Should I be hurt over weight comment?

[Feelinghurt2]

Hello. I would really appreciate knowing if you think I'm being oversensitive. I was on the phone to my boyfriend earlier and we were talking about music. I happened to mention a particular band that I don't like. I commented that I dislike them so much that if I hear them, "it makes me feel as though my insides are shrivelling up." He replied, "Well, that's one way for you to lose weight" and then chuckled because he thought he was being funny. Now I am paranoid. I have a very difficult time maintaining my weight, and I very easily put weight on. I have recently lost half a stone and have been so pleased about it. I'm 5ft 6 and I weigh ten stone. I've got a belly and there's no disguising it really. I had a previous boyfriend years ago who was so rude about my shape and I am wondering if it's made me paranoid. Equally though I am gutted that my boyfriend today even made this comment when the music comment was completely unrelated to my weight. Now I am wondering what he really thinks of me. Am I being oversensitive? I feel like crying.

I think he was joking (badly) as your weight and height indicates you are nowhere near being fat!

It was a joke. Clearly not meant to offend.

I have a very difficult time maintaining my weight, and I very easily put weight on. I have recently lost half a stone and have been so pleased about it

based on this, and presuming you have spoken to your boyfriend about it how pleased you are (perhaps even numerous times), then I think there's a very good chance he was referencing that - "lol you worked hard losing weight and you could have just listened to X". Only you heard the tone of voice and know his character, if you feel it was a mean spirited comment then it might well be, I would lean towards it being innocent. That being said, if your weight and body is such a sensitive subject, then perhaps mention that to him, say even if he didn't mean anything negative by it to not make jokes of that kind again as they upset you.

You’re well within the healthy BMI range. Why would you say you’re overweight? I think you need to reconsider your perception of your body and your choice of boyfriend!

I think he was negging you. If someone makes a joke about you and you don't find it funny then it's not a joke.

If you are 5 ft 6” and 10 stone exactly I am finding it hard to believe you have such a huge tummy. I am 5 ft 6” and 10.5 stone and I have a small tummy but I am still within a healthy BMI. I think you need to be less sensitive about your weight.

It's a joke. Me and my husband would say similar jokes at each other.

@Happilyobtuse Thank you. It's a very wobbly belly that I haven't been able to get rid of after a caesarean. I suppose we are our worst critics. Thank you for your reply. I think past comments made to me from nasty ex might be clouding my judgement.

Oh whoops, I'm close to 10 stone and I'm only 5ft 4in so I must be really tubby!
It was a joke. You're being over-sensitive.

If you just recently lost weight and have talked to him about it. Eg not eating dessert tonight dear; hurray I've lost 2 pounds this week. Then it's an existing topic of conversation and a joke I think.

OP, you're not overweight. In this situation I think you should just tell your boyfriend that you were hurt by his comment and could he not make jokes about your weight again. For all you know he may have just seen it as a joke and not think you need to lose weight at all. Has he made other comments about your weight and your body?

If you've been trying to lose weight and he knows that, then I'd take it as a (rubbish) joke.

Nothing about that comment says he thinks you’re fat. Especially if he knows you’ve been trying to lose weight- he’s just connecting it to that. He’s not particularly witty though!

I kind of agree with you - it was nasty, what man ever would think a comment about losing weight would make any woman, let alone his girlfriend , feel happy or loved? Does he often try and put you down and make you feel bad, or was this a one off? If it’s been more than once then bin him before you have any ties, your partner should be the one person you can trust to cherish you just as you are, not someone who puts you on edge, or makes you feel like you have to “qualify” in some size/weight category just to be with them.

You’re not remotely overweight. Don’t discuss your weight or body image with him in the future. I dated someone who constantly nagged me about my weight and I don’t appreciate ‘jokes’ now. The first criticism of my weight and they don’t get to see me naked again. I’m 52, 5’4”, 9 and a half stone, and this is a dealbreaker for me.

Please read all the thousands of threads on here about cruel and abusive men. Then think about what he said and the context. It’s nothing op

It’s not nothing if you feel like crying, OP. It’s going to make you reluctant to be intimidate with him and you need to explain that to him.

Do you comment often about losing weight/ trying to lose weight etc? I read it as though you maybe mention it often, so he's saying that it's just another way to achieve your goal. I wouldn't take offence.

Unless he has history of being mean, it seems possible he meant you as in the general everyone, not you as in you. Are you super sensitive about weight in general? Or just got you on one of those kind of days?

That should say intimate, not intimidate!

But it’s not something to cry about. Im sorry , I know we all have our different tolerance levels etc but sometimes it is a case of one person is being too sensitive.

And I don’t mean that in a “toughen up” way ..I just mean OP that I hope you don’t make him feel bad about what was a joke .If you are over sensitive re a particular issue , you need to own it and explain.

I’m 5’6”- wish I were 10 stone!

That would be my thought too. I don’t think the OP is being oversensitive. I had a first date with a man who said I had a big stomach after the date, he honestly looked like Mr Greedy from the Mr Men books. I let it go and carried on dating him - he carried on making comments about my weight. I estimate I lost about 14 stone three months later when I blocked him.