To just have an effing rant.

[CyanSnake]

i just seriously need to rant before I explode.

My partner died a little over a year ago and I decided I needed a break from the well paid, but very stressful career I was in.

I’ve moved to a related industry and I’m just miserable. I’m paid £32k (much less than I was)

for that I sit on the firms board of directors (but I don’t have a director title), I line manage an entire department and I project manage at present about 4/5 big product projects.

We are not allowed flexible working or hybrid - it “isn’t something the company does” (Unless you’re a member of the family that owns it of course, then you have unlimited early finishes and work from
home as needed)

Since starting this job, I’ve needed to find the money to replace my car as the old one broken down completely, the new one now has a warning light and the my boiler has died and will need replacing. Currently living with no heating or hot water as I simply have no funds. My bank balance is 78p for the next two weeks. The money I’m paying out in the loan for the new car and repairs swallows up basically all my disposable income

I have cancelled my holiday - lost the deposit but couldn’t afford to go on it.

i no longer get a weekly shop delivered. We live off pot noodles and bread, as I am the only one bringing money in.

ex-partner had a lot of debts I have to pay off and I just can’t manage anymore.

all this while my boss (I’m the only one actually qualified to deliver the service the company offers btw… my boss just has the money) has her third sunny foreign holiday and the middle class new kid on the desk opposite moans about having to use of some of the house deposit money to buy tickets for his two weeks across the world (also his third holiday!!)

I grew up quite poor, worked really hard, went to uni, have a masters, saved for the house deposit without any help, I work and work and work and all I have for it is the most basic survival - it’s not a life.

What is point?

thanks for listening.

I think you're entitled to a rant

But I think a new job sounds a good idea, you're qualified to earn more and that would help.

Is it time to start looking for another job?

There's alot of shitty stuff going on and if the key factor is money and earning more would reduce the pressure - then moving jobs would be an option, as would taking on a second job but that has tax issues and you'll be knackered.

Or can you downsize your property?

Definitely time to look for a new job.

I can’t downsize as I in my low state, I’ve let DIY and maintenance jobs wrack up and the house isn’t in a state to sell.

Im desperately searching for a job back what I used to do, but worried I’ve knackered myself taking the break.

Surely you're not liable for your partner's debt? Why don't you negotiate a pay rise? Plus look for better paid work? You say we, who else are you supporting? Things don't have to stay as they are.

Can I gently suggest separating out the issues?
How did you end up paying for the debts? Were you married?

Being the only one qualified to do the role and the family of the boss etc are nothing to do with you. Either accept that is the way the company operates or look for something else? There must be a middle ground between the high stress high paid job you had originally and this one.

Thirdly, look at ways to make extra money or reduce outgoings. I know that sounds easy but I’ve made a bit of cash selling things second hand and also I’ve cut back on spending. It has made a difference.

I also downsized my career. The trade off for a lower salary is less responsibility, less stress and ultimately an easier life.

In your situation, you’ve traded work stress for financial stress while also retaining a lot of the pressures of higher paid roles.

You might want to start seeing what else is out there.

I’d advise you speak to an organisation like Christians Against Poverty, or a legal advice charity about your former partner’s debt: you aren’t responsible for paying them back if his estate didn’t have enough money in it to repay them, even if debt collectors are trying to insist otherwise.

How long have you owned your new car and where did you buy it from? If from a trader you may have some recourse for any faults in the months after sale.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, I have been in your shoes and its a lonely cold dark place at times.

Can I ask why are you paying your ex partners debts off ? unless they were joint debts you shouldn't be paying for them (hopefully that would free up some money).

Do you qualify for any benefits or grants to help with the food situation or even the DIY.

Food banks can be used for people in work. Have you spoke with anyone as to how you are managing money wise or even health wise ?

There is help out there if you want to ask for it.

Sorry you’re going through all this us sounds horrible.

I would speak to someone about the debt, I’m not sure you should be responsible for paying that off? Speak to Step Change, they’ll be able to give you proper advice - details here; www.stepchange.org

I don’t understand your salary- you seem to have a job that would warrant triple what you get?

This sounds like a really stressful time for you OP.

As other posters have said please speak to someone and get advice about the debt, you may not be liable for it.

Also how would they run the company if you left? Do you have any leeway to negotiate better pay and terms as effectively they wouldn’t be able to trade without a qualified person?

Tel12 · Today 15:57

Surely you're not liable for your partner's debt?

That's my thought, too. I'm glad some knowledgeable posters have linked to helpful organisations.

This is low pay for a job which has managment responsibilities and requires a professional qualification. It sounds like a small business and they tend not to pay well.

I also suggest getting a better job; you have done this before so you can do it again.

Also, if you haven’t already, look into Bereavement Support Payments: https://www.gov.uk/bereavement-support-payment/eligibility

Eligibility changed last year to include couples who were cohabiting as well as married, and providing your former partner had been working and making NI contributions, you may qualify.

Here’s another useful link about the debt situation, please give them a call and see what help they can give you.

nationaldebtline.org/get-information/guides/debts-after-death-ew/#:~:text=are%20unaware%20of.-,What%20happens%20to%20debts%20when%20someone%20dies%3F,be%20liable%20for%20these%20debts.

Thank you, I will contact some of the places recommended.

There’s no scope for a pay rise, I’ve dropped hints but been warned the boss doesn’t like being asked about stuff like that.

im so desperate, I’m searching all the time for another job. I’d do anything at the moment - I’m working through lunch partly because of the high workload but also because I can’t afford to eat more than once a day.

Realy feel like I need time off as not in a good place mentally at all, I have depression and anxiety and im on medication but there is no sick pay here and can’t afford to drop to SSP, won’t be approved for AL at the moment due to big projects and can’t work from because flexible working just isn’t something the company does - the boss seems to hate the idea.

I would contact the National Debtline and speak to them about the debts.

You can go to a foodbank for emergency supplies and see if the council have a hardship fund.

Take a look at your utilities and see if you can find cheaper elsewhere. If you can, get a PAYG SIM and cancel streaming packages if you have any.

Turn2us can tell you about any benefits or grants you could get regarding the boiler.

Citizens Advice Consumer Service can give you advice about the new car

Obviously look for another job.

I’ve always it nearly everything I can.

i know it’s not right and I am being super unreasonable to think this way but part of me feels like I’m a professional with a masters who’s worked hard all my life, why should I have to cancel my one streaming service (I already have.), why am I eating once a day and having to count every single penny?

what’s the fickibg point? I feel so low.

Don’t work through your lunch (whether or not you are eating). Don’t work late. If stuff doesn’t get done, well, your boss can hire some help or pay you enough to make it worth your while. It doesn’t sound like they could hire a replacement for you on the same money, so you are the one with the power here, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

I’m so sorry you are having such a tough time right now. Please make time to look after your wellbeing. Stress, hard work and not eating properly are a recipe for speedy burnout - reclaim some rest and relaxation time and don’t forget your worth when dealing with your boss. They are very lucky to have you!!

I’m looking for another job but struggling because I’m only qualified in this field, but my contract has a non-compete cause that says I can’t work for a competitor in any capacity.

My boss has suggested they hire help… they won’t someone with “high level experience” similar to mine

they want to offer £26k…

It can’t be legal to make you commit never to work for a competitor!! Sure, not at the same time as the current job, and there can be a gardening leave requirement… but never?? That would be insane!
I would post that one in legal…

When you say 'we' does that mean you have kids ? if so are you getting bereavement support payments ?

It’s says I cannot work for a competitor for one year after o leave employment in any capacity