Everyone ganging up on me

[Neapolitanicecream]

I’m so frustrated that I can’t ask the kids to wash up without eventually shouting to get it done. And DH just says stop shouting and turns on me

I can't stand shouting. Is there no alternative?

Tell DH to do them then

Another vote to tell DH to do it

How about asking them to do it once, if they argue, explain that if they don't do it, you will eventually run out of dishes, and you won't be able to cook or feed them.

If DH sticks his oar in, just ignore him, and stick to what you've said.

I know it will annoy the hell out of you to see the dirty dishes piling up, but then when they next expect a meal, and you explain that you couldn't make it, because they haven't washed the dishes, hopefully the penny will drop.

I know this sounds drastic, but it sounds like it's what you need to do. As a matter of interest, how old are the kids?

Call the child/ren down nicely and then walk them to the sink/area that needs cleaning and tell them to do it.

Yes I agree... the alternative is ppl need to listen once in a while so their mums dont have to shout.

There is nowhere else to go when you said it time and time again

Stop making food for them.

I agree just stop doing it and when it gets to cooking, well you can't. Just wash up one when you need it. Seriously....it's literally the only thing that works in my house. I'm the only adult but kids are teens and it increasingly gets to the "going on strike" thing. I refuse to be a skivvy.

Agree that you need to ask them once, nicely, and then leave them to it. Dishes pile up and you can't serve the next meal. Natural consequences.

Ask and don't shout. If they don't do it then inform them that you can't cook the next meal as no one washed up. I do this and it works well! They can either wash up or have a can of soup for dinner!

How old are the kids.

Agree with everyone else, ask once if it isn’t done by the next mealtime head out yourself to a drive thru feed yourself and leave them to deal with the consequences of their behaviour.

Tell them once, at a normal volume, and tell them what the consequences will be if they don't (loss of screen time or whatever). Then stick to it.

How old are they?
Back when I was a child, my dad made a rota for me and my siblings.
Fast forward and my two have to take it in turns to sort the kitchen as I've cooked and I'm not doing everything!
It used to annoy me that sometimes the kitchen didn't get cleaned immediately but I overlooked that because it got sorted at some point before they went to bed.

There is nowhere else to go when you said it time and time again.

You have more power than you think, they need you a lot more than you them. You just have to be prepared to play very hard ball. Controlling the WiFi is a minimal effort maximum leverage power. Oh how I chuckled when DD burned through her data in an effort to get one over on me and I made her earn back her WiFi privileges one chore at a time.

the problem here is your dh. He is the one that is allowing them to behave this way. My dh would immediately ask dc to do it.

I had this with mine(teens), came home from work one day and they hadn't done the washing up/tidied the kitchen, I was fuming.They immediately asked what for tea and I just said that I couldn't cook till the kitchen was tidy. I sat down and started reading, completely ignoring them, over the next hour they asked what was for tea and I just that I couldn't cook till the kitchen was tidy, eventually dd1 muttered to dd2 that they'd better tidy the kitchen😁

With my lot, I would ask once, tell once, tell again outlining consequences of not doing task, then give consequences. I always explained that the choices they make mean choosing to accept consequences, good or bad.

Natural consequences work best.

I ask mine nicely on a Saturday morning to ensure their dirty laundry is in the laundry baskets as I am about to sort and start the washing. Which I will be doing at eg 10am.

They never want to do it but they know they will "miss the wash" if they don't.

And then they'll have to do their own washing which evidently is a fate worse than death!

🤣🤣

Also "choose your hard".

It's hard on a Saturday morning to have to stop screening and sort out your washing.

It's also hard to have to do your own washing.

Choose your hard.

It's boring to tidy the kitchen.

It's also boring to have to make your own dinner the next day as no one has washed up the day before.

Choose your boring.

I had so many chores as a child i didnt have a childhood.
We would be at school all day but some how had a mess to clean up when we got home that we didnt do.
My mother wouldnt wash a cup up.

With @eggandchip I wonder how old your DC are? I was on kitchen duty from too young.

Assuming they are teens, I agree with @AnneLovesGilbert

I dont have children.
If i did i would let them be kids and id be the parent if i had them i would take care of them not them taking care of me or my home.

Thanks,@eggandchip . I meant to say that I thought you asked a great question of the OP and I also am interested in her answer.

I think children should have chores, as should grown men of course. All the more if there is no SAHP. For teens, plural, to cooperatively clean the kitchen seems fine as long as the cook is taking reasonable care.