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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to return by 6wo baby to the stork for a full refund?

80 replies

derah · 16/04/2008 20:11

Disclaimer: Can I just start by saying that I'd really appreciate not getting any "be happy you have a healthy baby and stop being so ungrateful" posts in response to this, cos I don't think it would be very helpful and I already know I'm being ungrateful and selfish?

I'm at the end of my tether, really. My 6wo baby just won't stop crying unless she's in a sling or being held and jiggled. She won't even go down in her moses basket during the day (though thankfully does at night), so she's in my arms or strapped to my front all day, which is killing my back. It's also very unfair on my 2.6yo DD1, who gets very little time with me since I'm jiggling the darned baby all day.

I've tried putting her in a swing chair, a vibrating chair, under a baby gym, in her moses basket with b/w pictures to look at etc etc. But she just starts howing within 5 minutes max. If she's awake, she's crying. I'm bf-ing her but she comes off the breast crying. I thought she might be hungry so I've tried topping her up with a bottle, but she's not really interested. Some of the time it's colic, but most of the time she's just crying for no obvious reason.

On Friday we've got an appointment with a cranial osteopath, which I'm praying will help. But in the mean time, I thought I'd a) have a rant and b) see if you wise MNers had any advice. Because instead of bonding with my new baby and thinking she's lovely, she's driving me nuts and driving a huge wedge between me and DD1, so no-one is happy.

More than once I've found myself wishing I'd never had her.

Why doesn't MN have a New Baby Advice section, btw? I couldn't really find an appropriate place to post this except within my post-natal group and they all have enough worries of their own!

OP posts:

VivalaDiva · 16/04/2008 20:12

I was going to suggest a cranial osteopath - hope it helps. I saw one for my son for a different reason and it was amazing.

emkana · 16/04/2008 20:15

What kind of sling do you use? It might help to get one which is easier on your back, and there are big differences in how comfortable they are.

nappymadmummy · 16/04/2008 20:17

The first few months are the hardest cos you don't get a lot back from them. I don't know what to suggest about the crying and stuff but you shouldn't feel bad about it getting to you. Colic can be dreadful for people to cope with. I had colic as a baby and my mum wouldn't have managed if it wasn't for friends going round to help her out to give her a break from it.

FloridaKbear · 16/04/2008 20:17

I swear by cranial osteopathy (but no experience with babies - my son was 4.5 when he started having treatment).

How long do you leave her to cry? I'm not advocating leaving a young baby to scream for ages but some babies cry to settle themselves. My DS did, he mithered (as I called it) cried and wriggled and if I left him alone (as I had to sometimes to deal with my older child), when I looked round he'd be asleep.

Sympathies galore by the way, it's exhausting isn't it.

Alambil · 16/04/2008 20:18

did you have a "normal" birth? (IE no forceps/venthouse?)

I'm just wondering because apparently I was the same as a baby but it was an angry cry, not hungry/tired type... turns out my head is all wonky because I had a horrendous birth - forceps and all sorts (should have been a c-sec but mum's doc wanted to be a hero ) and mum thinks looking back, it was the movement of my head plates going back to normal

They didn't have cranial osteopathy back then .... I hope she gets better after some sessions (I've heard it can be miraculous for some)

Is there anyone who can take her for a day whilst you spend time with your other DC?

emma1977 · 16/04/2008 20:18

I felt exactly like this when ds was 6w old.

He's now 17w and a different child, although sill has his moments.

I found it started to get a lot better at 9wish.

PinkTulips · 16/04/2008 20:18

first of all..... {{{{a huge big hug}}}} and a lovely virtual cup of tea

you'll get no judgement from me sweetie, my dd was just like this and unfortunately it lasted a while, she cried for most of her first year

one thing i learned to do very early on though was this; when it gets too much and you really feel you're going to lose it, put her down in her cot all nice and safe and leave the room for a few minutes. no harm will come to her, she's crying anyway, and you'd be surprised how much of a differance 5 minutes away will make to your aility to cope with her.

good luck and endless sympathy

Cathpot · 16/04/2008 20:19

hi, just got off a post where my mouth was hanging open at people being incredibly self righteous and slagging the Op for being honest, so I felt the need to say something nice to you in case the 'all children are lovely all the time' police arrive. Constant crying is an absolute torture for everyone and 6 weeks is probably a low point with a new baby even without the crying as the tiredness really sets in. Very tricky with the dd1, again even without a baby that wont be put down, managing to give her time would be hard. In your situation must be impossible. I have no direct experience of constant crying in babies, only through friends, but I suppose I would say; rope in as much help as possible for jiggling duty, explore every avenue about the cause of the crying, and hang in there, it does stop, it wont go on for ever. One day you will wake up and it will be like the sun has come out, and she will be content and you will have survived it. Hope people come on with more pracical solutions.

FloridaKbear · 16/04/2008 20:20

pinktulips - good advice. Sometimes it does get too much so going out in the garden for some deep breathing whilst watching them cry through the double glazing can be therapeutic!

WinkyWinkola · 16/04/2008 20:21

Aw no, Derah. It sounds so hard on you and DD1.

How is she at night?

And in her buggy - moving about? If she nods off happily in that, you could take DD1 to the park and spend quality time with her whilst DD2 snoozes in the buggy?

Tried a sling? She'll always be there when you're with DD1 but at least she may stop crying.

Sounds naff but she could be one of those babies who just wants their mum and to know their mum is always about.

It will get better but meanwhile you have total sympathy. It's so hard!

barbamama · 16/04/2008 20:21

My first was a bit like this as he got badly stuck and battered on the way out so wouldn't lie down on his back as the back of his head was really sore. The cranial osteopathy really helped. Als,o at about 6/7 weeks anyway they tend to get a bit easier as a bit more alert so can be distracted by mirrors, lights etc. Have you tried laying her on her side rather than on her back? I know it is against guidelines but they sometimes prefer it and it might give you a break with careful monitoring - eg downstairs with you etc (we had a breathing monitor). Hang in there, you are almost over the worst.

BEAUTlFUL · 16/04/2008 20:21

Is she a windy baby? I'm always posting this on here, but my baby was a full-on wailer until I gave him a surprisingly successful tummy massage and released loads of wind (from him!).
Try it whenever -- round and round, clockwise, around their belly button. If they almost immediately start farting, you know you've found the answer.

Oh, and Dentrinox colic drops. Brill.

Cathpot · 16/04/2008 20:22

Just posted and got back to the thread to find lots of lovely supportive people are out there helping you, oh thank god I feel like Ive crossed some mumsnet swamp of nastiness and am out the other side...

youngbutnotdumb · 16/04/2008 20:22

I sympathise with you so much I went through that with my DS. He wouldn't stop crying for a minute although he was FF. Do you have someone who could perhaps take her for a few hours a week even just so you cold have some time to yourself or time with your other daughter? I'm trying to think of something that would maybe help I'll gt back to you...

chipmonkey · 16/04/2008 20:22

Could she have reflux? Because if she had, lying down would be very sore on her tummy, a bit like adult heartburn. Might be worth investigating?

FloridaKbear · 16/04/2008 20:24

also maybe try massage, with some oil after a bath, soothing and calming strokes might release the wind if there is any and generally relax her and you and you can involve your older child too, get her to help you stroke her and sing to her while you're doing it.

ABANDON housework, ask for some help if there is anyone, concentrate on your children for now, make easy dinners, go easy on yourself and you might relax so she might sense it and stop crying.

I wish I could come round and help jiggle her for you!!

LynetteScavo · 16/04/2008 20:26

Glad to hear you are going to see a cranial osteopath, I would have sugested it..... our osteopath has worked miricles on my DC's .

The important thing is that you don't become ill because of this... whether that be a bad back or PND.

Untill Friday, try swaddling and dummy, and sleep as much as you can at night.

hecate · 16/04/2008 20:26

It's no comfort to you at this point, but we all feel this way at first. It will get better...I bet your other child cried lots but you've probably forgotten most of it, you do! (It's natures way of getting us to go back for more!) You're doing something good and positive by going to see if cranial osteopathy will help.

But it is knackering with 2 - and with an older child you can't rest as much. Sympathies. Is there anyone to help you? You need more sleep. Anyone to take the baby for an hour so you can focus on your other child? even just in another room?

And you do need to train the baby to go down. Yes, she'll cry and yes, that's hard to listen to, but persevere and it'll free you. Have you tried swaddling her? I found mine were happier tied up really really tight. squirting your breastmilk onto her blanket so it smells like you? It's her natural instinct to want to be attached to you 24/7, but you can help her to feel safe when she's down.

When I felt overwhelmed, I used to put them in the cot, go downstairs, make myself a coffee and have 5 minutes. crying for 5 minutes doesn't hurt them, but you NEED it.

And could it be possible you have a touch of PND? Have you spoken to HV?

EyeballsintheSky · 16/04/2008 20:29

Oh I sympathise so much. DD is 14 weeks and still a bit of a nightmare. She frequently has nights where she refuses point blank to sleep anywhere but on my chest. I am paranoid about rolling onto her so it means I have to stay awake and then I get cramp from being in the same position so I often end up screaming and sobbing at 2am. She is also a velcro baby and refuses to be put down. I also have a sling which, although comfortable, is still restricting and often I don't get a shower/hot drink/breakfast at all some days.

No advice unfortunately but big hugs. I know all too well how horrible it is.

barnstaple · 16/04/2008 20:29

Oh you poor thing. I wanted an off switch too. No advice, just lots of sympathy. (They do get better, but it feels like forever.)

SpecialOffer · 16/04/2008 20:30

I was also thinking silent reflux, as that is what my son had. I remember being in tears as nothing helped him. Well apart from his very expensive swing, which kept him calm for 5 minutes. I used to put him in the cot all safe and walk away for a few minutes. It did help.....

charliemama · 16/04/2008 20:40

I haven't really got much advice to add, but I wanted to give some support. DS2 is 9.5 months now and I feel like we have just come out of a long, dark tunnel. He cried for months. I tried most treatments going, but Tbh time in our case was the great healer. Now he can move about and interact with world he is a much easier baby. But I remember the early months well and I know how incredibly hard it is. Try not to feel guilty about things (I'm not suggesting you do, but I managed to work myself up about how I was affecting my other DCs). This time will end and your other DC will not be adversily affected by having had a clingy baby in the house. I hope the Co helps some. It helped with my DD (colic) but I am afraid it didn't really help with DS2. My thoughts are with you. You will get through this, I promise.

PinkTulips · 16/04/2008 20:42

god yes, should have mentioned that.

bad reflux was what was causing at least some of my dd's crying.

if she spits up a lot then it's a definite possibility but even if she doesn't there's something called silent reflux that can be very painful for them but with hardly any symptoms.

does she seem calmer if she's propped upright a bit?

if so try putting a few books under the head end of the cot to raise it a little and it might improve things

in my dd's case the only way i could sleep at night was to have her in my bed (she was very cliny too and never took to the cot) lying on one pillow which was half on another pillow to tilt it.

obviously i didn't get much sleep for fear of suffocating her but it was about the only time she slept, lol!

Nicecupofwine · 16/04/2008 20:42

Derah, I so feel for you. I had exactly the same thing with dd2. With hindsight I would have had her checked out a lot sooner than I did. It was presumed silent reflux but it coincided with 17 weeks and going onto solids... yes it went on that long and I thought I was going to go mad. We did cranial osteopathy. I really don't think it worked - but it was great someone else holding her for half an hour! I used bottle as well as breast but this also did not work. I did end up with mild PND so please get some help now.

Nicecupofwine · 16/04/2008 20:44

just thought I'd add that dd2 is fabulous now. She was on three types of medicine when reflux was diagnosed so you should really seek GP advice and don't get fobbed off with "babies cry".

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