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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go or not?!

44 replies

Boymum93 · 22/08/2024 11:29

Hi everyone - mum guilt has consumed me this morning and would just like another opinion. I’ve just come back from a lovely sunny family holiday with my 2 dc (4 and 8) however they are now due to go stay with their dad for a week (divorced) and he has mentioned he is taking them somewhere UK based (all fine). However a friend has now invited me on a holiday for 5 days in a sunny destination 3/4 hours away. I mentioned this to a family member who was outraged and can’t believe I’ve considered going away without them - she said what if something happens and you’re that far away? Wont you miss them? Im now second guessing if I should be going and feel bad for even considering. I’m a single mum and a break would be nice - AIBU?

OP posts:
WhyArePiratesCalledPiratessss · 22/08/2024 11:32

I am writing this from a lounger in majorca.
While my kid is with my ex, her dad, at his house in dudley.

Go.
Enjoy the break.

SummerSplashing · 22/08/2024 11:37

Give the relative (your mum?). A stiff ignoring.

theyre with their Dad, you can miss them here sitting in the drizzle or on holiday with your friend. Sitting here, in the drizzle, doesn't make you a better parent.

its highly unlikely they're going to come to any harm anyway. Being a flight away makes fuck all difference.

you've had a 'holiday' with them (aka parented them in more than difficult environment than usual!!) now you can have an actual holiday!

Go for it!

saoirse31 · 22/08/2024 11:39

Yanbu , go off and enjoy, ( sorry i voted yabu by mistake)!!

SummerSplashing · 22/08/2024 11:39

Have you said 'yes friend I'd love to come' yet??

have you packed?? Bikini, sunglasses.

if not, why not?

SummerSplashing · 22/08/2024 11:43

saoirse31 · 22/08/2024 11:39

Yanbu , go off and enjoy, ( sorry i voted yabu by mistake)!!

@saoirse31 just go back & select the other choice, you can flip between them!

HansHolbein · 22/08/2024 11:43

Pack your suitcase right now and go!!!

Catza · 22/08/2024 11:44

What if something happens? They are with their dad. What if something happened when you were away with them on holiday and their dad was so far away... the world wouldn't fucking end I he wouldn't be questioned.
Won't you miss them? Sure but you'd miss them anyway. Sitting in your house alone won't change that, will it.

Augustisnearlydonesogoodbyesun · 22/08/2024 11:46

Ditch the fun sponge and get packing. Don't your dc deserve a well chilled dm when they get back?

PolePrince55 · 22/08/2024 11:47

Go on the holiday. They are with their dad.
The friend is jealous.
You deserve the break.

Olika · 22/08/2024 11:47

Surely their dad is able to take care of them. I am sure nobody would tell him not to go in case something happens when the kids are with you. Have fun and enjoy!

mamajong · 22/08/2024 11:48

Yanbu you will be a better parent if you've used their time away to recharge your own batteries, do people expect you to just sit in the house aline waiting for them to return?! Whoever said that is an idiot, tell them to do one

user30 · 22/08/2024 11:49

Say to the family member "don't worry, I've given them your number" 😂

MonsteraMama · 22/08/2024 11:49

Of course go! You're leaving them with their father, if anything happens I'm sure he's capable of handling the situation.

What difference does it make where you are if your kids are with their dad anyway? Please go and enjoy a holiday!

Rory17384949 · 22/08/2024 11:52

Of course you should go! They'll be with their Dad having a nice time and if the worst happens you're just a short flight away.

MoonAndStarsAndSky · 22/08/2024 11:56

Just go. No reason why you wouldn't. You're away from them anyway so what's the difference? All this mum guilt shaming nonsense is ridiculous.

Sloelydoesit · 22/08/2024 11:56

Definitely go. I did the same this year and whilst it felt a bit weird, nothing happened and I had a great time.
So much so I'm doing it again next month!
DS will have had 3 holidays himself by the end of the year plus a trip to a holiday park in the south of England so he's not missed out

Bectoria2006 · 22/08/2024 11:59

Go for it! Pretty sure the reaction wouldn’t have been the same if the dad was going…

Have a great time!

DaisyChain505 · 22/08/2024 11:59

Why would you not go?

your children have two parents who helped make them, not everything is on you.

they will be with their other parent, if you don’t have this opportunity you’ll be sat at home twiddling your thumbs.

go on the holiday.

you are not just a mum, you are also the person you were before children and you deserve rest and relaxation as a person not just a mum.

Dinosweetpea · 22/08/2024 12:01

Of course you should go, they are being parented by their other parent!

Stellisee · 22/08/2024 12:01

Please don't miss this opportunity to have a proper holiday, your kids will be absolutely fine with their dad. I bet whoever said that to you wouldn't say it to a man in the same position!

Turophilic · 22/08/2024 12:05

Your family member is a doom monger or one of thoser perpetual martyrs who thinks women should live their lives on standby in case an offspring or older parent might need them at a moment's notice.

Your DC will be going away with their other parent, not the Childcatcher. Go on holiday and have a great time.

AttachmentFTW · 22/08/2024 12:05

Your relative (sorry if it's someone you care about) is being a ridiculous knob end. Go! Enjoy yourself! I'm sure they will be enjoying themselves with their dad. You will miss them wherever you are!

cannynotsay · 22/08/2024 12:06

That's so unfair, I'm sure you'll be able to get back if there's an emergency! Go have fun!

itsmylife7 · 22/08/2024 12:09

Your family member is being ridiculous.
Go and enjoy your break.

MangoMadness999 · 22/08/2024 12:10

Go go go. I was a single mum, you deserve this.