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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my children to be able to play....

32 replies

Quadrophenia · 16/04/2008 18:15

in the garden without constantly having to deal with the neighbours children aswell.
Okay have lived here for 6 years, fter first year my next door neighbours kids started leaning over the half fence towards the bottom end of the garden. TBH as their children are older than our eldest we weren't overly impressed as at that time ours were only three and two. Anyway to solve this problem we put a six foot fence up, to which they started climbing on something and leaning over. This has been a daily occurence for the last 5 years when the weather is fine. Recently they put a shed backing onto the fence and now the children sit on the roof with their legs dangling in. It greatly infringes on our privacy, even if my children go out to play early they are there, it is very rare that my children can go out in the garden without them being there. We bought a new tent last week and even putting that up as a family event was interupted by constant comments etc. The children aren't particularly horrible or anything, but they can get involved in rows between my children and sometimes I just want to deal with my own kids without dealing without the added hassle of other people. Today for example one of my twins fell out with the other, the elder boy(aged 11) was telling my other dd that her sister was a tell tale and a jimmy cheesecake, stupid i know but upsetting for her sister whne all she wants is to play in her own garden. So in essence i end up having to bring my children inside to resolve the situation. I don't feel comfortable chastising the other children as they aren't mine. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr not sure what the resolution is, but am I unreasonable to feel totally fed up with this.

OP posts:
fordfiesta · 16/04/2008 18:18

It would p*ss me off!!!!! Sorry cant offer any helpful advice but feel for you!!!

DoodleToYou · 16/04/2008 18:20

Message withdrawn

Miggsie · 16/04/2008 18:21

Arg!
Sounds like next doors kids are bored, and jealous.
Perhaps a nice spiky climbing plant such as a pyrocantha might help? Add nice thick ivy and a rambling rose...very pretty, but you wouldn't want to lean on it!

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 16/04/2008 18:22

Am happy to invite the children round to play and often do, but then its on my terms and I can deal with and resolve any problems that occur, as it stands it seems I'm always telling ym children off for things their children are either doing or encouraging them to do IYSWIM

OP posts:
Original poster
Quadrophenia · 16/04/2008 18:23

Doodle, am all for an easy life too, thats why its still going on
would have thought the fence would have sent out the message though!!

Have planted some climbers but climbing quick enough, at this rate they'll have left home.

OP posts:
nametaken · 16/04/2008 18:26

How old are they? Because to be honest if the were over the age of about 8 I would just tell them nicely that's it's nice to have a bit of privacy in your own garden. It's obvious to us, but sometimes children just have never had this pointed out to them.

Why don't you invite them round to play in your garden one day soon. Have the conversation about privacy, butting in, etc etc (but nicely, yeh) and then - if they stop doing it - say you'll invite them round more often for an hour now and again as a reward. That way they can feel included occasionally but you'll get your privacy back.

You say they are nice kids and as they are, I'd be inclined to cut them a little bit of slack. You wait till you have to deal with the nasty kids.

hecate · 16/04/2008 18:29

Barbed wire? Too extreme? Bugger. go for thorny bush, like Miggsie said.

Or poison ivy. [evil] [kidding] [maybe]......

Squirdle · 16/04/2008 18:30

Gawd no, you aren't unreasonable at all! Could you have a quiet word with the parents. You could say something like your children are beginning to climb onto the fence and shed because they see theirs doing it and as yours are younger you feel it would be dangerous. It is difficult having to speak to a neighbour about thier children as you don't want to cause bad feeling between yourselves do you.

I kind of have the same problem. We share a huge driveway with our neighbours and while most of the time it is lovely, we also don't get a lot of privacy when the neighbours children are out playing. Their boy is 'best friends' with my DS2, but he can be pretty horrible tbh, punching, kicking, hitting, spitting, bad language to name but a few things. The family is a really nice family, but they seem to encourage this so called boyish behaviour. We never used to tell him off as we didn't feel it was our place, but we do now and we send him home/out of our part of the garden at the front etc if we feel he is behaving in way we don't like. We actually don't have bad behaviour from him in our house now as he knows our rules and how we expect him to behave whilst with us or the children. It's a real shame that he can be so naughty as I do have a soft spot for him, but I won't be referee between him and the children all of the time.

Oh I have waffled a bit. I guess I am trying to say, that maybe at 11 you maight be able to ask the boy to get down from the fence/shed, and failing that, have a word with the mum.

CarGirl · 16/04/2008 18:31

Trellis on top of your fence so they can't see as well and then grow something up it too.

Squirdle · 16/04/2008 18:35

Ah yes, that is a good idea Cargirl. We have the problem with the little knot holes in the fence,the children next door stare through it and poke sticks through it. Mind you, I'm nt worried about telling them to stop now. I've told them off over the fence for throwing stones etc, but tbh if my children were doing the things they were and my neighbours saw them, I would expect them to tell my children off!

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 16/04/2008 18:35

I have made various comments in the past when i've been het up for one reason or another, but it never seems to change anything. The parents seem to encourage it, without being rude against them it occupies their children for hours. I'd like to feel i could speak to the mum, but I honestly don't think she'd see what the problem is, but now as he is getting older it does feel more invasive. When my children have friends round they are still there and it neans my children never really get left alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Quadrophenia · 16/04/2008 18:37

I just wish the parents would recognise that it can be quite rude and tell them themselves

we have said about trellis, but if you can imagine they are sitting on the she roof it is level with the fence it won't change things.

OP posts:
nametaken · 16/04/2008 18:38

Quad, what I'm trying to say is DON'T make the comments when your het up - say it at a nice friendly moment.

Squirdle · 16/04/2008 18:38

Figure a way of be able to let your children hang over their fence when the neighbour is in the garden, she'll soon understand how annoying it is!

CarGirl · 16/04/2008 18:40

Have you looked at trellis because they are looking down through it at your dc it will impair their vision and make it feel more private. If they are leaning on the trellis then tell them off - point out to them that the trellis is there to stop them interfering when they have not been invited around to play.

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 16/04/2008 18:41

nametaken you are absolutely right.
Squirdle, my kids do try and climb up the fence but i say in a very loud voice 'get down from the fence it is dangerous and rude'

they must know how ifeel after 6 years but choose to ignore it.

OP posts:
branflake81 · 16/04/2008 18:41

Actually I think you are being a bit unreasonable. It's nice for kids to play together.

Squirdle · 16/04/2008 18:42

I suppose the difference is that I know my neighbours realluy well, it being a very small development/community and have looked after the children quite a bit, so therefore don't feel I am not allowed to stop them from doing something I don't want them to. I'm not a meany, but there are certain things which we won;t put up with and we don't want our children copying.

I think the only way you can deal with this is by speaking to mum and try to make her understand how irritaing it is.

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 16/04/2008 18:42

Cargirl i used to tell them off about the fence all the time, they used to wobble it which peed me right off. I'm going to speak to dp about it, he did say a while back he'd like to do it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Quadrophenia · 16/04/2008 18:44

branflake it is nice for children to play together yes but i would like some privacy in my garden.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 16/04/2008 18:44

Put some hanging baskets up with russian vine or jasmine evergreen up - grows like wildfire!

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 16/04/2008 18:45

nearly bought some jasmine yesterday, if its fast growing i'll go back, thanks for that.

OP posts:
Squirdle · 16/04/2008 18:45

You sound like me Quod! I speak in very loud voice if the neighbours boy is misbehaving in our garden. And if mine do something I know he does, I will tell them not to and explain why, hoping it will sink in a bit (with the neighbours)

I'm making them sound horrid, when they really aren't. They are great neighbours really and we get on well. They know their boy is handful, but don't see to do a lot about it.

Greyriverside · 16/04/2008 18:46

It will seem odd and a big deal if you suddenly say to them to get down now.

Use CarGirl's trellis idea, paint/stain it and put up a wet paint sign.

You can use this as an excuse to stop them getting up there for a good few days and if they tell their parents it will sound perfectly reasonable of you.

Keep it going for a bit and then switch to "please get down as the trellis a bit fragile"

LyraSilvertongue · 16/04/2008 18:46

I suggest leylandii.

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