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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sons birthday and grandparents

38 replies

Sparklybutold · 20/08/2024 21:27

DS birthday soon. Making plans which included his grandparents visiting on his birthday. Grandma called to say they can't do that weekend as they have plans but can do the weekend after. I've spoke to my son about this and I could see the disappointment in his face. When pressed a little further he stated well they've been like that since I was born so I don't expect anything different 😔

No family on my side. I do feel disappointed for him, that his grandparents should prioritise his birthday over the plans they have, but then I don't have experience, so thoughts?

OP posts:

Silvers11 · 25/08/2024 20:43

I don't really understand the issue here either. Grandparents visiting on your birthday when you are a teenager shouldn't be that big a deal. Sometimes I see my Grandchildren on their birthdays and sometimes I see them a few days either side. (they are aged 12 -18)

Is there a backstory here? Not unreasonable that the GP's have already got plans. Nor is it reasonable in my view, that you expect them to cancel those plans. Out of interest, what is it they are doing?

I don't understand why your son would be so disappointed either. Is that an expectation which you have put into his head, or what's the bckground?

venusandmars · 25/08/2024 20:45

When my dgc are that age I'd be delighted that they cared so much about whether I was there or not!

thursdaymurderclub · 25/08/2024 20:49

well they've been like that since I was born so I don't expect anything different 😔

how does he know this? its a very deep and strange comment for a 14 year old to make? if they have always been like this, why are you surprised that this birthday is any different to all the others his grandparents have not been there for?

grandparents have lives too. why do they have to attend every single family occasion? why does their diary have to work around all grandchildrens birthdays?

i would understand GC being upset if it was a special birthday.. but he's 15! whats so special about that?

he will see his grandparents the weekend after.. nothing wrong in that

Mamabearsmile · 25/08/2024 20:52

Him first every time...

Mamabearsmile · 25/08/2024 20:58

I'm glad he feels safe enough with you to say how he feels. He has a right to mind, if he's hurt he's hurt. Takes a village, a family etc.

Hankunamatata · 25/08/2024 21:03

What plans were you trying to make? Surprised a 15 year old would be fussed tbh surely weekend before or after for likes of family meal is fine

crumblingschools · 25/08/2024 21:07

At that age I would think friends would be priority.

How often do they see, how far away do they live?

Extended birthdays are the best!

Maf061 · 25/08/2024 21:43

Some grandparents are just like that. Perhaps you could have a word with them and say he seemed a bit disappointed that they couldn’t make his birthday plans this year so let’s try and make his 16th a bit special? Hopefully they will think ahead and ask you your plans before making arrangements

BeGratefulOfGlimmers · 25/08/2024 22:55

It could be worse … We had the best relationship with DHs parents (our child’s grandparents) then in their late 60s joined a cult which don’t celebrate birthdays, Christmas, any usual holiday which calendars are revolved around. Now we have no relationship. A few days later or even a week would be fine with me.

JRM17 · 26/08/2024 00:48

If he was 4 or 5 I'd say yeah OK they could have prioritised him but FFS he is 15 he's barely still a child. My 7yo would be able to understand and comprehend that he isn't the centre of the universe, some of us have jobs where parents aren't even able to be home for birthdays, Xmas. Think forces, Emergency Services. I think your son needs to grow up.

Welshmonster · 26/08/2024 09:34

Sounds like it’s been an ongoing issue. The grandparents will miss out as soon he will be an adult. My DS teenager is very close to grandparents

TinyFlamingo · 26/08/2024 10:21

Spin it, you get 2 birthdays now! More celebrations of you.

My parents are like this to me! Honestly I've been raised in a "as long as we do something that suits our schedule you're the unreasonable one" my whole life. But, as a single parent who has to do alternative Christmas and birthdays the special day is any day you chose as well. NYD is my Christmas day and I make it special and meaningful as Christmas is the day I spend with him not necessarily 25th.

I get iti do they are choosing this crappy behavior! It does hurt. I'm sure they'll be the first to complain when he's older and doesn't visit them/prioritizing their important dates as we votes with his feet when he's older.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 21/01/2025 10:16

TBH, it's a bit unusual for a teenager to be very keen on seeing his grandparents on his birthday, especially if he'll see them a week later.
OP, I wonder if your son is picking up your anxiety and disappointment about not having a wider family circle around him.
It might make a difference, even if you say nothing explicitly, to keep in the front of your mind all the good things in his life, including you and any friendships he has and the fact that he's a young person just entering what can be a very exciting and rewarding time of life. Be happy for him and proud of him, and let him pick up those vibes.

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