Any men on here ? Where do you learn this script ?

[motelhotel]

You get married and have children. Then someone at work shows an interest in you a few years down the line. Suddenly you are having a breakdown/depressed/midlife crisis you aren't happy with your relationship situation in fact you were never happy with it in the first place. I hear this time and time again. Where do you learn this shit ? Is it when the girls learn about periods a school? Did one of your gormless mates suggest it ?
I know I sound massively bitter but I am genuinely curious 🤨

Other posters not papers.

There is no script. Not all men are the same or follow some set of rules made up by a woman trying to flog a book.

IME men settle. Settle for regular sex & for someone to do their chores. A lot get blindsided into parenthood. Women have the maternal instinct & are designed to have children. Men will simply go along with it, and as you see on here many times, it has no impact in their career, hobbies or day-to-day life.

What happens next is then down to circumstances. Some might meet someone at work who is younger & doesn't have kids. Some might emerse themselves more into their work or their hobby. Who knows.

What I would say to anyone wishing to settle down with a partner is to observe how they lived before you met them. Do they still live at home & have mummy cooking & cleaning for them. If they moved out do they house share & live in a shit tip or do they live on their own where their house is neat & tidy, do their own laundry and dont spend all their time down the pub.

You can tell a lot about someone by how they lived before you met them. They wont change at age 40 or 50.

And no, I did not read your original post at first. Not terribly interested to be honest. But when you accuse me of nonsensical anti men hogwash then I will respond because you're talking rot.

"I am not anti men at all. I just despise those idiots who think those that they cheat on are stupid and believe their hogwash. All idiots male and female before you launch into yet another unfounded accusation."

Er...

"And they think they and their new girlfriend / supply are the first to ever feel twoo wuv.

And nothing and nobody must stand in the way of their cock twoo wuv destiny."

I've understood very clearly from the beginning. Yet you seem completely unable to understand your own words. Anyway, you're boring me now.

In 2024 with no-fault divorce allowed, there's nothing stopping people from doing exactly as you say.

Except their own desire for a relationship. Most people cheat because they're not actively unhappy in their marriage. They're mildly dissatisfied. Not enough to divorce, unless something better comes along.

Life as a couple will always be financially easier anyway and there are drawbacks to being single when you've been in a relationship for a long time.

@DagenhamDanny the men who cheat and those script. They are who we are discussing on this thread.

Not all men.

So no, that doesn't make me anti men at all.

I'm boring you? Jesus wept. Two short planks much? That's you not me.

Perhaps stick to Dadsnet.

Posters on this thread please be careful.

If you discuss men who cheat and use the script, you will be described as anti all men.

Even though that's what the op was asking about.

@Biggaybear very insightful but depressing.

I get from that post that some men can't even be bothered to find someone they actively want when they are younger so go with the flow. If only they could put their big boy pants on and admit they were too lazy to make grown up decisions at the beginning.

But the OP asked a question about where men learn the script when clearly it's a 2 sex thing. So thats why the conversation will move away from the original point. Or is the blunt answer to the OP that they learn it in the same place as women do? There isn't a difference between either sex using the script so it could have been phrased as a general question to both sides.

I know most women use the same script and so it must be something built in that people use to deflect their guilt and try and blame the other person.

I’m sorry you’re having to go through this OP.

Its even more frustrating when these idiots use the script, instead of admitting that they’d been happy but now want something else.

I thought The Script referred specifically to the words or excuses used by the cheater when everything comes out ie the denying, minimising, blaming etc.
Rather than the reasons for the infidelity.

Lust is very compelling. When on the high of a new attraction, it's easy to think everything else is less real, less meaningful. Easy for men anyway - mothers are more likely imo to consider the fallout for their kids, which dampens lust somewhat.

No one wants to be the villain of their own story, so they rewrite it to make their behaviour someone else's fault. Gets rid of those pesky lingering feelings of guilt!
This can apply to both men and women, but men are enabled by society to leave more easily. So consequences are fewer and less harsh than for women.
It's an innate selfishness and sense of entitlement - again enabled by a society which doesn't compel men to be as accountable as women. Maybe the script makes it easier for men to justify to themselves the devastation they cause their families.

On some level they feel they deserve that extra marital affair which come back to that innate selfishness and sense of entitlement,

It's narcissistic behaviour, cheating, deceiving, lying and then DARVO
Deny Attack
Reverse Victim and offender.

• It's your fault, you are a boring, miserable wife who didnt prioritise ME,ME,ME , so it's your fault I went elsewhere.

Reality
Lazy selfish manchild who is pathologically bitter and jealous of his wife caring for their children, he leaves everything to her and if she's exhausted it's her own fault.
He will never be at fault

Tale as old as time

There is a script but surely there are also lots of cases where marriages aren't very happy and then someone (usually the man, but not always) meet someone else and wants something more exciting in their lives? Or just decides that they don't want to be with that person anymore - they may genuinely have not been that happy for some time..

Maybe there's an age gap and they see elderly care looming and decide to beetle off before it can happen (eg you might decide to get divorced if you are in your 50s and your partner in their 60s although I guess it's more likely to be the women who's younger).

Maybe they decided to stay together until the kids are grown up and then they want their life back.

I am not sure it's just immaturity and an inability to keep your dick in your pants.

men are enabled by society to leave more easily

yes I was reminded of that today when I saw a book review in the Times headlined "what sort of mother leaves her kids".

Women are significantly more likely to file for divorce than men.

That mothers are much more likely to be the RP after a split is unrelated to who initiates the breakup.

I filed for divorce because exDH left me for another woman and I wanted to get a financial settlement before he got OW pregnant ( I'd had more assets than him pre-marriage). The partner who initiates the divorce is not necessarily the one who chose to break-up.