To feel so sad about my life

[tearyeyedx]

I can barely see for the amount of tears.

In life i know ive always done the 'right thing'. Ive not betrayed anyone, ive never cheated, i havent lied or used people. People close to me always say 'you're one of the good one's, a dying breed, the sweetest soul'. Fine, whatever because it hasnt got me anywhere.

Everyone i know who is 'winning' in life is horrible, selfish and nasty.

I know women who have cheated on their husband, gotten pregnant, decided they want to go back so thats that, all worked out for them. Now driving 100k cars and having 6 holidays a year living in mansions.

I know men who have cheated who have women still adore the ground they walk on.

People who bully others. Top of the food chain in life with happy and healthy kids and money in the bank.

Women who go after peoples husbands. Happy.

Why is life like this.

love of my life when i 20. He beat the crap out of me for wearing a crop top and my parents moved to get me away from him. I met someone later who left me, 6 months pregnant he left his job and i supported us both, 9 months pregnant i helped bury his mum, for him to leave 4 days before my due date. Havent had a penny off him in 12 years. He's married and happy now. Im still alone.

My ONE child has multiple health issues. But people with 5/6/7 children i know, have zero. Every thing is a struggle.

Im not bad so its not a case of i deserve it. I dont wallow, i get on with shit but every so often i see people doing the worst things and just gliding through life and it fucking kills me.

I cant turn cold and act like the above people. But when will i ever be happy?

I have a nice house which was my solace, my happiest place and now my next door neighbour has decided to scream at me for 'stealing water'. Ive lived here 8 years, he's lived here for 2. He thinks our water is linked and he's 'paying for my use'. May be an issue with thames water, i think he has a leak under his patio as his walls are always wet. Even so contact the supplier and go from there? Dont knock on my door screaming at a single mum about i owe you 2 years worth of bills. I dont as water company have confirmed and recorded call sent to him aswell. I look after your children, i translate doctors appointments for your wife when you're working, i drive her to appointments, ive cleaned your house when she was recovering from labour. Ive cooked multiple dinners so you can all relax and bond with your baby and toddler.

I feel like any opportunity to knock me on my knees, people dont even think twice and just take it.

I dont have anyone to talk to about how i feel.

Believe me, I'm no Pollyanna, and I know life sucks at times. I think, for me, I just had to find a different way of looking at things. For me. Accepting the things I couldn't change and trying to find as much joy as possible where I could.. Even having a pillow and a bed. I know it's a really tough thing to do, believe me, when life is throwing lemons at you and you are unable to escape a situation. Just speaking as someone who knows hard times and wants to help. No judgment ❤xx

Also OP. I posted a similar thread to yours recently and someone said help someone once but don't do anything again until they reciprocate. It was good advice and something I will be keeping in mind.
I have been used all my life. If someone is going through a tough time I will be their best friend but as soon as they are back on their feet, they disappear. Or if I am of advantage to someone such as helping them with their dogs then again they are all over me until I can't do it any longer.
I have been a people pleaser all my life as well as constantly described as 'nice.' I have really had to work on boundaries as I keep finding myself in the same situations.

I feel for you OP, I have two kids and the oldest is severely disabled and through no fault of him own makes all our lives very difficult, and sometimes I see people with four or five kids who are "perfect" and it does feel unfair. (I know I am very lucky is most other areas of my life, though, and obviously I adore my disabled child too). But the truth is that none of us know what is going to happen at any time, or even what is happening behind the scenes of other people's lives. Comparison really will kill all joy if you let it, as will expecting any justice in this world. It helps to just focus on the good things in your life and think of other people you aren't close to as just background characters in the story of your life - what they have isn't important because your story is about you! (Dunno if I've communicated that well, or if it sounds a bit psychopathic). You are the main character of your life, whether or not you have everything that you want or deserve. You have a child who loves you which is a wonderful thing. I hope you feel better soon and some lovely things happen in your life!

Start being selfish OP, if you feel being kind had only caused you pain.

Stop comparing your live to other people, tell the neighbour to piss off and focus on what suits you. Pick carefully the people you're kind to: basically your DC and vulnerable people who need a quick favour (helping an old lady carry her shopping to get car- yes, going round and doing errands for her every day- no)

You seem to be fixed on a good relationship. So many people are better off by themselves

Start enjoying what you like to do. Join a club, go to the cinema etc

The neighbour. Fuck him. Dont do anymore for him

Two things OP

1. You only ever see snippets of peoples lives and never really know what's going on.
2. The people you've described the abuser and angry neighbour, they will be deeply unhappy inside, it can't be nice living a life where you're that angry etc.

You seem like a nice good person.

“Good guys finish last”. And in the nicest possible way, being a “good guy” to the undeserving doesn’t make you a good person, it makes you a mug.

Start putting yourself first and you will be much happier.

I really recommend a book called “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”.

Hi op I'm sorry about your child's illness I wish them all the health and healing possible.

It's natural to feel rubbish when life is tough. You need community. Have you got a ginger bread single parents group near you? Could you start one?

Please also ask gp for counselling. This helped me to prioritize my own needs and boundaries a little more rather than expecting people to do if for me. It also helps you realise it is ok to be selfish sometimes.

Your child deserves a happy mum who is thriving not just surviving! Xxx

This is perfect advice

Keep trying with cma. He must be self employed but will have to pull some money out of his business to eg get covid furlough etc so that wil help you. Keep doing it.

Also please call your councils early help service to see about respite care for your sons complex medical needs it is usually available! Xx

There’s a morale to this story for you to learn….men are born like it, women need to learn it. The moral is be selfish, put you first, don’t step back for anyone else! (Children excluded obviously).

Don’t do things for people, start doing things for you instead. People won’t respect you if you don’t respect yourself, it’s a hard lesson to learn, especially if your a people pleaser.

I was badly beaten up by a BF when young and have had a child die. Only my very closest friends know this. Everyone else will see quite a cheery soul who has retired early and lives in a nice house.

It is very true that no one knows peoples real stories, only what they choose to share. Unfortunately your self esteem and negativity will work against you. Rather than being jealous you need to seek therapy and attempt to change your mindset.

Hi OP, not sure if this helps but as a bit of a lifelong people pleaser, I have felt pretty used in the past especially when I have been through low points and have had that feeling of the unfairness of it all when I compare myself to others so I just don’t anymore. You are just hurting yourself. I have developed some boundaries so that I am doing the kind, caring and considerate things because that is who i choose to be in my core as a person and not because I want validation or recognition from others because that will never happen.

If you are looking for someone to take the piss or be mean and cruel, you will find that without even looking but you will have to look very hard to find validation.

i read once that assertiveness feels like aggression when you are a people pleaser and it stuck with me. Continue to be yourself but recognise that it is perfectly normal to put boundaries in place.

Neighbour problems can be the last straw. When the world feels like shit your home is the place you want to feel safe so you can deal with it all. Having that place disturbed can be overwhelming. I hear you OP. Hope things pick up for you.

You’re getting some good advice and feedback here @tearyeyedx and some harsh and uncalled for criticism too.

I’ve not much to add except, keep your head up and be sure to save the bulk of your kindness for yourself and your son (other people come second). It’s ok to sometimes feel the way you do but if it seems an ongoing issue you need to get to your gp. Do something nice for yourself today, however small, if you can x