To bring a gift anyway

[Maria1979]

My DS has been invited for a beach house stay with his friend and friend's mum. When I asked whay to bring she said to just bring clothing, sun screen etc. But I want to bring a little gift but I have no idea what. Friend has Arfid eating disorder and mum is orthorexic so food stuff is difficult. Normally I would give a basket of biscuits, aperitifs, fruit, soft drinks, wine for the mum that they could enjoy but since the boy only eats pasta and the mum I have no idea (almonds ?) I am lost. I can't let my DS go emptyhanded, I would feel awful but what would be an appropriate "gift" in these circumstancces ?

Oh, forgot to say it's 3 days. And AIBU wanting to abolutely find something or AINBU ofcourse you don't come emptyhanded. And what can I bring ?

Bring something like a reed diffuser, a board game or some kind of nice outdoor toy croquette or something.

Something non food and drinks related would be the sensible option?

She's asked you not to bring a gift, as a family they have a lot of reasons gifts are difficult.

So just don't bring a gift.

Send what you have been asked to send.

It is fine to come 'emptyhanded' if you have been asked and told 'no, thank you'

Otherwise you are saying that your value of bringing a gift is more important than listening to the host and responding to their stated choices.

It will be far more important that your child is a 'good guest' - that they are polite, co-operative and pleasant and that you are available to contact if there are any issues than biscuits that are not wanted or useful.

Magazines/puzzle type books for the kids and maybe flowers for the mum?

Nothing to do with food for a start! Nice candle would be my thought, perhaps flowers?

What’s your son going to eat for three days?

I would send your son with cash so that he can pay for a meal or experience at an appropriate time while on the trip, then maybe send some flowers or something when they get back to say thank you.

Honestly if some brought me a candle or a reed diffuser I'd smile sweetly, say thank-you and then chuck them in the bin/charity shop as soon as you had left. Ditto most flowers or any kind of 'stuff' I'd then need to have around the house.

Make sure your son sends a thank-you message afterwards. Way better than a gift for the sake of gifting.

Obv the mum wasn’t going to suggest presents when asked what the child should bring for a holiday - that would be grabby!

board / outdoor / beach game sounds good as a gift for the other child to keep and can be used during the trip

I don’t really understand the question here. She’s literally said no gifts 🤷‍♀️. Are you saying your wish/need to send DS with a gift trumps the host’s very clear direction?

This is what I would do, an activity/game the kids can do together and flowers. Or just one of these. Or a "thank you for having me" card if the mum really doesn't like to receive gifts. I wouldn't go all out but would make a gesture - even when someone says don't bring anything it's still nice to give something that can be enjoyed

From the ops text I didn't get that she had asked her not to bring a gift. She answered ops questions about what to bring with practical things needed for her son. That is what I would reply to a question like that. I don't think many people would reply to that question with suggestions of a gift a guest might bring. That doesn't mean a gift would not be welcome when she is hosting your son for 3 days.
I feel, like you, that I would be uncomfortable sending him empty handed. Flowers? A thank you voucher for somewhere she could spend later. Need not be expensive. Could just be M and S or if she likes cinema/theatre ext a voucher towards that. Or you could plan a day out yourself for later for the two boys and tell her you would like to do that.
Anything but go empty handed. 😃💐

Can you be sure your DS will be fed properly when he is away?

I would just get him to write a card to say thank you.

People seem to think that she said no gifts but it seems like she said no need to bring anything.

I'd bring a plant when I collect them as it's a gift rather than something for the trip.

Feel sorry for the poor boy with an eating disorder no doubt caused by his mother. Make sure your son has some snacks.

It wasn't as clear cut as that. It was more me asking what I can bring without a gift being mentioned. So she might have thought I asked for what to bring for my DS.

Haha, I will put in some snacks. He's easy and eats everything luckily:)

Thank you all! Just remembered she likes gardening so a flower it will be for the mum. And maybe a bag of mixed nuts and dried fruit, I saw her eating that once. And I was going to let DS bring a Monopoly and some outdoor games as well.
DS is polite, calm and kind just like her son so she won't have a hard time with them. Still, really of her to invite him, he's happy. Thanks again for your suggestions !

She didn’t say no gifts though?

OP asked her what she should bring and she replied with a few essentials that the child would need. She’s hardly going to reply and say “bring some clothes and some sunscreen and a present for me please!”

I think some flowers is a lovely idea, and a thank you card from your son afterwards. Hope he has a lovely time!

@Maria1979 Agree with this ^. The Mum hasn't SAID please don't bring us a gift - no-one in that position would dream of doing that unless they were complete CF's. If I had been asked that I would have replied as this Mum did, referring to what your child would need. So please ignore the posters 'having a go at you' for ignoring the Mum's request.

As others have said, don't go for food or drink option but non- food/drink items would be perfectly acceptable

EDIT - just seen your most recent update. Sounds perfect

I agree with others, she didn't say don't bring a gift, she was factual in what your DS would need.
I think it's thoughtful to send a board game or two. Maybe an escape room board game (depending on their ages) or similar. Then some flowers or a plant for the mum when they're back.
Hope your DS has a lovely time

The flower/plant is fine on its own, don't gift her a bag of nuts!

I would send flowers or a pot plant if foodie gifts are off the table. Maybe a board game for them to play if the weather is bad.

I would steer clear of candles/diffusers etc. Scents can be personal. There's a lot that many people like that I don't. My DH finds many make him sneeze. As a result, we don't have very many scented things in the house.

Agreed, I detest horrible chemical smells and candles just pollute the house, they always go straight to charity.