To feel so sad about my life

[tearyeyedx]

I can barely see for the amount of tears.

In life i know ive always done the 'right thing'. Ive not betrayed anyone, ive never cheated, i havent lied or used people. People close to me always say 'you're one of the good one's, a dying breed, the sweetest soul'. Fine, whatever because it hasnt got me anywhere.

Everyone i know who is 'winning' in life is horrible, selfish and nasty.

I know women who have cheated on their husband, gotten pregnant, decided they want to go back so thats that, all worked out for them. Now driving 100k cars and having 6 holidays a year living in mansions.

I know men who have cheated who have women still adore the ground they walk on.

People who bully others. Top of the food chain in life with happy and healthy kids and money in the bank.

Women who go after peoples husbands. Happy.

Why is life like this.

love of my life when i 20. He beat the crap out of me for wearing a crop top and my parents moved to get me away from him. I met someone later who left me, 6 months pregnant he left his job and i supported us both, 9 months pregnant i helped bury his mum, for him to leave 4 days before my due date. Havent had a penny off him in 12 years. He's married and happy now. Im still alone.

My ONE child has multiple health issues. But people with 5/6/7 children i know, have zero. Every thing is a struggle.

Im not bad so its not a case of i deserve it. I dont wallow, i get on with shit but every so often i see people doing the worst things and just gliding through life and it fucking kills me.

I cant turn cold and act like the above people. But when will i ever be happy?

I have a nice house which was my solace, my happiest place and now my next door neighbour has decided to scream at me for 'stealing water'. Ive lived here 8 years, he's lived here for 2. He thinks our water is linked and he's 'paying for my use'. May be an issue with thames water, i think he has a leak under his patio as his walls are always wet. Even so contact the supplier and go from there? Dont knock on my door screaming at a single mum about i owe you 2 years worth of bills. I dont as water company have confirmed and recorded call sent to him aswell. I look after your children, i translate doctors appointments for your wife when you're working, i drive her to appointments, ive cleaned your house when she was recovering from labour. Ive cooked multiple dinners so you can all relax and bond with your baby and toddler.

I feel like any opportunity to knock me on my knees, people dont even think twice and just take it.

I dont have anyone to talk to about how i feel.

The other 1500 children may not have your son’s exact illness. But I can guarantee there will be many with other physical or mental health problems or social issues. And who don’t have a devoted and caring mum.

Having a son who is so unwell that you have to be nearby every day must be really tough. He is very lucky to have you.

This sounds like you really could do with counselling. That's a good place to talk about such things. You've suffered a lot in the past and it's a struggle to feel worthwhile when others lives look superficially easier. I'm going to go out and say that they are almost certainly not as happy as they look on the surface.
Ignore the neighbour who claims you're 'stealing water'. He needs to take it up with the water company. If he persists then you could report him to the police for harassment.
I hope things improve for you. When bad things happen it's not because you deserve them or not, sometimes it's just lessons we have to learn to move on our lives in future.

It doesn’t have anything whatsoever to do with ‘luck’, but if you continually seek to serve others, rather than seek out egalitarian relationships with people who like you for your personality rather than your usefulness, you’re more likely to end up in poor, unequal friendships and bad relationships because you don’t approach them in a way that recognises your own worth, not what you can do for the other person.

Whether or not you’re a size six and pretty or have ever done anything ‘bad’ is irrelevant to hard things like your child’s illness. That stuff is really difficult, and it’s not handed out on merit or as punishment. But you didn’t pursue CM for your child, you decided it wasn’t going to be worth it, just as you appear to have decided your neighbour isn’t going to be your friend any more because her husband has a grudge against you, and that bad people come out on top. Challenge those beliefs because not only are they not doing you any favours, they’re actively hampering you. Ask your neighbour friend for a coffee. Start child maintenance proceedings, and use the backdated money for therapy and childcare, and/ or retraining. Start dating if you’d like a relationship, and have worked on your boundaries. It sounds as if it would be beneficial to you to unpick some of your belief patterns.

That’s a good idea about finding support among other parents with children with your son’s condition.

People close to me always say 'you're one of the good one's, a dying breed, the sweetest soul'.

What people are really saying when they say this is that you have no boundaries and let people walk all over you. It's not a compliment. It turns off stable, decent people, because they want to engage with other stable people with good self-esteem, and it attracts users and abusers, who will exploit you without reservations.

You can really help yourself by developing some boundaries for yourself and doing way way less for other people. Possibly with the support of some therapy, if you can afford it. As you've discovered, being a people pleaser doesn't make people like you. Rather the opposite. They sense that you don't like yourself, and if you don't value yourself, why should they?

Tell your neighbour to go fuck himself.

Excuse my bluntness but I used to feel like you. Took a lot of work to realise I was the problem. People don't like nice people pleasers, they like people with boundaries. You can still be a kind person with boundaries and a backbone. I used to internalise everything and could have written your post only a couple of years ago.

Life is very unfair. The only control you have is over yourself. Start with that piss taking next door neighbour.

Fuck sake. Standard for this website. Someone says being nice isnt enough you have to be attractive or xyz. Say im attractive and xyz, everyone jumps and says i sound up myself. I dont need to be blown up by a bomb or have a child die. Should someone with one dead child lose 2 to REALLY feel some pain? Life is relative, so are problems and these are mine. Can see im feeling shit but lets be rude and write shit things anyway.

And i will be telling my neighbour to go fuckhim self. Cant wait to be honest.

It is interesting that you are focusing on the negative responses more than the supportive and positive ones. It perhaps gives an insight into how you view the world around you.

You should definitely seek some kind of therapy, though with a sick child it will make it much harder for you to engage. You definitely need some support.

The way I look at it is like this. Though it looks like these people are having great lives, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Especially when there's been cheating in the relationship. And for the really shitty ones, Karma will catch up to them eventually 😁

You will feel better!

It all sounds very hard.
Start with telling that neighbour to get lost snd have nothing further to do with him.
Ring the police about him and keep ringing.

Hi @tearyeyedx

As a lifelong people pleaser who genuinely only ever means well, I get this and how unfair it feels xx

Just remember that you are worthy and you are of value and you are doing an amazing job caring for your child.

What I've learned is that the only person who can make us happy is ourselves. External things or people can make us more comfortable or enhance our experience, but not make us happy. They say that our experience of life in many situations is not about what is happening around us, but what we are focussing on, so I've tried really hard to focus on the nice things - a sunny day, blue sky, a roof over my head, a comfy bed etc. Gratitude journaling also helps with this. If you write 5 things down a day that you are grateful for, it gradually shifts things ...

And yes, comparison is the thief of joy. I've known those people who treat others so badly, who seem to be doing so well, superficially, but they are not really happy - happy people don't feel the need to treat others badly. You treat people well, so congratulate yourself for that xx

Yes, I know, there is always someone off worse than yourself, but it doesn't invalidate our experiences xxx

I find meditations help - if you look up Great Meditations on YouTube, for example, they do lovely guided meditations, including ones on gratitude, self worth, happiness etc. Most of them are only about 10 mins but they give a little gentle reminder ...

You've got this xxx

Jesus, what a pity fest party you’ve arranged for yourself. I can’t even.

Don't tell your neighbour to go fuck himself. Tell him very coldly to please stop shouting at you, that you haven't been stealing his water and he needs to contact his water company to find out why his bill is so high.

I don't see why it has to end your friendship with his wife, just see her away from him. For all you know she thinks he's a complete arse and is only with him because financially/culturally she feels she has no other options.

I do get it OP.
The most selfish man I know is adored by his doting fiancee, makes a ton of money and is always on holidays and fun days and nights out. He has almost perfect health despite abusing drugs and drink.
The most selfish women I know have amazing relationships, treated by their partners, lots of holidays and again, good health.
It's hard, it really is. It's OK to feel how you do.
With that said, if you are a natural carer (I am the same) then one thing I have learnt is that you need to have very strong boundaries. Focus on yourself more, you need that. Nurture your own needs, you are worthy of that x

Yeah, life is unfair. I struggle with that too. I have to just not think about it, as it drives you mad.

Other people might look at your life and see you have your health, your family, your child and a nice house and think ‘she has it all, she is so so lucky’.

This isn’t intended as some toxic positivity ‘there are people worse off than you’ bullshit, but rather to illustrate that you never know what someone’s life is like or how happy they are just by looking at the things they seem to have. You don’t know what pain or heartache lies behind seemingly happy lives, and comparing yourself to others will never make you feel good.

Time to step into your villain era.

I understand you, I feel the same way. Did what society and my mother said, good friend, loyal wife ect ect. Be kind blah blah blah. Been shat upon by most of them.

All bollocks. The phrase nice guys finish last is really true so I’ve been unlearning all of this training us women (specifically) get. I’ve had to kill my love and empathy and learn how to be cold and ruthless over the last year. Wish I’d started young.

I am genuinely taken aback by some of these responses, but as you said, this is TYPICAL MUMSNET. Considering the majority of us are women it’s shocking that we can be so heartless and judgmental towards eachother. Don’t let any of these miserable sad fucks invalidate your experience, because guaranteed they look in the mirror and hate themselves, hence why they spread their shit everywhere in an attempt to drag others down.
Just know you are seen and understood. I feel exactly the same regarding my life experience as it doesn’t matter what I do, nothing seems to go right. Regardless of hard work, effort and perspective, nothing ever seems to pay off. I used to live in airy-fairy positivity land until I realised it wasn’t changing my experience at all. I’m sorry that I don’t have any advice. I’m trying to believe that karma is real, and the good ones will have their day. You are not alone.
Sending you so much love ❤️
Ps. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk x

Yes, I meant to say what @CobaltQueen said about nurturing yourself too. It's really important. I always felt bad about it - like it was selfish - but actually, to be able to care for others we have to be okay ourselves first. Just things like nourishing yourself with healthy food, reading a book, a face mask - anything that makes you feel good xx

And it's okay to say no :)

Go to the docs, see if he thinks you have depression.
Dont focus on your past, it’s what is dragging you ever down.
If you need it, see if there’s any help you need with your son.
Forget the “culture” crap of your life being over, it isn’t.
Dont get dragged into a war of words with next door, it won’t help. If lady next door wants to stay friends, then that’s good, but don’t interact with the male next door.
Focus on being positive, find some new interests, new friends, get out more, interest groups.
Just chill out more, and don’t leap in to help others too much.
Social media is a downward spiral at times like this. Don’t search out old friends, old relationships, focus on you, now and moving forwards.
Good luck.

Yes, I think we often don't see the true or full picture. And whilst we might envy certain aspects o a person's life, would we really want to be that person - it means you have to take all parts of their life, including the less desirable parts. I wouldn't want to be anyone else ...

Which woman is this ?

a woman cheats on her husband and he brings up her love child as if its his and nobody mentions it.

Is it someone you know?
Regardless focus on you
Seek some counselling
Reach out to other parents with sick kids (bit find someone with a positive outlook)
Look up the

"Fking normal" podcast and Facebook

Your first love was not the love of your life
You were young got taken in
Love of your life does not abuse you

I totally appreciate you've hard a really tough time. However, there's a lack of logic in your post. If people are cheating they are clearly unhappy or unfulfilled in some way. If your ex feels so strongly against child maintenence that he needs to change his work and lie low then he's clearly not a happy well balanced person.

I understand. I had an abusive ex that continues to wreck havoc which also doing everything he can to avoid CMS (on this note - CMS are useless but you can go to tribunal which is free and easy and they'll likely resolve this). I have an autistic child having huge difficulties and rarely get a break.

However, the absolute best thing I've done is going local online and in person disability groups. Speaking to others also struggling with their kids keeps me sane(ish).

Although there's a lot I'd change I'm relatively content. My ex on the other hand spends his time trying to cause issues for me. Even though he is far more well off than me it's pretty obvious who is actually happier.