Its a Child Maintenance one

[TheSpoonyNavyReader]

I am posting in AIBU for traffic and posting on behalf of my sister, as I need to help her against her dickhead ex husband. I know that there will be some people on here that are more rationale and subsequent than I certainly feel

My Dsis has a 18 year ND (ADHS,ASD, AD, OCD) DD who is staying on at college, so will be 19 when she finishes college and is entitled to still get child maintenance.

DS ex husband is now asking for a breakdown of all costs for DN, as he is self employed and said that he will show that he has no earnings he is a (Prince of a man) if she goes to CMS. He has paid the minimum for years and she struggled and done all the leg work, he only sees my DN once a year.

What should we include in this breakdown- help

You're equating parents of working young adults charging rent because they are no longer entitled to benefits or child support, with the parents of a young adult who is still in education being legally entitled to child support though.

Two completely different things.

My comment was not for you.
I was stating what i have read on here.
I did not say anything about your DN getting an education either.
And im far to old for school by a few decades.

You have said that she is an adult, you have said its about getting money.

What you have written shows that you have no idea about this situation, as you seem to think that once you reach 18 everything stops. It does not.

Don’t do a breakdown of expenses. As others have rightly said, it’s a way to control and bully yr poor sister.
Using the CMS calculator and typing in various possible incomes It’s quite easy to come up with an estimated income for this prince based upon his previous payments to yr DS. For example:
If he has only this one child with her and no contact the calculator will produce £200 per month if you input a salary of £20000 a year….
I am guessing he earns more than this? So should be paying more… and his tax returns will clarify that.

She’s been putting up with these rubbish payments for a quiet life- this is now known as financially controlling behaviour. It’s illegal

Your sister should not be drawn into a debate about how much she earns, breakdown of spending on DN etc. CS Maintenance only works out the minimum the non resident parent should pay based upon their income and how many nights the child stays a week.
Attack is the best form of defence. Tell him he needs to continue paying £200 a month or you will be seeking higher payments based upon his tax return etc. .
Threaten him with a solicitor’s letter. And also threaten to provide evidence if he has foolishly put in writing that he will hide his income. CMS/HMRC won’t like that.

This.

He's an arsehole. You know it. He knows it. Why spark more drama.

He does not know that he is an arsehole, he thinks he is completely within his rights.

I have sent a message, saying not to contact my DSIS, DN expenses are £ 1000 per month I did not put any amounts down and he is welcome to contribute the 50% he wanted or carry on paying the £200 he was, or we can go to CMS.

Spot on. Good luck OP

Be careful because is he's self employed you'll get all but nothing. He could really call your bluff here and it backfire.

I don't think it's right btw, but have a self employed ex who currently owes me £15k so don't just cautioning on relying on cms.

Many people are self employed and most cant stop working or declare nothing to the tax man. I wish this myth on MN would stop.

And saying that your niece "costs" £1000 pm & so he needs to cough up 50% is just playing games. CMS is not there to pay half of the costs of raising children. I have a 17 & 21 year old living at home & between them they dont cost me £500. Maybe £60 per week for food, £80pm for gas & electric and another £50 for clothes etc. Add in a few extras & its likely to be no more than £300 between them.

If your income drops by 20% you can ask for CMS to look into your case, if you declare that you are not earning they can not make you pay, its sadly not a myth.

I am glad your 2 do not cost you no more than £300 aa month, but DN train fares are £250.00 to college, by DSIS rent is £1700 a month, I am being conservative in her costs per month.

That's DSIS rent though, would be that rent whether she was there or not. Can she not get a rail card for £30 a week?

Honestly I would go CMS and grey rock the controlling deadbeat dad.
Whatever you give, whatever you do it will never, ever be enough.
He’s playing a game.
Refuse to play.

I calculated the costs of being RP a few years ago, vs being just me
If it was just me I could rent a room in shared house incl all bills for half the rent on a family sized house which has bills as extra.

Realistically that's what I'd do if I didn't have DC. So no. The rent isn't just Mum's cost.

I moved to house my children when they didnt want to live with their mum anymore. I went from paying a mortgage of £900 per month to £2000 pm. Part of the increase is because we are now nearer where DC3 goes to college (London borough).

Dsis could move to be nearer the college to save £250 on train fares.

And for the record I've not had a penny from my ex wife in 6 years. She went off sick & now living with a new boyfriend.

Exactly. Housing your DC has increased your costs massively. Although I guess at least with a mortgage your house will (most likely) increase in value so you can sell and downsize again one day. So you do benefit from the mortgage in the long run. Iyswim.

But the DSis might not be able to afford to move closer to the college. We don't actually know. The housing could be much more expensive and therefore the DC is actually costing more over all.

I haven't had a penny from the ex in years either. It's pathetic.

All of the your DSIS could do this and that, is just wrong.

My DSIS is living within her means, not being greedy with what she is wanting what she is legally entitled to, continued support from her DD father while she is in non advanced full time education. The £200 she is asking for is what she has had from her ex for the last 10 years, never had an increase, although her ex could have definitely given more and the CMS calculator shows that he should be £575 a month.

She should go via CMS, she may be entitled to some back pay.

The reality is that he doesn't want the breakdown so he can make a fair payment - he knows the costs haven't altered significantly between her being 17 and now being 18...

He just wants to exert some control over your sister and then refuse to pay anyway.

I'd lodge the claim with CMS and leave it with them. If he's a bastard about it and changes his income, that's on him but your sister isn't losing anything she wasn't going to lose anyway because he's not going to pay amicably regardless of the info she provides.

Is it fair of him - no - but if he was going to play fair, he wouldn't be making controlling demands!!
As shit as it is, there's not a lot she can do without being able to prove to cms that he's earning more than he's declaring.

Just make some numbers up, over-inflate them.

Half of all bills, include the whole bill if it is DC specific.

Petrol costs, clothes, food, transport, hobbies.

He will probably get a shock at what DC is costing his ex!

Sounds like a cow bag.