Are people on mumsnet reflective of the online world?

[Ineverlose]

I used to love Mumsnet and it nearly always made me laugh, cry, giggle, or engage in some way. Over the last couple of years I’m increasingly horrified by it. Some of the comments I read today were so cruel that they stunned me. And this happens all the time. Aibu to think this is reflective of humanity having been on social media for 20 years and this is simple the way the online life is now? (Or has society itself become crueller? )

I've been here 14 years, definitely more cunts and right wing voters than ever before so in that respect yes I think it does reflect the general population.

I think some people are rude on aibu threads, but there will always be plenty of supportive comments too. Away from aibu, if you go on pensions or single parents or gardening threads, everyone is a lot calmer and more helpful.

Society is becoming more selfish and cruel.

YY, and they all have 'Oxbridge' degrees
Presumably can't remember which one it is they went to!

I've been on MN for around 10 years and what I've noticed in that time is that people are still compassionate and empathetic but only if you fit into a certain box. I worry about money but in a different way to those who struggle to pay their bills as I earn more. But I wouldn't dare post about it on MN as I'd get flamed. You can only post about money worries and receive a kind response if you're on NMW. You can only post about school concerns for your DC and receive a kind response if your DC is at state school. And so on. It's become very divided.

Mumsnet has definitely got more nasty over the past 15 years ago. But I don't think it's a reflection of people in real life, necessarily, or at least, it's a combination of things. I think that partly there has been a general shift in attitudes towards poverty/work/illness/disability which shows up here. But I also think that Mumsnet developed a reputation which is attractive to some people who wouldn't have ventured in here when it was just seen as a parenting support site for middle class mums.

I think it's a place serving the anger of many women! But while sometimes this can become a little personal or nasty, mostly it allows us a place to disagree and scream on paper.
Like those places where you can pay to smash old TVs, cars, etc to get your anger out physically, this gives us a place to vent on 'paper'. So many women (as evidenced by many, many threads) suppress their feelings for fear of upsetting someone. They let themselves/theirkids/husband be treated badly at work/school/home, yet say nowt because 'know your place' or 'i am afraid of being alone/upsetting peopke"
So we walk around with a lot of suppressed anger, hurt, frustration. Them someone here asks/suggests 'something' and it bursts the dam
It also shows that this isn't always an echo chamber, shows that not everyone agrees with certain things, and that we can get emotional about stuff. We have the ability to report posts, and IME, MNHQ are pretty quick to deal with them
And why is NC such a bad thing? It's nice to be someonexelse occasionally!

Mumsnet is one of the worst imo, at least on AIBU. On the other message boards there is more empathy but something about AIBU makes posters vicious.

If you compare it to something like AITA on Reddit, people on that board are SO much more empathetic and reasonable. I expect the demographic is different but not sure that explains it; I think there’s something cultural about AIBU that poisons the well and inclines people towards cruelty.

There are also horrific sites elsewhere - Tattle for instance would be enough to make a normal person suicidal. A lot of people who are probably reasonably decent in real life let their worst selves come out online.

Thanks @BeSpoonyAquaHare I’ll check out aita on Reddit

MN changed for the worse when the Pandemic hit.

I totally agree @PandoraSox it all went very weird with what seemed like the whole site advising each other to snitch on everyone else

Way nicer than the twits on twitter

Oh yes indeed, and full of very angry men, though there are several of those here too.

Well it depends on which bits of the fake posts peoplw fall for then live vicariously through them because they want to believe whatever they have decided to believe

We only hear one side of the genuine posts but people fall for it

There are some decent people I think though which is why I stay

The two main differences in my opinion are that people write more articulately and are more left wing. On other sites the standard of writing is so poor that I can’t understand the points being made. On other sites it doesn’t take long for people to start commenting about boats and immigration and how lovely everything used to be. I think that on here people are better at respectfully disagreeing than in other places.

God I really hope not, most seem like a miserable, introverted bunch. It has really put me off ever wanting to visit England again, that's for sure!

I disagree. People are quite capable of having good literacy levels without going to uni or being privately educated.

I can't help but agree with you, and yes, England is the last place I feel inclined to visit.

I find mumsnet is often the exact opposite to what I encounter in real life. I find some of the debates entertaining but i certainly don’t find it representative of real world opinions and I don’t consider it to be a moral bellwether of anything. At least not in my neck of the woods.

Well, no. It's just a useful shorthand when the notion of an Oxbridge degree is more relevant than which one someone actually attended. Same as RG for Russell Group. I didn't attend Oxbridge FWIW.

On the broader topic, I think there are a lot of very intelligent women on here. Some of them are high earners (and I don't think are exaggerating it) and some not at all. But I agree with pp that the quality of discussion and insights that many posters bring is reliable evidence of the levels of intellect and broader wisdom that MNers bring to the party. I really welcome some of the advice I have had on here that gives me a different perspective from what I might have had in real life alone. I also value it as a forum for women, even though I don't have kids.

I do agree though that the online world / post covid world is a more selfish one that it used to be. I hope that we might be seeing a reversal in this now that it is some time since Covid ended. I don't know how tracks on MN exactly but it's definitely noticeable at large.

I should hope not. In the real world women are far more supportive of each other and patient.

I do wish MNHQ would disable the name changing feature as that is the main reason for why it’s so easy to bully others.

It’s also full of lies and trolls. I truly believe no one is honest here, or it’s a minority.

I think it depends on which board.

The level of hatred and stupidity on AIBU is simultaneously chilling and hilarious.

Other parts are more rational.

Can I just point out that the subject line and text of the OP ask whether MN is representative of the ONLINE world, yet about 50% of people responding have answered the question “Is MN representative of the REAL world?”

Still, that probably is still slightly better than the levels of reading comprehension in the larger online world!

I have never found any site with remotely the same levels of articulacy and traffic and I enjoy that the majority of posters are female.

People on here can be awful but, to me, the rest of the online world (at least when it comes to chat forums) is comparatively vapid.

There is lots of virtue signalling shoehorned into threads, things like giving to the foodbank often mentioned even if it's nothing to do with the thread