to want to return by 6wo baby to the stork for a full refund?

[derah]

Disclaimer: Can I just start by saying that I'd really appreciate not getting any "be happy you have a healthy baby and stop being so ungrateful" posts in response to this, cos I don't think it would be very helpful and I already know I'm being ungrateful and selfish?

I'm at the end of my tether, really. My 6wo baby just won't stop crying unless she's in a sling or being held and jiggled. She won't even go down in her moses basket during the day (though thankfully does at night), so she's in my arms or strapped to my front all day, which is killing my back. It's also very unfair on my 2.6yo DD1, who gets very little time with me since I'm jiggling the darned baby all day.

I've tried putting her in a swing chair, a vibrating chair, under a baby gym, in her moses basket with b/w pictures to look at etc etc. But she just starts howing within 5 minutes max. If she's awake, she's crying. I'm bf-ing her but she comes off the breast crying. I thought she might be hungry so I've tried topping her up with a bottle, but she's not really interested. Some of the time it's colic, but most of the time she's just crying for no obvious reason.

On Friday we've got an appointment with a cranial osteopath, which I'm praying will help. But in the mean time, I thought I'd a) have a rant and b) see if you wise MNers had any advice. Because instead of bonding with my new baby and thinking she's lovely, she's driving me nuts and driving a huge wedge between me and DD1, so no-one is happy.

More than once I've found myself wishing I'd never had her.

Why doesn't MN have a New Baby Advice section, btw? I couldn't really find an appropriate place to post this except within my post-natal group and they all have enough worries of their own!

Message withdrawn

My dd 33 weeeks was a bloody pain in the arse, screaming non stop 24/7 unless she was feeding. Do you know she turned into an angel the very second after she gor her 1st set of jabs!!!! I think they just scared the crap out of her and she thought " sod this ill behave then, just dont jab me again" She has been the most lovely, chatty smiley cuddly little monkey since

Barnstaple... so it wasn't only me who wished for an off switch? I swear I even looked for it on DS!

Sounds hard. Lots of good advice above but sound like you need a decent sling if having her strapped on is hurting your back. It shouldn't hurt at six weeks, however long she's strapped on for.

A stretchy wrap such as a hugabub, moby, or kari-me would probably do the job. You can get these second hand at this yahoo group [email protected]

Can you get out and walk at all? Or not possible to go fast enough with older child?

Swaddling worked a charm for me. DD would not settle unless swaddled and dressed warmly.

Just wanted to say I dont have my own children yet (i'm trying very hard! ) but have every sympathy. I have looked after young babies for long periods of time and constant crying is never easy.

Together with the hormones your body is producing at a rate of knots it must be a nightmare!
Just wanted you to know there is someone who wishes you all the best, and has no rose tinted glasses about all aspects of motherhood!

hi derah - I can't believe your DD2 is 6 weeks old already sorry to hear you are having a rough time, I don't really have much to add some excellent suggestions already here. I do remember that DD2 loved being in her swing thing again on the high setting rather than gentle, knowing DD2 now I can see why. If she was well fed, winded, changed sometimes I would have to put her down and let her whinge for a bit, I think you have to with an older child around. I have to admit the first 6 months were hard, the next 6 a bit better but once DD2 was mobile and able to chase DD1 around it got a lot easier (what am I saying I'm having another one in a few months). The first year flies past you know that yourself. It doesn't seem like it when you are in the new baby fog.

Anyway hope the osteopath helps and in the meantime rant away.

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time. It's certainly not easy when you have a toddler who won't understand why you're not able to spend time with her, etc.

My first baby (daughter) would cry for about 3 hours every night, in spite of being held, sung to, walked up & down stairs, you name it - we did everything!! Nothing would work until she finally got too exhausted to do anything but fall asleep (around 12:30 to 2:30am). It was very difficult. I never knew babies could be like that, where absolutely nothing would soothe. However, I was overjoyed when she overcame it at around 8-9 weeks of age, so just hoping maybe your little one will calm down soon! The early weeks aren't easy, especially when you've not yet been able to recover energy or get used to a new baby in the house...but just try to relax and know it won't last forever.

((hugs))

Forgot to say that my ds also suffers from awful silent reflux and improved a lot once treatment started at 8w.

I think they also improve once they are a bit more mature and distractable.

My DD was a complete nightmare at 6 weeks. She wanted constant feeding and constant attention and wouldn't sleep.
She's now a sweet and contented (if lively!) toddler and the whole family is gobsmacked at the change in her.
It does get easier.

I took my dd to a cranial osteopath when she was 3 weeks old. She had 4 sessions in the end and i think it helped loads. Of coarse i will never know if it was the treatment or whether she just settled on her own but my dd was a fantastic baby after. So i would really recommend the cranial osteopath

For colic i recomend colief. It's amazing. It is £10 for a tiny bottle but it was far more affective than the cheaper brands such as Infocol. Sometimes it's worth paying the extra money.

My friends baby was an unsettled one and she once cried non stop for four days. I know it's not what you want to hear but this this won't be forever and she will settle down in time. My friends baby is now 18mths old and is a happy child. I am just trying to give you hope, even if it does feel like there no way out at the moment.

Hi, hope the cranial oestopathy helps. It definitely helped my ds who was very colicky. Also started a bedtime routine early on, we had a candlelit bath with a few drops of lavender, baby massage, soft music, breastfed in the bedroom with soft lighting. Also did out source as much as can, luckily we had family close by. I came across this website last night and thought I may volunteer. www.cry-sis.org.uk It will get easier. Good luck.

Big sympathy from me. ds was a nightmare at this age. Just horrid - I would have happily sent him back and remember one night collapsing into a pile of dirty laundry and howling to dh that I just didn't want him anymore. And it is so hard when you've got older ones, too - I so remember that feeling of guilt, that he was taking all my emotional energy and leaving no time for anyone else.

But at around 9 weeks it was as if a switch flicked in his brain and he cheered right up, and has been a delightful and jolly little soul ever since. I don't know what it was - he was a few weeks early, so perhaps it was just that he wasn't ready to be born. He certainly didn't seem to enjoy being alive! Cranial osteopathy helped a bit, as did being in the sling, but really I think it was just the passage of time.

Good luck!

you poor thing. Of course you are allowed to feel you want a refund ( I think we all do sometimes, only some are brave enough to own up)

Here's my suggestions: swaddling and lots of winding (I wasn't doing nearly enough winding I discovered up till about 8 weeks. I then got in the habit more and he'd do the tiniest little burp and then settle more...)

The Hoover. We worship the hoover (and sometimes the washing machine) We discovered the power of white noise with DS1 and to save the hoover from burning out, we ended up recording it! You can now buy nice CDs but you could also just hoover the floor next to her bed...

Do some thinking about BF and whether it's working well: do you have oversupply issues maybe which make it difficult for her to suck for comfort? Would a dummy help? or single sided feeding? Or is there another BF issue you could discuss with a BFC...?

Hope you get some respite soon..

I too was going to suggest cranial osteopathy..
great reports from friends who have used it in your circumstances..

Thank you everyone for your support and advice. I think I've tried just about everything you've suggested except getting her checked out for reflux. If the cranial osteopathy doesn't seem to help, and she isn't any better by next Wed, I'll ask our GP about it since we're going in anyway for our 6 weeks (though it will be 7 weeks) check-up.

Luckily DH is wonderful and takes her for as long as he can when he's home in the evening.

I don't think I've got PND developing or anything, and I know it will get better. It's just incredibly frustrating in the mean time. I didn't really enjoy DD1 as a newborn either - I'm just not a baby person!! But it seems wrong to wish their tiny lives away and just want them to be older!

Mostly I just needed to rant and get a bit of sympathy. And I've had loads here, so thanks to all of you! It does help to know you're not alone.

Right, my dd was like this, except that she wouldn't sleep at night either.

She turned out to be milk intolerant. Miserableness is a common symptom of this, and it often goes undiagnosed because people put it down to colic.

Try giving up eating all dairy, and lay off the formula, as that comes from cows' milk. Will take up to 2 weeks to make a difference, as it leaves the system slowly. A bit of a hassle, but so worth it if it is this, and if it is, it won't get better any other way.

Sympathy from here as well...ds was like this and turned out to have reflux and milk intolerance. A few weeks on meds and he was a different baby!

I feel your pain/frustration/anger/despair etc etc

Both mine were like this, cried virtually non-stop daily, even in the pram/car where most "usual" babies sleep well.

Cranial osteopath helped, I think, with DD, but made no difference with DS (2.9yr age gap). I had to carry them round in slings virtually all day long (had a very good sling tho')

I think some of it was down to just not being able to switch off when they were over-tired. They literally couldn't go more than 1-1.5hrs without sleep, then within 5mins would get so wound up they couldn't then settle. Then vicious circle...

Sounds like weeks away at your stage, but at 4mths something clicked overnight and they turned into calm happy chilled babies. I really think they weren't meant to have been born before then At least with DS I knew I had to just ride it out, but it was still a bloody nightmare.

I have this theory that everyone has it hard at some stage, and at least with babies like this you get it over & done with early, whereas all those mums who used to brag that their babies were sleeping through at 5wks/were easy to look after etc suddenly found themselves with nightmare babies at 8mths or whatever.

Hope the CO helps for you and the next few weeks just whizz by in a blur.

It's terribly wearing isn't it?

I would wonder if she is overtired, if she's not sleeping much in the day and you are constantly jiggling her. She may be overstimulated.

Maybe try swaddling her up, sitting in a dark warm room and just holding her fairly tightly - no jiggling, no movement, just keep her really upright and snug. Stroke her head or rub her back in firm circular motions if she is very unsettled.

Then when she drops off, lay her down in a warmed crib/moses basket (put a hot water bottle in the crib first but take it out just before you put her in it.)

Hope things improve for you.

Sidge - the warmed moses basket is a good idea. Quite often she's asleep in our arms/sling, but wakes but when we move her to the basket. I figured it was probably cos it's cold, and we've tried putting the blanket over her for a few minutes before the transfer to warm the blanket up, but never thought of warming the whole bed! Duh!

is there no family or close friends near you who would take baby for a walk and let you and dc1 get some quality time?

and i dont know if i dare say this on here but have you thought about using a dummy? it might help in the short term

Oh Derah - if I could have given ds2 back at the same age, I would - without a moment's hesitation.

The first 3 months are a living hell, especially with the second one I think because the first one feels so out of it and you're so torn and feel so guilty all the time.

Definitely try a dummy and get any help you can from willing friends/family to come and help.

My Mum (although you'll find me moaning on many other threads about her - selfish child that I am) was a godsend when ds1 was a newborn as she'd come round at 6pm most teatimes and take him in the pram for a walk around the block so that dp and I could have tea with ds1. Just 10 - 15 minutes but it was wonderful.

I don't 'know' you, but if you haven't got local family and you can afford it, how about advertising for help in the afternoons/evenings? that's usually the worst time and someone coming in for a couple of hours a few days a week might help.

Sometimes you just have to leave them to cry for a few minutes while you finish that coffee/story to dd1/whatever. It doesn't make you the worst Mum in the world - it's the reality of having a second/subsequent child.

Hope things start to ease soon and the cranial osteopath appt goes well.

I'm chucking in my sympathy too. My ds is now 8, and he was like that. There are huge chunks I have forgotten, but I will never forget THAT and how awful I felt alot of the time (he was my first as well, so no second child to contend with)