To be angry at my husband?

[TARNSSA]

My husband, my MIL, and our two young children (2 years old and 3 months old) went out together yesterday in public for the first time in a long time.

I'm a stay at home mum and he works full time.

We went to a restaurant and both kids needed a nappy change.

I asked my husband for help changing them in front of MIL.

"- Can you help me get them changed?
-What do you mean?
-I could get DD changed and you change DS
-Get DD changed first and come back for DS
-But I would be going back and forth, could you help me?
-I just paid."
I ended up getting them both changed but I found it mean and tbh a bit embarrassing in front of MIL.

AIBU to feel angry and feel it was really mean and it implies just because he makes money I have to do it all and he's comfortable enough to say it in front of his mum? Or is it no big deal and I should get over it?

It's not embarrassing for you, it's embarrassing for him. You shouldn't have to ask, and it's not "helping you," it's parenting his own children. His comment about him having paid shows how he thinks of you, imo. I'd rethink this SAHM situation personally.

As the mother of your husband I’d be telling him to get his arse into gear and pull his weight. You have a major husband problem. You need to sit him down and explain your minimum expectation. It’s a shame you need to do this but you clearly do.

I did, he just said "well, I didn't know there was a changing room!"

This! I would tell him to get off his arse & help. Did she react?

I didn't want to make a scene
No she didn't react

Are you on mat leave or actually a SAHP?

he also added he didn't want to sound lazy that's why he mentioned money

I'm a SAHP

It’s not helping you it’s parenting his own children.
Outrageous behaviour from DH.

At least he acknowledges he was being lazy.

I'd get fincially independent pretty fast if I were you.

It sounds like his line of thinking is that by working, he is paying you to take care of all aspects of childcare? And that if he has to share in the work, then it is unfair to him?

There’s a reason why more men are not SAHP…because they know it’s far more work, and harder work, and also thankless work.

Your mistake was asking, stop asking and tell him, you're giving him an easy out as he seems lazy

You have a massive, massive husband problem. What an absolute disrespectful, selfish arsehole. Don't ever allow him to get away with speaking to you like this again. I would be LIVID.

What an absolute clown he is.

Id have been raging, put both babies in the car and driven home leaving him and his stupid mother in the restaurant.

I would have felt humiliated and degraded. You are his wife and mother of his children and he has the audacity to treat you like this. I’m furious for you.

I think an underlying issue is he’s resentful that you’re staying home to raise HIS children. Perhaps when the babies old enough you could get a part time job. I’d make it in the evenings so he has to pull his stupid weight

This is shocking on so many levels op.

That you had to ask him in the first place. That he didn't do it. That his mother wasn't appalled and mortified by his behaviour. His comment about the money. You having to ask if you were in the right or not. Of course you were.

You are headed for divorce at this rate. If you don't want to, I would advise you get a weekend job and or hobby, and leave all the parenting to him, until he works it out.

Our son when he was still very little and in nappies had the dirtiest of dirty nappies once and once only. It happened while we were on a family holiday. It was the last day and on our way home we had been in a pub, had something to eat and drink and DS had his food (stuff we'd brought with us and he was well used to) so whatever had upset his tummy was from before we had something to eat (just to clarify).
To add insult to injury, it was raining that awful misty rain that it doesn't matter what you do, you're going to end up getting soaked wet.

Getting back to DS - was it me that changed the nappy? Well, no, but I was the one who got bags to put his soiled clothes into to put straight into the washing machine when we got home. I got all of the wipes out and triple bagged the soiled nappy. We did this while DS was lying on a changing mat on the back seat of our car - no changing room for us 😄 DH actually changed the nappy. It was a two person job!

I say this to you as at the time I only had one child but we both helped when it was necessary. Your SDH (yes that S does stand for Shitty) should have changed one of your kids while you did the other.

Next time you're out and about make sure he does both!

SAHP only works when the work at home is valued by both parents, the income is seen as joint family income and the hours when both parents are at home the parenting is divided IMO. I’d rethink your situation is this is his typical behaviour!

Well n ow you know what the fuckwit thinks of you. The question is are you going to accept this or stand up to his shit and tell him that his attitude stinks and if he doesn't change you you will be divorcing him? Your move.

I don’t really like my MiL but I can def say she would have told my DH to grow up and change his child.

How depressing there are still men who think it's not their job to clean their own babies bums.
My ex was like that. You can (and must) try to change his mindset (more wife work), but it won't be easy!

I would be seriously looking to go back to work, and then be rethinking the relationship. This is disgusting behaviour on his part, and shows what a power imbalance currently exists. Really really not okay

To be fair to the husband, given his mother wasn't cringing in embarrassment for him, it isn't difficult to see where he got his misogynistic attitude from.

Fucking outrageous. Don’t allow yourself to be so degraded. Next time one of the kids does a poo, put the kid in his arms and tell him to get on with it. I’m outraged on your behalf.

The 'just been paid' comment makes no sense unless he meant 'I've done my bit, now it's your turn!'

If my ex'd said that to me I'd've waited until I calmed down and then asked him exactly what he meant by it.