Mid week large weddings

[Mumforadecade1]

Is it unreasonable for couples to plan large (80+ day guests ) mid week weddings and expect Friends/Family to use annual leave to turn up ? I understand it’s cheaper to book a nice venue mid week but I am sick of using holidays to attend these things !
Aibu or should bride / groom expect lower turn out at mid week weddings ?

An invite is not a summons. You can decline. They are not BU provided they don't take the huff if people can't attend.. especially if distance means more than one day off.

Of course they should be aware that not everyone can attend but there is nothing in your post which suggests they think otherwise. You can just say sorry our holiday allowence for that year is already accounted for and wish them a lovely day.

As above, it is an invitation not a summons. No one is forcing you to attend.

I suspect you would be the one whinging you weren't being invited because they had had to lower numbers to afford a Saturday wedding.

Just dont go. I dont. Often it also means not just the day itself but a day either side for travel etc. Not to mention the expense.
It doesnt work for me but if others want to go then that's fine! It's an invitation - you can say no and there's no need to apologise either.

You politely decline, that's its.
Annual leave is precious.

Just decline. They will probably be aware less people may accept due to this, they also may be thinking this is a good way of making a wedding cheaper

Got married on a Friday as the registrars were working to rule so not possible at the weekend. Several of our relatives couldn't make it. We understood and though we would have preferred them to be there we weren't surprised or insulted!

I think they can probably expect a lower turnout.

You're not being unreasonable to decline though if your holiday allowance is overly restrictied

PS I don't think 80 to 100 people is a large wedding ...... but I live in northern ireland where all great aunts n uncles etc are usually invited

What about people who's shift pattern incudes weekend working. Is it okay for them to have to use annual leave for someone's wedding?
They are probably in a worse position since most weddings are at tbe weekend so probably have to use a fair bit of annual leave for weddings.

I wouldn't use annual leave

And just arrange it as a scheduled day off

Not everyone works mon-Fri 9-5. It would suit me

Exactly this!

I once went to a dry mid-week wedding
At the risk of sounding alcohol - dependent, that was tough!

I’ve said it before and not say it again just because the wedding is on a Saturday does not mean that you’re not asking people to take annual leave. I know literally 40+ people that works shifts that fall on weekends I know several people who work ONLY weekends. You cannot please everyone book the wedding on the day that you want and people will go if they want to celebrate with you. If You are the person who has been invited to a midweek wedding then you make up your own mind. Do you want to go or not? Do you love them enough to want to take annual leave for them or not? It is an invite not a summon end of story.

Yes!!

From someone who got married on a Thursday in my home city, 60 miles from my husbands we didn't really think what anyone thought of us tbh.

We booked our wedding & invited people, I will add that ad it was term time we did give every family with children to do what best suited them. For example if taking children out of school was OK then bring them, if not then come without kids, if childcare over night is too difficult with school run mixed in we also understood.... few months notice to rsvp no pressure.

Same as a weekend wedding would have been..... you can either come or you can't, we're getting married either way. You'll never please everyone.

Will add that everyone we invited attended, even evening guests travelling that we couldn't justify of the day time, every single person.

Sick of people thinking brides and grooms have to have a wedding to suit everyone else so no it's not unreasonable at all. I had two cousins that are teachers who got special permission from their head teachers to attend which I was ecstatic about be abuse I genuinely thought it wouldn't be possible but for the sake of 2 cousins attending I still didn't consider changing to a weekend. All of both of our families work and there's many different jobs and professions but everyone made it.

Had it been on a weekend I know some family members would have still had to ask for leave so you can't win either way.

You're not being forced or summoned you're being invited. Sorry we're not all mon-fri 9-5

I think it’s self selecting. Some couples choose midweek weddings because they want to keep it low key (and therefore cheaper). They know a lot of invitees won’t be able to make it. Those who are really close to the bride or groom will give it high priority and won’t mind using their annual leave.

You don't have to go. Just decline.

If you are sick of using your holiday to attend, then don't.
Why the drama? Jus politely decline.

Sick of using holiday?

How many yearly daytime invites are you getting??

Yes I think they should expect more people to decline. And as long as they don't make a fuss or try and guilt people into attending, that's fine.

We can't really do mid-week weddings because our annual leave is already gone on childcare for school holidays. We've got one next year, but if we got invited to another one we'd have to decline. It would annoy me if someone got pissed odd that I couldn't go.

I do begrudge using AL for weddings. I don’t think you can expect people to come if you book when you know everyone’s at work. Not as bad as inviting people to your wedding abroad though.

It’s fine to decline….but it’s very reasonable for a couple to choose exactly the wedding they want