Everyone ganging up on me

[Neapolitanicecream]

I’m so frustrated that I can’t ask the kids to wash up without eventually shouting to get it done. And DH just says stop shouting and turns on me

Are you able to book and take yourself off for Sunday lunch tomorrow? Leave them to their consequences - and that includes your husband!

You shouldn't be asking time and time again. You go the the person, ask them to stop what they are doing and look at you. When you have their full attention, tell them what it is that needs doing. Confirm that they understand. Make a clear time for it to be done. Confirm that they understand. If they don't appear at said time, go to them, ask them to stop what they are doing and look at you. When you have their full attention, tell them it's time.

No shouting necessary.

Serve their meals on dirty plates. They'll soon start doing the washing up

Are you asking dc generally or giving specific jobs to individual dc? I have to be very specific or they argue. Also, what ages are they?

Excellent!! Unfortunately (??) mine both caved well before that point so I never got to have that joy …

Either DH steps up and tells them to (not ask if you've already gone past this point), remove their privileges or simply prepare food for yourself although this might necessitate having to go and buy a ready meal.

Sunsetbeachhouse, 👍👍👍

I have asked you twice now. If it isn't done by XX then I am turning off the WiFi /taking away the PS5 controller/ whatever.

Yes, there is. That place is saying things once and once only, and introducing consequences when they don't do as they're told the first time.

We've all met the "stop doing that or I'll tell you to stop again" parents. Have you ever seen it work? Why would your kids be different?

You have taught your kids to believe that anything that comes out of your mouth is white noise which can safely be ignored. (As they get older, this may well become what they think about women and what they say in general). You need a reset. It may take a few goes before they understand that you mean it and the rules have changed and are going to stay changed. If you ever cave (like, if you tell them you are taking their phones for the rest of the day and then give them back after an hour because they whined / nagged) it will take a lot of goes. But the choice is 100% yours. Just stop acting so helpless. You are the parent.

'eggandchip' one of the most important parts of having children is to teach them things, so that they're prepared to deal with life both in the home and out of it, when they're adults. Doing everything for them, including the dishes, leaves them entitled, and unpleasant, not to mention clueless, is that really what you'd want for your children if you had them?

How old are the DC and what are they doing when you ask them to wash the pots? There needs to be a better consequence than being shouted at

All children need chores but not a list of them.

How old are the kids?

Nailed it.

Natural consequences are the way to go.

My ds trains heavily for a sport. Relies on lifts twice a day most days to training.

I use to give him chores.

If they weren't done I would do them.

Took just a few times and often a year apart when he slipped for him to stop "forgetting". Because he's say "are we leaving yet for training" and I'd reply "oh sorry - I haven't time to take you this evening as x y and z needs doing".

Never even mentioned he was asked to do it. Let them work itself for themselves