Sons birthday and grandparents

[Sparklybutold]

DS birthday soon. Making plans which included his grandparents visiting on his birthday. Grandma called to say they can't do that weekend as they have plans but can do the weekend after. I've spoke to my son about this and I could see the disappointment in his face. When pressed a little further he stated well they've been like that since I was born so I don't expect anything different 😔

No family on my side. I do feel disappointed for him, that his grandparents should prioritise his birthday over the plans they have, but then I don't have experience, so thoughts?

How old is he?

Age is pretty important here

They are still going to see him though just a weekend later. Personally I dont see that as a big issue

How old is he?

Just organise something special for him instead. Trip to the zoo? Cinema and bowling? Paddle boarding? Try to think of something that the dogs will be sorry they missed.

They are seeing him the weekend after. He’s your dc, and if he’s old enough to express disappointment “when pressed” he’s old enough to understand that sometimes people who aren’t actually his parents have plans.

How soon is his birthday, how much warning have you given them about your plans?

Just frame it as getting two birthday celebrations, two cakes....

It depends on how much notice you gave them and what they are doing?

I'd have checked with grandparents before suggesting it. It's really how you frame it.

"Ds grandma is busy on your birthday she will visit the week after "
Or
"So on your birthday we will be doing x,y,z and the week after grandma is coming down we get a second chance to celebrate "

14, will be 15 on his birthday

His birthday is towards the end of september

That's entirely reasonable - of course they're not cancelling plans. I wouldn't have thought most teenagers would be bothered tbh.

I think you can have an immediate family celebration on the big day and maybe even a school friends get together that weekend and then the next weekend see the grandparents - it sounds very normal to me - pitch it that they get an extended birthday celebration!

I don't understand why he's so upset, isn't he doing something with his friends, it's pretty unusual to be so disappointed at his age. Also it's perfectly normal to not rearrange plans if they are already in place for a visit to see him it's not like they're missing a party or anything are they?

I don't see the issue in celebrating it a week later. That's entirely normal for many (probably most) families. He wouldn't have thought it was a bad thing if they didn't make it that day unless that's what you've taught him.

In my family its normal to see grandkids 'near' their birthdays
I've actively discouraged them expecting to see dgc on birthday week as its hard to do birthday party and see GPs. I'm surprised a 14yo is so bothered about GPs. You should take care not to make him pick up on your negativity. Sounds like damage is already done (by you).

Extended celebrations is always a great thing

Bring it on .

Hehe love this post 🤣 in fact its my most favorite post ever!!!

Just make a big thing of having 2 celebrations - even better 🤷🏻‍♀️

Any chance your son has picked up on your own vibe/expectations over this? My son is slightly younger and over the years has often seen his grandparents/other family a week or so before or after the actual event and it really doesn’t bother any of us. What is the back story here?

I'm surprised a teen would be disappointed that his DGPs can't visit on his actual birthday. Would he not want to spend the day with friends?

I struggle to 'get' the whole everything has to be done on the day thing. But then my DS birthdays is Christmas Day so that's been fun over the years! It's what YOU make of it. I don't see anything wrong in them visiting a week later. If anything, it will extend celebrations for him. I'm wondering, same as a PP, if there is a back story here and if he is picking up on your vibes?

My dad always comes over to see my son every Saturday.
During school holidays he will also come over one day in the week, usually a Tuesday but it depends on the weather.

If my son's birthday happens to fall on a Saturday then my dad sees him on his birthday.
If my son's birthday falls on a Sunday or a weekend then my dad doesn't see him on his birthday.
Most years my son is in school on his birthday anyway.
I really don't see it as an issue.

At that age I'm a bit surprised that his main birthday celebrations would include grandparents rather than friends. If you were making the plans maybe you should have checked their availability first? Definitely sell the birthday week idea and two lots of cake.

Is your son correct, have they always been like this? If so why did you think this time would be any different?

I would just accept that it is their loss that they don’t have as great a relationship with your son as they could have.