Over reacting or concerning?

[sussexsquirrel]

Ds is 23 and stepbrother to dd 8.
Ds goes into dd bedroom sometimes after we have gone to bed, dd is not a good sleeper so is usually still awake or in the few occasions we go out leaving him looking after her he will get into her bed and tightly cuddles her, she asks him to stop and he doesn't until she asks again and then he stops and she's said she doesn't want him in her room or to be left looking after her because she doesn't like it.
I asked her if he has touched her anywhere and she says no just tight cuddles that she doesn't like.
I have spoken to ds and forbidden him from going in her room ever but he didn't listen the first time and still went in she now tells us so I have had another firm talk with him and insisted he never enter her room and dd to tell me if he does even if we're asleep and I hope this time it's gone in.

I'm not sure what to make of the situation as she says he's never tried touching her or anything but it doesn't sit right a grown man getting into bed with an 8yo and bear hugging her when nobody is around.
Am I reading too much into this or would you be concerned?
Would you be asking him to leave?
We've made it crystal clear he's never to go into her room under any circumstances and won't be asking him to look after her anymore.
I just wish I knew what was behind this. Is it just big brother being annoying and bear hugging his sister or is something seriously not right?

Apologies not stepbrother he's her half brother.

I'd ask him to leave.

Yes I'd ask him to leave. Your DD should feel safe in her own home.

Personally I think he needs telling to move out. He isn’t respecting his sisters boundaries and sinister or not that’s not acceptable

This is what I was thinking.

Hi,
I don't think you're overreacting, I think you're not reacting enough. Your dd has already brought this up several times and so far it hasn't stopped. If he can't follow instructions 1st time he needs to move out.
This is very strange behaviour from a 23 yr old man towards an 8 yr old, brother or not.
Why is he sneaking into her room etc?
IMO this behaviour could escalate and 23 yr old needs to move out ASAP.
Your instincts are right...its far from okay.

Tell him he needs to move out now. And don’t ever let him be alone with her again. That is creepy as hell.

This has clarified what I'm feeling, it just doesn't seem right and she's uncomfortable.

I will ask him to leave, my daughter needs to feel safe I was just looking for clarification.
You always try to look for the good in your own but no matter how look at this it's just not right.
I think I just posted in a desperate last attempt for someone to tell me it's not what I think but I know what I have to do and will.

I can’t believe u r still enabling him to do it. He needs to move out or u and add need to move out.

Hi, His behaviour is definitely not OK. He’s intimidating her, invading her private space, and not respecting your clear direction that he’s never to do it again. This kind of behaviour is a real red flag and yes, I’d definitely not ASK , but TELL him to move out. Your daughter needs to be reassured that men cannot behave this way towards her and she has rights. You sound amazingly protective and ‘onto’ his behaviour though, which is excellent.

You were quite right to ask your daughter about whether he’d touched her, but in essence-squeezing her close to him and refusing to let go until she had to ‘beg’ a second time to be released-is already psychological and emotional abuse and places his body way, way too close to hers. Time to show him the door and maybe install a lock on your daughter’s bedroom door and a baby listening device in her room in the meantime (in case he sneaks in there when you’re not aware). Better to be safe than sorry…

Yes you're right he will be asked to leave, I have spoken to family and been told I'm over reacting so I wanted outside opinions so I knew that I wasn't.

Agree with PPs, he needs to go. Get a lock on her door today please unless he is leaving immediately.

He is touching her by pressing his body into hers and christ knows where his hands are. Horrible.

He has to go and he must never be left alone with your daughter.

She told him to stop and he ignored her, you told him to stop and he ignored you, there is something very wrong going on.

I do not believe there is an innocent explanation for his behaviour.

He will be leaving today, he has another parent to go to so will not be needing notice.

Bloody hell that’s awful. Your poor dd.

id be asking him to leave. No, telling him to leave.

have you asked him why he does it??

It's concerning and at the very least, weird. It's serious because your daughter has expressed she doesn't like it. He definitely shouldn't be looking after her as he has overstepped the boundaries and won't listen, and she's not comfortable being with him.

Even if he's her brother on both sides it still isn't right. He should not be going into her room at all at night. It's very inappropriate and who knows if he's not masturbating next to her? It's just so weird. You have to protect your daughter and not just take her word for him not touching her!!!

You're doing the right thing, he needs to leave asap.

That is so fucked up and I'm so so glad you've taken it seriously

Give the family that say you're over reacting a wide berth too and do not let them look after your daughter either.

I've asked him but he just plays it down.
I'm glad my dd felt she could talk to me, she doesn't understand sex or anything to do with it but still knew she was uncomfortable with him so he'll be leaving, I can't risk escalation.

She may not be able to articulate exactly what he has been doing, please consider getting specialist counselling for her, and help for yourself, and consider that his behaviour may need reporting

I can't fathom how his other family are justifying him sneaking into an 8 year olds bedroom!

This is serious.
He a grown man!
Horrible that it has gone on this long. No wonder your poor daughter has trouble sleeping 😢