Are people on mumsnet reflective of the online world?

[Ineverlose]

I used to love Mumsnet and it nearly always made me laugh, cry, giggle, or engage in some way. Over the last couple of years I’m increasingly horrified by it. Some of the comments I read today were so cruel that they stunned me. And this happens all the time. Aibu to think this is reflective of humanity having been on social media for 20 years and this is simple the way the online life is now? (Or has society itself become crueller? )

Not all online spaces are like Mumsnet, in fact, I'd argue that in my experience Mumsnet is very much unique, but not in a good way.

It's an extremely busy, well frequented site, with an enormous number of concurrent users. For that reason alone, you are going to encounter the fringes of online society, including a selection of the most rude, delusional, stupid, vapid, ignorant, and thoughtless, as well as the vast majority who are somewhere in the middle of the spectrum and are none of these things at all.

It's not an extreme site, and nor are it's users extremists, but purely because of the size of the user base it's naturally going to include outliers.

No.

Most of the online world is worse.

Try Twitter for a bit. You'll love it.

I think Mumsnet is just reflective of a website that allows constant name changing, so that people can be curt/stroppy/nasty in one name and lovely in another, depending on what mood they're in.

On sites where name changing isn't allowed, I think people tend to be nicer, otherwise no-one else would bother replying to them.

No. MN has a higher average of degree educated middle-class women. I can't think of any other space that is similar.

I think people generally behave differently online to how they do in person. Many seem to want to go out of their way to be as argumentative as possible and do as much as they can to knock others down. There's lots of genuinely lovely people on Mumsnet though who offer some amazing advice and support, and there are some really nice threads/ topics. AIBU and step parenting seem to bring out the worst in people.

To be fair, we only have the anonymous posters word for that though.

No not ime. MN majority is full of a group just waiting to pounce so they can pick threads apart & find something to be pedantic & argumentative about. Frequently awful & rude. I always think they either have something lacking in their life or just think they’re better than the rest of us.

But…there’s another group who are lovely, non-judgemental, kind & helpful. I’m here for these people.

Thanks everyone. I must start following other threads. I just watch the trending ones and they’re really awful. I do think mumsnet seems more political than your average person, but not particularly posh. Have there been surveys carried out?

You mean the real world isn't full of left of centre degree educated women on 6 figure salaries who are also disproportionality dependant on Universal Credit and Child Benefit and almost all of whom have children with undiagnosed ADHD and don't trust their partner, and that can never see anyone else's point of view while feeding a family of 4 for a week on one roast chicken simultaneously purchased from Lidl for £2.79 and Ocado for £12.79 ;)

Actually I think there's a pretty good cross section here, and plenty of people who go out of their way to provide advice that is genuinely helpful :)

There are plusses and minuses to the ability to constantly change names though

The song and dance about private school VAT is certainly not representative of mainstream opinion.

It’s been mentioned often, but I do think that people have become more short tempered, more touchy and more likely to respond bluntly, if not rudely, since covid.

Since folk are pretty much anonymous, they’ll say things they might think twice about in real life.

Some of it is reflective of my world. The wit, the support, the intelligent and insightful comments. Some of it isn't. The MRA/male victim contingent and the hyperbole and misrepresentations that typify political discussions are not something I encounter in RL.

Yeah this is true, I am one of these people. I earn £250k P/a for doing not a lot but this is small change compared to DH. My ridiculously large house has stables with 3 horses-fully staffed of course, we holiday 8 times a year to the most luxurious resorts and my commuting car is a lambo-shop in the G-Wagon for space.
Really easy to tell you this online isn't it?
So no, I don't think MN is a true representation-I think it's full of shit.

I also think MN is not moderated anywhere near as efficiently or as comprehensively as it should be given the volume of traffic on the site. Especially compared to other "open" forums where pretty much anyone can participate. The name-changing thing is catastrophically bad for integrity.

I have my own thoughts about precisely why MN chooses to operate like this, and I do not believe it's a simple case of being unable to police the site adequately.

I think the only reason this question keeps being asked on here is mn is a predominantly female space and there is an expectation that women should always be meek and kind and gentle and prioritise others at all times.

I am fairly certain that all the spaces filled with men aren't regularly being asked such things and men aren't regularly scolded for not being nice.

So the question isn't so much why are mners 'mean' as it is why are women expected to be all sorts of things that are never expected of men and why are women criticised far more harshly than men ever are.

If the question is why are people on the internet mean then the answer is not everyone is nice and a lot of people who seem nice in rl are only nice because there are consequences in RL that don't exist anonymously so what you see online is the truth and what you see in RL is the lie.

I also think MN has a lot of threads where the OP can't take on board what anyone is saying, even when 99% say YABU. And other posters who attack replies that they disagree with. It doesn't seem to be a place where people can just post their opinions, people are attacked for not agreeing with someone. It's pathetic really. The whole point of AIBU is to get other peoples opinions, not to all just agree for an easier life.

Half the folk on MN seem to earn 6 figures, yet have loads of time to spend on here - so I doubt it's representative of the online world, or the real world for that matter.

Oh god what now

Yes, MN is terrible etc

Are you referring to the vitriol aimed at the disabled mother of three kids? That really upset me.

Lots of the political threads seem to be started or targeted by bots or loons. I think it does seep through to other threads as some of the bored and the lonely feel emboldened by it and try to get a reaction, any reaction. Mn’s not as funny as it used to be.

@TheClawDecides

You can tell literacy levels though. Sentence structure, vocabulary choice and range of punctuation point to a higher than average educational standard.

No my Mumsnet experience is nothing like my Facebook experience or other websites for one Mumsnet has a very high number of wealthy people and not many average (wealth wise) or poor people. Before someone comes at me with "how would you know" well you can just tell by certain threads like all the private school ones.

When it comes to insults and rudeness if you think Mumsnet is bad stay away from most other websites which are way worse. Mumsnet is VERY strict when it comes to what you can say on here.

There are a lot of very intelligent women on here. That's obvious from the articulacy and ability to frame on argument that many posters demonstrate. I think some exaggerate their wealth and job status, as you get people who can barely string a sentence together and can only spout cliché claiming to have these amazing jobs.
However just from what people mention as asides I can tell that most people seem to be better off and me and my circle. The S&B threads leave me feeling distinctly impoverished for example when people suggest £100 dresses for 'every day wear' and think nothing of dropping £80 on a jumper. Same with the property threads where people are casually looking at £450k three bed houses. That would be seriously posh round here.

What are s&b threads? @5128gap
it never occurred to me that people would exaggerate their wealth and status but I guess they would.

Style and beauty. I don't think people on there are exaggerating their wealth, but that their wealth (by comparison to my own!) comes across from the cost of the clothes recommended and discussed.