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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aunt won't refund money

180 replies

Casals07 · 19/08/2024 14:08

Aunt has a home abroad that myself, DH and kids go to every year. We go in August as it's too hot for Aunt to go. I pay to stay there and always take care of the place and top everything up before I leave. The house is now 20 years old and is definitely showing signs of wear and tear. Nothing has been replaced. This year I arrived to find black mould in the bedrooms, job had been started but won't be finished until November. My Aunt never informed me of this. My DD has now got pneumonia and we have had to move out at a considerable expense. My Aunt has refused to return any of my text messages. My DH rang her and asked for the money back we paid as the house is not habitable. She has point blank refused.

Aunt won't refund money
Aunt won't refund money
OP posts:
mummytrex · 19/08/2024 17:37

If you live in the uk, on your building insurance do you have legal expenses cover? If so, you might be able to pursue her in small claims court for a refund/losses etc.

Sounds awful. Hope your little one gets better soon.

Qanat53 · 19/08/2024 17:40

I would have washed it with bleach, opened the windows.
There is every chance she thought it would have been fixed for your arrival.

Not thinking it’s a big deal, she doesn’t owe you updating her house, esp if it’s not in her financial plan.

stayathomer · 19/08/2024 17:41

blueshoes

if she was rich would she not throw the money at her niece? Or would she not have just let her stay for much cheaper in the first place? Not defending just saying I wouldn’t cause a huge family thing over it

Maddy70 · 19/08/2024 17:45

Just wipe it with a bleach solution easily solved

TwinklyAmberOrca · 19/08/2024 17:45

Casals07 · 19/08/2024 15:31

Thanks everyone. So to answer a few questions. Aunt knew how bad the situation is as she was there two weeks before I arrived. I initially flew over with my DD and my DH followed me with our DS. I stayed in the house for one week until DH arrived. There was no accommodation available locally and due to a health condition I'm unable to drive at the moment. When DH arrived we immediately looked for accommodation. We had already decided to move before DD became unwell. I text my Aunt three times regarding the state of the house and the fact my DD was in hospital. She didn't reply. She has form for being a bully and to be honest I was so hurt and upset that she didn't reply that I didn't want to engage with her anymore. She is my Dad's sister, my Dad died many years ago and my mother is not part of my life. I didn't fly home because the Doctors advised us that the climate here would help DD instead of going home to a rainy,damp country. I have told some family members whsts going on and they are disgusted with her.

If she is refusing to refund, then I'd send a more formal "Letter Before Action" and give her 14 days to refund £XXX due to the accommodation being unsuitable and not fit for human habitation.

If someone is just painting over the damp then that's just ridiculous! It needs treating not covering up!

theduchessofspork · 19/08/2024 18:05

I guess you’d have to take her to the small claims court if you can’t resolve it. Double check the link between mould and pneumonia before you add that in - haven’t heard that one before. It sounds gross though, I’m not sure I’d bother trying to get the cash back, as it’ll be a long road, but I can see why you’re pissed off.

PuggyPuggyPuggy · 19/08/2024 18:09

Christ, all that mould around the sockets, surely that's an electrical fire waiting to happen? Not even taking money off random strangers she doesn't care about, this is her family that she's renting her squalid hell hole to 😬

blueshoes · 19/08/2024 18:21

stayathomer · 19/08/2024 17:41

blueshoes

if she was rich would she not throw the money at her niece? Or would she not have just let her stay for much cheaper in the first place? Not defending just saying I wouldn’t cause a huge family thing over it

You clearly have not met CFs who will walk all over people like you who don't want to make a fuss. Hopefully OP has more of a backbone.

LaurieFairyCake · 19/08/2024 18:29

Well the hospital said she got it from the mould so your alternative here is to tell EVERYONE in the family about this

Shaming this fucker may be the only option

NancyBellaDonna · 19/08/2024 18:48

That is a very bad mould problem and well beyond spraying with a bit of bleach and opening the windows.

Black moulds can cause serious illness, especially in children and people with weakened immune systems or those who have asthma, COPD.

Like PP said try the legal department of your household insurance.

What a horrid awful aunt. Hope DD gets better soon.

Paisleyb · 19/08/2024 18:55

Is there a local health/safety department?
Report her.
Ask the hospital to verified your daughters illness.
Make things as sticky as possible for her and never have anything to do with her again.
I hope your daughter recovers soon.
Pneumonia is a horrible dose.

DreamTheMoors · 19/08/2024 19:02

Casals07 · 19/08/2024 14:22

I texted her a week ago and DH rang yesterday after we moved out. He asked her to refund for the nights we are not staying. Not asking for all our money back or money for the new place. My Aunt is extremely well of and can afford to get it fixed. She was in the house 2 weeks before I arrived and the work was apparently started in June so she knew.

She’s extremely well off because she stiffs friends and relatives like you..

Rich people are the tightest people.

Kisskiss · 19/08/2024 19:05

Chubbyjo · 19/08/2024 17:09

I agree the way the op has presented it it is perfectly reasonable. But people always write things to look perfectly reasonable . Otherwise why bother.

the key things are

the child is sadly must be suffering from a signficant health condition. It is not humanly possible to contract pneumonia in such a short period of time otherwise, as such, does the aunt know this. And why didn’t the op leave immediately if her child is so compromised.

secondly is op Really paying as much as she’s saying.which is pretty much market rates, or is it just a fee for maintainenace and utilities.

why did the op stay when her child developed pneumonia so quickly. Not being able to drive and no local accommodation isn’t an excuse, nor is why should we it’s out summer holidays.

if you’d an immune suppressed child would you stay?

Show quote history

Some aibus actually do look very unreasonable 😂
even if the damp didn’t cause the pneumonia, I don’t think an apartment with that amount of damp is fit for renting out to anybody!!!
if it was really very little money then why can’t she return it..

Normallynumb · 19/08/2024 19:05

I've no idea why people are arguing about pneumonia
Op has confirmation from the hospital!

Noirdesir · 19/08/2024 19:09

She’s extremely well off because she stiffs friends and relatives like you

Exactly. The reason she's "rich" is because she's tight and wont fix dangerous things in her house yet still expects people to pay.

You can absolutely get lung issues from mould if you have asthma or allergies to mould.

Not to mention as a PP said, it's a fire risk if its near electrical sockets and yes, that is beyond simply spraying a bit of bleach around which is also fumey and can irritate sensitive lungs. Why on earth should the OP spend her designated holiday time scrubbing the walls with bleach anyway?!

She has behaved appallingly and I would be looking at legal action routes if at all possible. If not possible, I would be shaming this witch on every social media platform available to me.

StripeyDeckchair · 19/08/2024 19:21

I would have no qualms in telling the whole wider family that the house was in such a state, in case they were going to rent it from the aunt.
If she rents it out to the general public I would find the rental website and post a review.
Post photos with both

stayathomer · 19/08/2024 19:44

blueshoes

Or maybe you haven’t had a family rift where about 15 people were separated and impacted for years by two stubborn people’s actions

stayathomer · 19/08/2024 19:44

blueshoes

ps you can have a backbone and still be nice!!!

WhereDoWeGoFromHereBill · 19/08/2024 19:46

Singleandproud · 19/08/2024 15:01

@WhereDoWeGoFromHereBill no of course not, however my point was they had options. And yes, those are the actions I'd take if I found myself in a similar situation or I would fly home because I wouldn't be able to afford alternative accomodation

Staying with family with no formal arrangements is always going to be risky. If it was a hotel you would go to reception, request a move and give them a shoddy review on TripAdvisor you can't do that when renting from family.

Most people living in social housing have to regularly deal with black mould, most don't end up in hospital with fungal pneumonia after a week or so though although it does cause and exacerbate respiratory issues.

Really?? Those would be your ONLY 2 options?

Then it is fortunate the OP has the brain power to think of a 3rd option - leave and find somewhere else to stay

blueshoes · 19/08/2024 20:39

stayathomer · 19/08/2024 19:44

blueshoes

ps you can have a backbone and still be nice!!!

We shall agree to disagree then. Nothing of what you said suggests a backbone, only that the OP should be 'nice' so as not to create a family rift. So all the giving have to be on the OP's part and none from the perpetrator. That's not a backbone. That is a pushover.

stayathomer · 19/08/2024 21:19

blueshoes

yup, agree to disagree so😉 Have a good evening!

YOYOK · 19/08/2024 21:33

It is an odd timeline in that to confirm a fungal pneumonia, cultures would need to be taken and confirmed. Regardless of the poorly little one, that level of damp is outrageous and the aunt should be ashamed. She should refund the entire amount including your extra costs.

Valeriekat · 19/08/2024 21:33

Hoppinggreen · 19/08/2024 14:11

Not sure you get pneumonia from mould but anyway.
Of course she should have told you so you had the choice to go or not but as its a family arrangement (even paid) I am assuming no contract so no obligation to refund you.
Would be nice if she did but as she is refusing there isn't a lot you can do

You ca get asthma which can lead to pneumonia.

pinkfleece · 19/08/2024 21:35

If that mould gave your son pneumonia the you've got bigger issues as that's exceptionally rare with a functioning immune system.is he known to be immunocompromised?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/08/2024 21:44

She absolutely should have told you so that you could choose not to go. Imagine charging a family member, with young children, to stay somewhere you knew was like this.

However I do think you were U to stay there with Dd for the week. Driving or not driving, I’d have found somewhere to stay and got a taxi there if needs be.

Or gone home!

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