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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I quit or fight this?

32 replies

kittykattyblue · 26/08/2024 16:28

I manage a team of eight people in my division, and we all got along well until about a year ago when a new member joined. Since then, my division has become divided. This new member constantly complains about everything I do but only behind my back. She takes her complaints to my superiors instead of addressing them with me directly. Additionally, she lies frequently. Once, she filed a complaint accusing me of being unsupportive, but nothing came of it due to lack of evidence.
She buys gifts for those in her group, does they’re work for them, and even provides a place for them to stay. Just last week, she accompanied one of them to my superiors to complain about me not being supportive.
Even though I know I have done nothing wrong and was always respected for being supportive before she arrived, I feel increasingly stressed and helpless each time she pulls one of these stunts. I have always told the truth, but I am starting to worry that this situation could work against me. She’s very skilled at charming my seniors, and my division is now split into two camps: those who are afraid of her and those who find her entertaining, charming and believe everything she says.
I have met with HR who have said they would need evidence. Surely repeated complaints about me is evidence?
At this point, I am wondering if it would be best to leave and start fresh elsewhere? I hate the idea of having to leave because of this though.The other option is to get a transfer to another branch which is a couple of miles further to travel to.

OP posts:
kittykattyblue · 26/08/2024 17:44

I completely agree. Thank you @Inthedarkhere

OP posts:
Whistledown2 · 26/08/2024 17:54

I had a situation where I work which has taken a year to resolve. The most important thing I have learned from this is to have everything you say/do in writing, an audit trail, no 'he said/she said' heresay shite. Also to be very polite and professional in all said correspondence, basically what a PP said upthread.

Definitely the 'kill with kindness' approach.

The way a team dynamic can change by just one person never ceases to amaze me🤷🏻‍♀️

Bearbookagainandagain · 26/08/2024 18:19

kittykattyblue · 26/08/2024 16:37

She is actually quite negative, she is constantly complaining and whining about the minutest details. It’s draining having her on the team.

I have that on my team with 2 of them, it is draining indeed.
"Luckily" they don't only complain about me but everything and everyone else, so I don't feel targeted too much.

In your situation, I would want to fight it because it's unfair, but I would leave for peace of mind. If management is not supporting you, it's never going to stop.

CosmicDaisyChain · 26/08/2024 18:26

kittykattyblue · 26/08/2024 16:38

?

Why is it your view that she manipulated someone else into complaining? Was the other person's complaint also invalid? What is the relevance of them being fine with you a year ago?

Inthedarkhere · 26/08/2024 18:38

maldensol · 26/08/2024 16:38

not to others it would seem

@maldensol still here then luv?

Downplayit · 26/08/2024 19:07

It's called upward bullying and it's horrible to be in that situation. You need the support of you manager and your HR team. Your seniors need to stop engaging with her and route things through you otherwise they are also undermining you. I'd make a note of everything that happens however small and try and keep the rest of your team on side by staying professional. Perhaps your HR can help with mediation.

primetimerenew · 26/08/2024 20:42

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

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