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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Children on my front wall

135 replies

LighthouseTheme · 20/08/2024 23:22

I have a small wall (2 feet high maybe) at the front edge of my garden. The garden itself is small anyway - three big slabs width from the porch/front door (with a set back area under the front window, and a gated path down the side of the house to the back). There is also a low gate that I had put on as the fact that the path slopes slightly and there is no barrier between my neighbours, meant that it was sometimes used for scooters. [I do feel a diagram might help...]

It has only been in this last year that I have done much to the front - as it is south facing and almost any plants will certainly die. But I now have some hardy-ish ones in planters, a wreath on the side gate and a pear tree and honeysuckle trying their best on the side wall and high fence to the other side.

This last year, a new neighbour's daughter decided that the wall is perfect to walk along and jump off (I think she is 10). As my car is on the road outside, I would quite often see her do this. Despite having been friendly towards them, she often walks past and, without her mother seeing, and without looking back, gives me the finger gesture. I added some plants on the inside of the wall at two spots, making it pointless to walk along the full length of the wall, but she still did it, stepping on the leaves of the plants.

Tonight, I could hear loud voices right outside, and when I looked, a group of (definitely pre-teen) girls were on the wall, all facing my house, dancing and jumping around. There was definitely a goading feel to it - but I only (I think) know them by sight. By the time I had got myself together to go and speak to them, they had gone.

A little while later, I had gone out to my car, and two of them (plus a little boy, I think a brother) came back, not seeing me at first and climbing straight onto the wall. So, in the conversation we had, it seems that I have to let them do it as they "are kids", they want to learn to balance, I am unfair and spoiling their lives and basically what do I know, they can do what they want... oh, and I'm a Karen.

So, apart from this moan, I am at a loss. The wall covers the length front of both my house and next door and so at my side, there are the plants in pots at either "end", and usually a bowl of water for dogs on the pavement side. But nothing for the half of the length outside next door.

My pathetic passive-aggressive attempts to prevent it are obviously not enough to stop them - and I fully expect to be ramped up now - or worse (I live in/close to a not-so-great area - and have been burgled and bullied and targeted in the past); sadly, the behaviour even at the start seemed very "goady" anyway, so I don't doubt I have already done something to warrant it.

Oh, what to do?
And I don't really think IABU but maybe I should let them just carry on.... (which I don't want to do)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
BetsyBobbin · 21/08/2024 00:15

If you don't have a dog I'd suggest one of those noise deterrent devices that only children and YP can hear, apparently it's very effective (I wouldn't know as I'm both old and deaf 😂)

BetsyBobbin · 21/08/2024 00:17

BetsyBobbin · 21/08/2024 00:15

If you don't have a dog I'd suggest one of those noise deterrent devices that only children and YP can hear, apparently it's very effective (I wouldn't know as I'm both old and deaf 😂)

www.bestultrasonic.co.uk/anti-social-behaviour-89-c.asp

Odearr · 21/08/2024 00:17

I don't think I'd get into a drama with children, who cares if they're trying to goad you if they get no reaction they'll stop. Unless they start doing something else in the meantime I'd just ignore them and they'll go away.

Franjipanl8r · 21/08/2024 00:21

Put a deck chair out in your front garden and start sitting there crocheting or reading a book or something. I doubt they’ll want to sit on your wall if you’re in your front garden all the time.

Oftenaddled · 21/08/2024 00:22

I just think they are now going to be invested in the drama, and you don't sound confident their parents will help. But soon they'll be back at school and days will be shorter. I'd expect them to lose interest fast.

If not, low railings on top of the wall. I wouldn't rush out and do that yet, though.

And try not to take it too personally. You may be surprised how they'll grow up. I think you may enjoy your garden more if you just think of the children as a passing nuisance for the next couple of weeks.

EleanorMc67 · 21/08/2024 00:28

Can you lift the slabs, fork over the soil, plant lots of heat & drought-tolerant plants that are good in poor-ish soil (grasses/euphorbia/rosemary/yucca etc), then dress it with a few cms of 4-10mm pea shingle? Basically a narrow gravel garden where the plants will eventually establish against & over the wall?

converseandjeans · 21/08/2024 00:32

I think whatever you do will escalate the situation & they will see it as a challenge. If you're able to just ignore. I find in school the naughty kids hate being ignored when they want an argument about something. I don't think it's acceptable that they are treating you this way - but it will be more fun for them if you react.

OhMaria2 · 21/08/2024 00:38

LighthouseTheme · 20/08/2024 23:22

I have a small wall (2 feet high maybe) at the front edge of my garden. The garden itself is small anyway - three big slabs width from the porch/front door (with a set back area under the front window, and a gated path down the side of the house to the back). There is also a low gate that I had put on as the fact that the path slopes slightly and there is no barrier between my neighbours, meant that it was sometimes used for scooters. [I do feel a diagram might help...]

It has only been in this last year that I have done much to the front - as it is south facing and almost any plants will certainly die. But I now have some hardy-ish ones in planters, a wreath on the side gate and a pear tree and honeysuckle trying their best on the side wall and high fence to the other side.

This last year, a new neighbour's daughter decided that the wall is perfect to walk along and jump off (I think she is 10). As my car is on the road outside, I would quite often see her do this. Despite having been friendly towards them, she often walks past and, without her mother seeing, and without looking back, gives me the finger gesture. I added some plants on the inside of the wall at two spots, making it pointless to walk along the full length of the wall, but she still did it, stepping on the leaves of the plants.

Tonight, I could hear loud voices right outside, and when I looked, a group of (definitely pre-teen) girls were on the wall, all facing my house, dancing and jumping around. There was definitely a goading feel to it - but I only (I think) know them by sight. By the time I had got myself together to go and speak to them, they had gone.

A little while later, I had gone out to my car, and two of them (plus a little boy, I think a brother) came back, not seeing me at first and climbing straight onto the wall. So, in the conversation we had, it seems that I have to let them do it as they "are kids", they want to learn to balance, I am unfair and spoiling their lives and basically what do I know, they can do what they want... oh, and I'm a Karen.

So, apart from this moan, I am at a loss. The wall covers the length front of both my house and next door and so at my side, there are the plants in pots at either "end", and usually a bowl of water for dogs on the pavement side. But nothing for the half of the length outside next door.

My pathetic passive-aggressive attempts to prevent it are obviously not enough to stop them - and I fully expect to be ramped up now - or worse (I live in/close to a not-so-great area - and have been burgled and bullied and targeted in the past); sadly, the behaviour even at the start seemed very "goady" anyway, so I don't doubt I have already done something to warrant it.

Oh, what to do?
And I don't really think IABU but maybe I should let them just carry on.... (which I don't want to do)

Pyracantha. In pots. Lovely and spiky

Allthehorsesintheworld · 21/08/2024 00:43

Troughs along the wall? Drill through the bottom of each, attach with bolts so they can’t be pushed off. Nice spiky plants in them.

LighthouseTheme · 21/08/2024 00:48

The reason I held back on spiky plants when I put planters out there is because my attached (no boundary) neighbour, has a little just two year old. I did not like the thought of her coming into contact with anything that might do damage. Only las week, I left out a mini watering can for her to water the big trough plants, which is just ivy, rosemary and lavender.
It's a tricky balance - when really I would like to have a portcullis, drawbridge and boiling oil. Sometimes.

OP posts:
LighthouseTheme · 21/08/2024 00:51

Allthehorsesintheworld · 21/08/2024 00:43

Troughs along the wall? Drill through the bottom of each, attach with bolts so they can’t be pushed off. Nice spiky plants in them.

I did that - but with just little planter boxes, and minus the spiky plants.
But it didn't look great, and I couldn't put spiky plants due to next door's little girl.
The worst I have are Cordyline (which are getting stood on), and the planters mean they aren't quite over the wall enough to be an affective deterrent, if a deterrent at all.

OP posts:
Justrelax · 21/08/2024 00:55

Sounds extremely similar to my house. We get lots of kids walking along the wall or sitting on the wall (facing out though not in). It does irritate me (the sitting, not really the walking as I remember being a kid and doing that) so I was all set to tell you just to ignore them, but the little cow giving you the finger is infuriating.

I do still think ignoring is the best way though, because of the way you describe your area. Being targeted or having conflict with neighbours could make life absolutely miserable. As someone else said, they're off back to school soon, and it's going to be dark and - they're going to grow up. This is temporary. In the meantime I am uncharitable enough to hope she's focusing so hard on giving you the finger that she slips and falls off.

RedTinselCat · 21/08/2024 01:05

Get a camera. People are far less likely to misbehave when they think you have it recorded.

SaintHonoria · 21/08/2024 01:09

Broken slaps in rough jagged triangle shapes cemented on the top of the wall.

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 21/08/2024 02:19

They are doing this FOR the reaction. I know it would be tough, but if you just ignored them it will stop being fun and they will most likely move on

sashh · 21/08/2024 05:40

Can you borrow a snappy dog? Jack Russels can be a bit nippy.

Could you convince them you are a witch? Chalk pentagram on the floor, twig figures al a Blair Witch?

A big tub on honey. It is sticky and attracts ants.

Get a ring doorbell and film the girl giving you the finger. Do you know what school the kids go to? Sometimes head teachers can be more effective than parents.

Lacdulancelot · 21/08/2024 05:49

Next time you see them just say ‘ be careful, I saw wasps going in the wall there must be a nest.’

gerispringer · 21/08/2024 05:53

My sister had this problem with kids sitting on her walk and chucking crisp bags etc into her garden. In the end she replaced the wall with a wooden fence and a yew hedge.

mortgagefreesoon5 · 21/08/2024 05:59

If they fall from your wall and hurt themselves, whose responsibility is it? Can you get sued?
If parents don't listen, I would report it to their school so it's on record you have tried to dissuade them .
As per above poster suggestion, a snappy "Oi, you little sods , get off my wall" did the trick when we were children.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 21/08/2024 06:06

Can you do something like this OP?

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 21/08/2024 06:07

forgot to add the photo 🙈

Children on my front wall
Maria1979 · 21/08/2024 06:08

A 10-year old girl gave you the finger ? Where do you live? My DC (11) has some tough class mates but NOONE would dare give the finger to an adult! I would talk to your neighbour about the wall. Tell her you saw some teenagers drinking beer there once and therefore you will put vandal paint on it and you just wanted to let her know so her children don't climb up there. Don't say anything about her daughter. If she's giving the finger the parents are crap and won't care anyway, they will just be angry with you for pointing out their shitty parenting.

reallyworriedjobhunter · 21/08/2024 06:32

I would get a doorbell camera.