I'm a nanny with my own baby - what should I charge?

[Vizella]

Hi all,

I am a single mother of a 1.5 year old DS whom I've committed to looking after until he's 3 - I believe in prioritising his needs above my career, etc etc. I live with my parents at the moment, that's how I can afford it.

However, I am eating into my savings and would like to make some income as an after-school nanny so that I don't deplete all of my savings. Otherwise, I might have to go back to work and I don't want to do that.

My question is, would parents be okay with me looking after their children while I bring my DS along - he is well-behaved and bright, not the type to run around tearing things down - and also, should I charge slightly less or the same hourly rate?

So, in London, nannies charge about £15 net per hour, should I charge £10-12 per hour?

Thanks for your advice (and sorry if any of this offends some of you - no idea how lol, but you never know).

Op you sound great and really qualified and if my child was older I'd hire you

Yes it sounds ideal.
I guess it would be hard to do homework help etc but you could heat up snacks and supervise them all playing

Your child wakes at 7am. You feed, dress, interact with them until 8, before getting them in the car/on the bus, to arrive at nursery for 8.30, so you can be at work for 9am. You leave work at 6pm, arrive at nursery for 6.30 to collect your child. You arrive home at 7pm, feed your child, bathe them, read them a story and then in bed for 8pm. You have spent 3 hours with your child while they were awake, 19 year old nursery apprentices earning under £5 an hour have spent 10 hours with your child. If you have to work, you have to work, but you are not raising your child.

It's amazing that you think you know my work schedule and who works at DC's nursery. Right down to how far away nursery is from my workplace.

You're assumptions are incorrect. Even if they were correct, nursery workers provide care for children, they don't raise them. For a start, part of raising a child is providing for them financially, maybe I need to tell DC's nursery when they need new clothes and shoes? You know, since I'm not the one raising them.

My apologies. I missed your post where you spoke of your experience which is extensive. In that case I don't think you will have a problem at all. People are being ridiculously negative on this thread but that's mumsnet for you.

I know of 2 nannies who did this type of job who had toddlers of their own and seemed to work well all round. After school nannies are like gold dust especially reliable ones.

I wish you all the best OP.

I was giving an common situation as an example to illustrate my point. I'm sorry if I was unclear but I obviously wasn't claiming to know your entire schedule down to the time your child wakes up.

My point is, of course, that if you spend less time with your children than a hired carer, you are not their primary carer and are not the one "raising" them. If all they are doing during those hours is providing care, which is a totally distinct activity from raising a child of course, then what sets the time you spend with your child apart as "raising" time. Other than financial outlays, childcare professionals do everything you do with your child, and probably more frequently.

For once, I agree with your post @SouthLondonMum22

Nursery staff are no more raising children that teachers are. But does anyone criticise parents for sending their children to school?

Infants always know who their parents are, regardless. What child has ever preferred a baby room teacher to their mum or dad?

Even when working I still prioritise the care and needs of my child.

What happens if your kid has a cathartic meltdown while you're helping with this older child's important homework?

People don't criticise parents for sending their children to school because they recognise that there is a developmental difference between a 12 month old and a 5 year old. School teachers do not put your children down for naps, change their nappies, spoon feed them, physically comfort them, teach them how to dress themselves, potty train them, etc.

Since there is no time to explain myself fully, that I am not some horrible judgmental nanny keen on taking parents’ money while secretly viewing them with contempt. And since people on MN don’t know me in person and therefore cannot give me the benefit of the doubt, I will let them think whatever they want about me. After all, what people think of me is none of my business.

Thanks for all the positive and encouraging people who have told me to go for it, and thanks for the brutally honest ladies who have made me realise that not many parents would get anything out of such a setup when there are cheaper options available.

Knowing my DS, I think I will wait a bit longer to return to any kind of work. I will probably be able to do 5-10 hours of online work a week while my parents watch DS.

The reason I use words like ‘committed’ and ‘prioritise’ is because I sometimes find it hard being a stay at home mum! It’s a life filled with a certain amount of drudgery and because I believe it is what is best for it DS, I set aside my own desire to return to work so I can physically and emotionally be there for him.

Prioritising can look different for everyone- it might mean providing a roof over your DC’s head and choosing a good nursery where there’s not much staff turnover. It might mean giving yourself space from your childcare duties by working part-time and being a much happier caregiver to your DC.

The only people who raised DT’s were DH and I. Their highly qualified experienced nursery staff looked after them whilst we were at work. The staff - the majority older than me had degrees in early years, teaching or nursing. There were no £5 apprentices. Staff turnover was very low.

@Vizella

' The reason I use words like ‘committed’ and ‘prioritise’ is because I sometimes find it hard being a stay at home mum! It’s a life filled with a certain amount of drudgery and because I believe it is what is best for it DS, I set aside my own desire to return to work so I can physically and emotionally be there for him.'

BUT you were planning on taking your child to work with you !!!

so it's not as if you were going to work in a day nursery or nursery school and were leaving your child with your parents.

'It’s a life filled with a certain amount of drudgery ' and you were planning on doing the same ' drudgery ' with someone's else's child / children...

Plenty sets it apart. The main thing is that raising a child takes more than just a few short nursery years.

I think about my children's futures and make plans accordingly
I potty trained DS
I'm the one who was up all night holding his hand and comforting him when DS was so poorly he needed to be in hospital, I'm also the one he cried out for, not a nursery worker

etc etc

because I raise them. Not nursery.

your first sentence is very bold. What is this ‘objective’ evidence you mention?

While this topic invites strong feelings about what is best for children, I think it’s way too strong to be able to claim that the evidence is clear - as far as I can tell, there’s no general consensus that children do worse as a result of spending time in their early years (or ‘being raised’ as you slightly rudely call it) at nursery.

The key thing seems to be the quality of the environments and if you can provide a consistent, stimulating and loving environment(s) then your children are likely to do their best - whether at home or combination of home and nursery.

Not very helpful to claim you have the final word on this and put the boot in all the working parents who are really doing their best and make them feel they’re somehow not prioritising their children when nursery (or another childcare setting) might be great for them.

OlderGlaswegian,
It feels like drudgery because of how physically demanding mothering a toddler is and it’s never ending. But when you get paid for doing the same for another child, the drudgery is reduced by half, plus the parents come home and the job ends for the day.

ADHD is as hereditable as height.

It’s also more common among babies born by forceps, as DD and I were - they dented her skull getting her out. Maybe I should have asked them to leave her stuck in my pelvis rather than risk it…….. 🙄

Some reading below.

https://www.russellbarkley.org/factsheets/adhd-facts.pdf

https://www.russellbarkley.org/factsheets/WhatCausesADHD2017.pdf

(We didn’t use any childcare for DD until she started school full time just before she was 4. She’s still ADHD all the live long day (and wonderful for it).)

However, I am eating into my savings and would like to make some income as an after-school nanny so that I don't deplete all of my savings. Otherwise, I might have to go back to work and I don't want to do that.

I still don't get this - you say you don't want to go back to work - But that's what nannying is - work. A job.

If you don't want to leave your child, why don't you look for a 2-3 day nanny job 8/7 with similar age child and take him with you

Highly unlikely you will find a job 3/530/6 where you heat up food and tbh 3/4 hrs a day isn't going to pay much

I think you should ignore the negativity on here. I am sure there are plenty of people who would jump at the opportunity to employ an experienced, english speaking nanny, and may even view it as a positive that you are bringing your own child.

I know someone who did this but looked after similar age kids during the day, but no reason it wouldn't work well with one (or two) older kids.

@ComtesseDeSpair

"because depressed and anxious parents or those who struggle with executive function and moderating their behaviour as parents are more likely to make use of childcare to help them get by than happy neurotypical parents are."

Surely depressed & anxious parents who struggle with executive function are very less likely to be in paid work, or well enough paid work that they can afford/justify childcare??

Plus if a depressed & anxious parent who struggles with executive function is not really the ideal parent to stay home all day and be that child's primary/only caregiver?

Signed, a parent with ADHD & executive function (thankfully not depression or anxiety) who uses childcare so they can work (solo parent). Raised by a lovely SAHM with non of the above (ND cones from my DF side)

@ComtesseDeSpair and don't happy NT parents often have nice jobs & careers they want to maintain? And therefore more likely to use childcare?

Pretty sure she knows how much work her own child is and how is it not "doable" when parents with multiple children including that age do it themselves?

Are you deliberately being obtuse? They clearly meant "you" in the universal sense, not you personally.

Yes but it’s important to note that the first 3 year of a child’s life are critical in terms of child development:

This is from the book mentioned upthread by the OP:

”Age 0-3 is a critical period of brain development where children need attachment security as a foundation for future mental health. Mothers serve a unique biological function in this period. Through their physical and emotional presence, they regulate children’s emotions from moment to moment by soothing them when they are in distress, buffering them from stress that is toxic to a young child’s brain, and providing them with a sense of safety and security in the world. Only after three years of age can a child internalize a feeling of security that helps them cope with stress in the future.”

No reason at all this has to be the mother.