been busy and now her child is not well so she couldn't meet. This would have been fine if she hadn't ignored me all week!

I am autistic and maybe it should have been obvious to me sooner that she meant she'd let me know about dinner meaning she didn't know if she could make it. I just thought she'd get back to me about where we were to meet. I then didn't hear from her for months so I just felt there was no going back.

Plans change, people forget, things come up, but you should have some basic respect and consideration for your friends.

You're absolutely right, there could be a number of reasons for her behaviour. None of them are valid though, unless she's been kidnapped, which we know she hasn't as she's been on Instagram.
It's perfectly possible to have friends and still have boundaries. It's not one or the other. If you'd be happy with someone treating you like that then that's your prerogative. I certainly wouldn't, and I wouldn't do it to someone else either.