Its a Child Maintenance one

[TheSpoonyNavyReader]

I am posting in AIBU for traffic and posting on behalf of my sister, as I need to help her against her dickhead ex husband. I know that there will be some people on here that are more rationale and subsequent than I certainly feel

My Dsis has a 18 year ND (ADHS,ASD, AD, OCD) DD who is staying on at college, so will be 19 when she finishes college and is entitled to still get child maintenance.

DS ex husband is now asking for a breakdown of all costs for DN, as he is self employed and said that he will show that he has no earnings he is a (Prince of a man) if she goes to CMS. He has paid the minimum for years and she struggled and done all the leg work, he only sees my DN once a year.

What should we include in this breakdown- help

Who is still in full time education

I can sympathise with this situation.
Trying to argue with an idiot is impossible and a complete waste of time and energy.

I’d respond once. Get her to look at her bank statements and list all the costs on there. Rent/mortgage, utilities etc.

I'd definitely make an application with the CMS. Whatever you tell him he will argue about so let them deal with his arseholery.

My ex listed beauty treatments at £20 per month….when DD was 4 years old. That’s the level of lunatic I have to deal with!

The child still receives child benefit, as she is in full time non advanced education.

Its about supporting your child, that you are legally bound to do, if my DN was at Uni her Dickhead father would not have to support her.

Why should someone get away with not paying for their own child, not to mention a disabled child. FFS

Im childless i didnt want drama in my life.

Yes but still an adult.

Still classed as a child in the circumstances.

Please educate yourself.

I think you just want people to agree with you. He shouldn't get away with anything, but how are you going to make him pay for the next 12 months? You're not really are you? Deadbeats like him get to get away with it.

I do not want people to agree with me.

I would advice on what can be included, as my DSIS is a walkover, she is the one that has taken my DN to all her appointments, not had a great career as she has been dealing with DN issues.

Does DSIS put a percentage of her utility bills, food costs.

DSIS is happy to stick to what he is paying now that hardly covers anything but her dickhead ex is stopping that.

Thing is no matter what she decides to include he can decide doesn’t matter when you’re just doing a private arrangement.

You could put in water/gas:electric and rent and he will go but you’d pay that anyway so no.

You could include hair cuts and he could decide he knows somewhere cheaper so would only chip in a fiver.

Get her to list everything if that’s what she wants, but do so knowing he won’t agree. So when he then goes no only this much she can “agree” he feels he won and she gets something 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'd personally put:

Food
Travel
Mobile
Clothing
Appointment expenses
Days out
Pocket money

I wouldn't start putting bills and rent he will just pick it apart. Plus does having an 18 year old in the house cost much more than not having an 18 year old in the house? I have 2 teens and without them here I'd still be paying all my bills. I'm sure they'd go down a little but probably not too noticeable. This is how he will look at it. Because he's a deadbeat.

I agree with previous posters and wouldn't advise supplying BUT realistically if your sister is going to get zero anyway, she may as well try.
Your sister should pay her own half of bills, dad responsible for 50% of dn so

25% of mortgage/rent
25% water
25% food etc

Does your niece get dla or pip or whatever it is at 18 to support access in community? If there's more to be paid above that, then more of that

A normal 18 year old I wouldn't assign a clothes budget but if she's disabled to the extent she wouldn't ever be able to shop independently or work then 25% of that too

Does she need anything specialist above and beyond? Certain shampoos etc? How does she get to college? Petrol? Bus pass?

I'd list everything can think of and if he starts picking it apart then just quietly live life without his pathetic contributions. He shouldn't get away with not providing but he likely will.

A normal 18 year old I wouldn't assign a clothes budget but if she's disabled...

🤯 "normal"

I know it won't have been posted with the intention of offending, but disabled people are normal too.

If she really must go down the financial break down route, could she start by sending a list without costs?

accommodation
electric
gas
water
council tax
clothes
toiletries
cleaning products
sanitary products
etc etc

Make it a really long, detailed list (to emphasise just how many costs there are) without itemising prices (because he will quibble over them anyway).

A normal Wow.

DN does not work, so clothing has not come from DSIS.

PIP is waiting on appeal.

Give a total figure without a breakdown. Just say this covers all her educational materials, travel costs, sanitary products, hair cuts, clothes, food etc. Point out that it has always been far in excess of any contribution he has made through CMS and does not account for loss of earnings by being the primary carer for a child with SEN.

I wouldn't be saying 25% of anything. Why should he pay 25% of the rent or electric when it's a house he doesn't live in? If the rent is £500 it's £500 whether she's there or not. If the utilities are £200, but would be £160 if she wasn't there, then the fair thing would be to ask for 50% of the difference. So 50% of £40. You couldn't just say £200 utilities, I'll pay £100 plus £50 and you pay £50. That means he's contributing to YOUR life as well as his daughters.

There are 2 ways of dealing with this,
To say, ah your last act of vengeance I see, using DD as a pawn no less. Well you haven't met half of her costs...ever! So how about you leave it and do as you want to. Pay 0.

Then he has nothing to try and hold over her, no control.

Or

She can write an exhaustive list, and have the satisfaction of him knowing what needs are met for DD.

Bit in honesty he's likely to not do anything.

It's shit and it's not right. I'm sorry

This!

Or at least this unless there's a good reason to do something different.

I would contact cms. These men are a disgrace.
Do not give him any breakdown. He's not entitled to it

I have spoken to DS and said that she should put housing, utility bills and food at 25%

Which funnily enough works out at more than the £200 he is paying now.

We have worked out DN costs per month which are about £1100 per month with travel to college, cost of education, driving lessons, mobile phone, an allowance and clothes etc.

I am writing an email at the moment thank you for the nicer comments.

How these men think they can be above the law is beyond me. He has always been a dickhead but he has managed to get away with his shit for far too long.

Who still needs supporting financially due to being in full time education. The mum has to do it, so why shouldn’t the dad as well? And the law says he should.

Some of the treads on hear say a lot different like the parents that charge 3-400 for rent or stop cooking and washing as soon as the child is 18.
But still want money.

That's not the case here, so what's your point?

Just saying what i think like every one else.

Where is my DN going to get £300 a month from, when she does not work and in full time education, or do you just think that as she is 18 she should stop getting an education.

I am starting to think you are bored as you have nothing to do until you are back at school.