Should I quit or fight this?

[kittykattyblue]

I manage a team of eight people in my division, and we all got along well until about a year ago when a new member joined. Since then, my division has become divided. This new member constantly complains about everything I do but only behind my back. She takes her complaints to my superiors instead of addressing them with me directly. Additionally, she lies frequently. Once, she filed a complaint accusing me of being unsupportive, but nothing came of it due to lack of evidence.
She buys gifts for those in her group, does they’re work for them, and even provides a place for them to stay. Just last week, she accompanied one of them to my superiors to complain about me not being supportive.
Even though I know I have done nothing wrong and was always respected for being supportive before she arrived, I feel increasingly stressed and helpless each time she pulls one of these stunts. I have always told the truth, but I am starting to worry that this situation could work against me. She’s very skilled at charming my seniors, and my division is now split into two camps: those who are afraid of her and those who find her entertaining, charming and believe everything she says.
I have met with HR who have said they would need evidence. Surely repeated complaints about me is evidence?
At this point, I am wondering if it would be best to leave and start fresh elsewhere? I hate the idea of having to leave because of this though.The other option is to get a transfer to another branch which is a couple of miles further to travel to.

yes i think for the best you leave op

she sounds like a very positive member of the team and despite being her manager….you don’t seem to have the respect of your team or your seniors

so someone else in your team was complaining about you and she accompanied them?

Yes OP, hand your notice in before
you lose your job

She manipulated the person into complaining about me is how I view it. That person was totally fine with me a year ago.

She is actually quite negative, she is constantly complaining and whining about the minutest details. It’s draining having her on the team.

yes i am sure you view it like that op

not to others it would seem

I would kill her with kindness and go totally overboard with being supportive. Schedule a weekly meeting with her so you can work on areas where she needs support. Use the fact that she complains to management about your lack of support as a reason for doing so. If she says she doesn't feel the need for these weekly meetings get her to confirm that she's OK with your support. Do everything by email, so if she cancels the meeting you've got evidence. Go out of your way to meet and chat about her complaints about you, keep having catch ups, irritate the hell out of her by checking she feels 'supported'. If she carries on complaining, show the lengths you've gone to and raise a grievance

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I'd try and move to the other branch. It's constant griping against you and it will grind down your confidence as a manager. If endless unfounded complaints for which there is no evidence are being put forward against you, why do you need evidence to do the same to her?
I feel they are siding with her at this point.

If the other branch is only another couple of miles away then I would say you should either make a formal complaint about bullying or just leave. However, if I left I would tell them exactly why.

You may have noticed all those responses are from one person. I’d ignore and wait for more productive advice!

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This sounds brilliant!
Thank you!!! This is super helpful

I’d have a try at Harvestival’s plan, along with keeping your other team mates ticking over nicely, while you look to move.

Will you trust the superiors again, if they’ve fallen for her? I’d like to say she’ll fall on her face eventually but these types seem Teflon sometimes.

Is there something wrong with you?

@kittykattyblue I feel for you. It only takes one toxic, negative and manipulative individual to start to bring down a team.

Move on up and move on out. Put it behind you.

If you're really careful with your dealings with her you may be able to turn the tables on her.
If you and you team for example are working on project x, you hold a meeting to discuss roles and responsibilities of the team. After the meeting send an email to confirm what was discussed and if anyone needs further clarification/support to contact you. If you don't hear from her after a couple of days either hold a catch up/ send an email to confirm she's OK with what was agreed.
Document everything! Then if she goes behind your back again to criticise you and say she's unsupported, you have evidence to show she never raised an issue. You can then turn it round and maybe design some sort of improvement plan as she's obviously struggling with the work, feels unsupported but not communicating that she needs help.

Think she's on here OP..

That’s what I said to DH! Felt like being gaslit on MN!!

I am staying put, not going to be driven out. Got some fab advice from @Harvestfestivalknickers

honestly i think you need to play the game rather than sitting back and letting her do this, i agree with the kill her with kindness act. make sure you have it all in writing, be so apologetic and sweet, itll make her sick.

Make sure people see you being nice, give her compliments, weekly meetings, emails asking if there is anything you could do to help or anything she is stuck on etc.

Shove that in there face as evidence.

Yes your advice from @Harvestfestivalknickers was spot on. If she wants to complain, she'll need evidence. I've managed her type in my day and they rarely win because they're driven by self-obsession and over inflated ego. You keep managing as professionally as possible and you've got this.

Stay and play the long game. She, ll get found out sooner or later.

She would love it if you were to quit! That's exactly what she wants. Don't give in to her. Everyone will be able to see what she's doing and she won't win in the long run.

Thanks @countrysidelife2024 .
I feel like I can do this now. I just could not see a way through prior to my post.

I am grateful to you MN posters.

@maldensol are you ok?!

The OP has described something exactly that happened to me. I refused to leave though as I knew the person would be retiring after 2 years.

I kept a diary of everything she said or did and if I needed to have any 1-2-1 chats or she requested to see me I always made sure I took a witness. Every email I sent I BCC'd my manager in.

This went on for a good year until eventually she got idea that a) I wasn't going to take her lies and b) just because I was younger than her doesn't mean I can pushed around.

She was really angry I became her manager but prior to this she was absolutely fine with me.