To wonder if it’s normal to not enjoy days with your children ?

[thepuppetshow]

I work part time and have two days a week off with my children and I dread them a bit.

They are lovely but so demanding (obviously they are as they’re only little) and I struggle to fill the day with them.

Is it the same for anyone else?

God yes it's hard work. Mine are 2 and 4.

My plan when at your ages were I would plan stuff for oldest and youngest just came along for the ride as you will. If they could get involved too great.

Then home for the little one nap. One to one time with eldest doing stuff can't do with youngest eg marble run games eyc.

Then afternoon out for walk/bike/park. Wherever possible. When weather shit indoors games. Start cooking tea around 4/4.30. Tea 5-5.30. 5-30 - 6.15 ish play/tv down time. 6.15-7 bedtime routine.

And repeat!

Any chance that on your days off you could have them alternately in nursery, so you get a day with each of them separately?

Don't do this. As they get older they need to learn to appreciate each others company and play together. If they are barely ever together & used to having your sole attention they will just fight for your attention and squabble on the occasions they are together. They need to learn (elder one especially) to occupy themselves a bit and share your attention. It will help a lot when eldest starts school as it offers a lot of stimulation.

Its a sacrifice right now because its a bit crap for you but it will really pay off. Mine are now 7.5 and just 5 and it was so tricky at 18m & 4 but now they play together loads and its brilliant. They have played loads since the youngest got to about 2.5 & could talk etc.

Oustedbymymate i think thats a good strategy, i did similar.

Things like swimming worked well, they both liked it and it knackered them out

It’s the ages. Our DDs are 5.5 and 3 and so much easier this summer than last (am a teacher, so do all of the holiday childcare myself). Once the youngest can race around a park, scoot, cycle etc then your days will be much easier as they will be able to enjoy the same activities.

See these are great but not with a baby around.

DS on his own is easy, entertains himself really … But not with his sister around!

It sounds awful but in some ways I’m really looking forward to her turning 3

Individually, they are just lovely. Together, they bicker, cry, etc it ruins most days out. It's so draining.

Threads like this always make me chuckle too about how people think kids are "so little" to be starting school at 5.... meanwhile most people with an old in year kid finds by about age 4.5 that good god do they need to be in school! Many kids get bored at home well before age 5 and are ready for the social interactivity of school. Especially as reception is EYFS and completely play based.

It sounds awful but in some ways I’m really looking forward to her turning 3

Not awful at all. For me the key was speech, by 2.5 most can talk and it makes a massive difference. Plus they can ride a scooter etc

Our DC didn’t like Reception as all the EYFS judgey stuff like zip up coat was tricky for him being very tiny and prem. He liked the phonics and in Year 1 there was much more learning to enjoy

14m is such a hard age. they can:

• move and break stuff/hurt themselves,
• make a mess/cause havoc
• cry really loud
• have a tantrum over god knows what
• produce massive shits
• inadvertently piss off older child

But they can't

• play on much at a park without loads of help
• play properly with most toys except simple stacking/shape sorting etc without loads of help
• talk/explain what they want
• move anywhere under their own steam at any real pace
• use the toilet
• be a proper companion/playmate for elder child

I enjoy my days with my dcs, I'm a sahm so I'm with them every day. But the eldest is at school and it's definitely more enjoyable to have just one dc to worry about for most of the day. Very glad we had that bigger gap to allow for that. In the holidays she does a lot of activity camps so she is out of the house for school hours. When I have both of them together we do trips out as it's easier to manage than having them indoors all day.

It’s such hard work! I always made sure I had an activity planned for the morning as that was the best time of day to take them out. Then home for or after lunch (packed lunch), tv and chill for a bit then play at home.

Mine are 3 and 5 now and it’s so much easier. I look back at photos when they were smaller and think my god that was a difficult time. I feel like I’ve emerged from the dark age or something. Life is so much easier.

Yes my youngest has excellent speech and he’s had far less tantrums etc because he has been speaking very well since turning 2. He can talk about his emotions and needs.

By contrast my eldest had a speech delay and only really spoke in sentences and had a much more limited vocabulary until 3.5 it made a huge difference.

We did lots of walks and play areas outside. Aldo older dc did have inside activities sitting at a table and younger sister wasn’t allowed to interfere. They are different ages and need different things to keep them occupied. Mine never really played together as they had the same age difference as yours. Older one liked stories and a quiet time too.

It’s always to say NO when they whine and whinge. Get them to articulate what they want. However playing nicely together, whilst it’s the Holy Grail, is often not achievable. Wearing them out with a walk or visit to a park can work,

We did lots of outings. I found it easier to have a set routine. So breakfast, get ready, go soft play/park etc. lunch , nap for younger, 1:1 with older, then play in garden or do crafts /baking (younger in high chair)
Tv/screens while cooking tea.
Minimal toys out at a time to limit mess

This is where I do think we’re different as that to me isn’t a lot of outings at all. It’s so hard being home with them - impossible really

I used to, but it is better and better. My 7 year old has her moments, but overall is a dream and a lovely companion.

This ages and that age gap is full on and hard work. I used to seek out playgroups and use them to be with other folks. Structure to the day is vital too. Had to have a plan and not truly believe that activities so often touted as ideas like baking , are either going to last more than 10 minutes or be incredibly frustrating and messy

It's ok Op it's just you are tired. Gets so much easier once they can entertain themselves with Lego, books, colouring etc. and you will soon have lots more things to do as they get older. Also gets better when you can have proper conversation with them.

I do feel a bit rubbish. Elders behaviour isn’t great as the youngest is so incredibly demanding, I don’t actually feel I see him most days.

I don't feel as you do OP. I have recently started doing the odd bit of work and I miss being with them full time. I don't dread work and I definitely find it easier than being a full time mum at home, but I love being their for their first everything. That's not to say I don't find it exhausting at times because I definitely do! I dream of being with them six days a week then my husband having them on his own on a Sunday so I get a full day to myself.

Some part of some days I prioritise the youngest and try to occupy older toddler around that. Other times I focus on eldest and youngest bobs along for the ride so to speak. I split our time into early and late morning, nap time and early and late afternoons. I try to be home for naps if possible as I use that time to rest or recharge myself. They aren't both asleep until 8.30-9pm and are up at 6-6.30 every day so nap time is critical for my survival!

We do so much child led activities and only book one or two things on a week so that I'm under less pressure to get bags packed, double cloth nappies ready and snacks etc, out the door by X o'clock. Much easier to go with the flow some days.

I found my older child had fantastic concentration so often an activity would last well. We had board games and she could do those too. Simple ones!

I also used to go to all sorts of days out and she enjoyed things for hours. She could do Duplo and toys like that at nearly 4. I agree with structure for a day and seeing other families if possible.

I do actually enjoy taking them to the little activities that are on in the mornings in term time, but they tend to be only for an hour at the most so it’s a long rest of the day to fill.

I lost most of the mum friends I’d made when I had my second so that’s out. Most of them work anyway.

So normal as everyone's said! Mine are now not-long-turned-6 and almost-3 (and our third is due in the autumn). It's sooo much easier when the youngest child is nearing 3 I think. Found this with our eldest and again now with our second. Although our second does have some gross motor delay due to a few mild physical conditions so active outdoor play is a bit trickier than it is for most children of his age. Also our two play pretty well together now for periods of time and of course in term time the eldest is at school 5 days a week. I usually have two days off with my youngest each week and my DH has one day with him too.

I think 14 months is a super hard age for the little one tbh although luckily both of mine did have pretty reliable nap time then which helped. I would focus on the eldest during that time doing things we couldn't do easily with youngest around like card games, crafts, role play etc. My eldest still always enjoyed local church playgroups etc even when she was almost 5, the staff and other parents used to make a special effort to make a fuss of the elder children and there were always crafts and things she could do if the toys were a bit boring for her. Play dough and kinetic sand were also winners with them at that age. Doesn't matter if the little one just throws it around (as mine used to do!), let them get on with it then hoover after. Baths are good to kill some time too. Possibly soft play if your youngest will play for a bit in an enclosed toddler area (mine wouldn't but youngest couldn't walk until 21 months anyway so as I say, that complicated things). We used to invite other local families around with similar age kids too and everyone would help entertain each other. And of course, theres the television!