Copycat neighbour/ friend

[Ktda35]

Hi I don’t know if this is normal but it’s starting to feel abit weird so wanting others opinions, we moved into a new build housing estate a couple of few ago so did everyone else on the street as it opened same time , not many talk but am loose friends with a lady down the road she wanted to add on fbook so did , since then we’ve been round each others house a couple of times for a chat and cuppa etc. so loose friends not besties .

Anyway it soon started that she said she liked my kitchen stuff kettle tea coffee holder etc , I was like thank you didn’t think much of it but then a few weeks later she’s showing off on fb that she got it all matching too and kettle etc . Then she wanted me to get her hubby a job at my partners place of work which I said he needs to apply like every one else ( he did but didn’t get the job ) thought it would stop there but then she’s asked if she can take photos of my stuff to show her hubby i reluctantly agreed so now she has the same tv unit same garden gazebo etc , even painted her kitchen the same as mine. i took my family to a zoo an over an hour away a week ago posted pics online then yesterday she’s gone to the same zoo and posted pics . ( plenty of zoos are nearer )

Anything me and my partner does or buys she does a week later . Just unsure if I am wrong to feel bothered by this or just try to ignore it .

I know I don’t own the zoo or things but is it normal to copy to this extent. Also just to add she told me herself she hates if someone dresses up the same as her on Halloween or has the same top from primark ( I don’t shop there but apparently someone she knows bought the same friends top as her and she didn’t like it )

crazy huh

It's weird but pretty harmless. Did you try (lightheartedly) bringing it up with her? Next time you go to visit be like "wow, it feels like coming to my own house, haha. I can't believe you bought the exact same XYZ. I am flattered" or something to that effect...

Limit her on your social media.

Perhaps she is lacking in confidence in her own taste in things. It might also be possible that she has some ND traits?

It is flattering in a way, when someone copies what you have, but I wouldn't worry all that much about it. Don't tell her where you have booked to go on holiday though, or she and her family might all turn up at the same place while you're there!

Weird but harmless - i have a cousin like this, my mother always says imitation is the sincerest form of flattery - i just think its fucking weird and unoriginal... 😂 - it was so so so weird when she turned up dressed like me, with the same pram, named her son after the name i told her i was considering and also bought a dog.. like .. me.

Weird yes, but harmless. Clearly isn't good at forming her own opinions.

She might be very impressed with you and is using this as a weird way of connecting with you. It's very much something my mil would do and she's got awful self confidence and is lonely which is why she does this I think.

It's tempting to do something extreme (ginger pixie cut wig) but this might be a bit mean. I do agree with pp, this is an issue of social media. Either block her or put less stuff up on there. If you don't want people to take an interest then don't post. I'm allergic to social media though so appreciate my view isn't mainstream.

Tell her you think you are pregnant - with triplets.

🙂

Exactly this. Make her an acquaintance and limit what she can see.

I’m in a couple of minds about this. On the one hand - yes, it does sound a bit weird. Expecting your husband to get her husband a job is probably the most weird if I’m honest.

On the other, people tend to think they are more individual than they really are. Accusing someone of “copying” can make you sound about 13. I remember realising that half the cars on my street were silver / grey VW Golfs (including mine).

People are going to tell you to pretend that you have done something drastic to your hair or have got a scary tattoo. Don’t - mainly because it isn’t a very grown up thing to do. Plus, if she really is a loon, she’ll do the same and that would be a pity. Limit her on social media and avoid her for a bit.

Thanks everyone, it’s more in person she copies like if she sees me with something or something in my house then shortly after she has the same , or if she’s seen me walk past later I get a message where are my jeans / coat from etc .
I don’t use social media alot only post a few pics if we go somewhere as a special day etc then I put on a few pics the next day . I’ll try not to let it bother me and definitely make a joke next time I’m round here sayings it’s like my kitchen etc. The latest is that there upgrading there car to a 70 plate ( and yes we have a 70 plate lol ) I guess it is harmless but annoying.

Don’t reply when she asks you where your jeans are from. Just because she asks doesn’t mean you have to reply.

I don’t think I would read much into buying a car the same age as yours. It’s sensible to buy a three or four year old car second hand - it’s not so new that it will depreciate fast but not so old that it will need work done to it.

I’m conscious that I may sound a bit snippy - I don’t want to. There was a thread a while ago (maybe a couple of years) where an OP was annoyed that a friend had “copied” her by getting married and having a baby. That sort of stuff is just normal life changes.

I’ve got to be honest, this would really creep me out!? It’s more intense than I thought it was going to be when I opened the thread. I would definitely limit contact, maybe I’m way off but this sounds like it could escalate into something slightly stalkery..

We had similar, neighbour commented on our downstairs WC wall colour, and the cushions on our sofa, saying how much she loved them, when over for coffee once.

When invited to her house with others for coffee, she was showing off her fabulous newly decorated WC, painted the same colour as ours ( a dark colour so noticeable), newly decorated hallway, which also had curtains made of the same fabric and colour as my cushions.

It looked lovely, I had good taste at that time. 😀

It was nothing major, just a bit odd at the time.

Very weird, hopefully harmless but you never know. If you are not comfortable just distance yourself from her and this situation, it's up to you. If you carry on interacting this will carry on happening.

I'm sure there was a story from a mumsnetter in the same position and she got a short wig and posted herself in it on social media and then the copycat was furious when she found out it was a wig 😆

If she suddenly shows up with the same hair as you then start to worry 😳

Harmless

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery…but it’s also the most annoying!!

Can you change your privacy settings so she doesn’t see your posts? I would definitely draw the line at taking photos of your stuff - your home isn’t a show home! I would make a few pointed jokes and make clear you find it all a bit weird (/sad).

Honestly I think I would just laugh at it.

I’d also go and buy something hideous and tell her you bought it and then take your one back!!!! 😂

I get where you’re coming from, even if it’s harmless it’s still just a bit…weird.

I have a colleague who I am quite close to, she’s 13 years older than me (I’m 35 she’s 48), and I’ve noticed a few “copycat” behaviours from her and I know it’s harmless but sometimes it’s easy to just feel a bit irritated by it.

Small things like “oh I love that dress, where’s it from?” and lo and behold she goes and buys it, and there have been a couple of times we’ve both worn it on the same day. It’s not the worst thing in the world but other colleagues always love to point it out “Oo you and xyz are wearing the same dress today!” Yes I bloody know.
This will sound so minor and it’s only a hair style, yes yes I know, but I have long, thick dark hair that I wear in a French plait every day at work. When she first joined my workplace she has shoulder length blonde hair, but now she’s grown it longer, dyed it brown and guess what- it’s worn in a French plait. I know I don’t own the hairstyle but it’s still a bit weird.
This is amongst many other small things, (taking up candle making as a hobby as that’s what I do, buying the same home furnishings as me, switching to green tea and so on and so on) and all the little bits add up. Isolated they sound like nothing, but when it feels continuous it’s a bit weird.

One I found strangest was, during lockdown by boss left, she’d been there for years and years and was well loved. Another staff member arranged for us to make a fun little video where we all filmed ourselves sharing a favourite memory with her, and wishing her well.
For my copycat colleagues “memory” she recounted a story about me and our boss, but told it as if it had happened to her. It was something along the lines of “I remember when, on the outdoor residential, you encouraged me to go on a zip wire and you wanted to film it as a funny video for the website, I was terrified, and when I got off you were creased laughing and told me you’d been too busy laughing to press record, so you asked me to go on it again!”
It was an innocent little story but just so fucking weird as it happened to me, not her 🤣

I had this at my old house with my NDN. Their garden was an identical copy of mine, right down to the plants, ornaments, fence colour and lounge chairs. It annoyed me at first as I felt stalked knowing they were looking over to see what I had. Then I realised I must have good taste lol.
If I were you I’d collect some ugly bits you can find in pound shops/charity shops. Put it on display for photos and let her find a way to copy those. Post things about changing the wall colours to brown/black/pink zebra stripes. When she realises what’s going on I’m sure she’ll feel very foolish.

I live on a new build estate and made fast friends like you with my fellow new neighbours.

A few months in, it became obvious that one of my neighbours was controlling and projected out a lot of issues on to everyone including me. It affected my mental health especially knowing she was down the road.

There's an expectation in these situations that you make friends with your new estate pals but of course, there are people you want to know and people best avoided. It was really hard for me to avoid this unpleasant person but a few years on now and it's a distant memory.

I can see similarities here. You're in close proximity with this person who is expecting a relationship from you, but acting in odd ways & who you might be best avoiding.

@LouH5 that's bloody weird! Did your boss ever mention the fact that it wasn't her? I'd have thought of any of your other colleagues remembered the truth they'd have realised she was a bit nutty!

Isn’t it 🤣 I never got a chance to speak to our boss about it as sadly I never saw her again after she left, I did talk to a few colleagues about it and we had a laugh over it, but I was always a bit “wtf” over the whole thing!
I casually brought it up with the colleague/friend who did it, I jokingly said “your memory on Hayley’s leaving video gave me deja vu!” And she laughed it off and said “oh I know, I just thought it was such a funny story!” and didn’t seem embarrassed/to find it weird that she’d done that!