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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Did my fiancé cheat or AIBU?

81 replies

UmberKoala · 17/08/2024 20:32

I (F31) have a partner (M33) I've been with for 8 years. I wish we were married with kids already but, we're happy and are planning to have a baby soon.
We share a computer, a few months ago I went on and his Facebook account was already open when I went to log in.
A message popped up from a women, I didn't recognise her so I snooped through the messages which, I know was a bit wrong of me! There was nothing too bad and it was mainly her messaging him. I just think what she was sending was weird, she sent a selfie of herself at Easter wearing easter bunny ears and she was constantly trying to start chats with him and asking why he doesn't reply. Another thing I found weird is that she had asked him to have a phone call at one point and he said to give him a few mins as I was upstairs in bed and he'd go for a walk to take it. I confronted him and he said there was nothing to it, she's a colleague from work that messages him and needed some advice. I let it go!
Fast forward a few months to a couple of weeks ago. We had a major argument, I said I was finished - sick of waiting for marriage, kids e.c.t. I've apologised for this and said I was in the wrong. After the argument he stayed at his parents to get some space. I since found out he wasn't at his parents he was somewhere else. I snooped again, there were bookings for two on his emails and a restaurant booking. I saw a future booking for a hotel bar. I confronted him - he said he cancelled the booking and it was originally for me and him. Fast forward to yesterday and I'm absolutely devastated I found him at that booking at the hotel bar, with the colleague I was worried about a few months ago.
He still says he's never cheated. I'm so angry, I know we had a massive argument and I wasn't perfect but for the last few weeks I feel like all he's done is lie to me.
He's obviously been a massive idiot and crossed the line but AIBU to think he's fully cheated. I'm just so confused, I trusted him so much and it feels like my life's just been destroyed.

OP posts:
wingsanddreams · 25/08/2024 14:16

He's cheating. No need to feel bad about checking him behind his back, how else are you going to find out the truth? Cut it sooner than later you can recover from it sooner. Don't have a baby with him.

EC22 · 25/08/2024 14:27

You said you were done, be done, don’t waste any more of your life with him.

UmberKoala · 25/08/2024 23:26

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 22/08/2024 20:20

Presumably you confronted him at the hotel bar?

What happened?

I said hello to the woman, asked her if she's friends with him. She said yes, I repeatedly asked her for a name, she wouldn't tell me. I asked her if she knew this was my fiancé, she stopped talking at this point.
He said "my name, do not do this".
I told him it was the final straw e.c.t and walked off.

I've left him now. Apparently, he came after me. Obviously he didn't try too hard since he never caught up to me What pissed me off even more and made me ring the estate agents the next day....he said she was upset.
I'm beside myself, I'm raging!! I'm also completely done!

OP posts:
Diarygirlqueen · 26/08/2024 08:39

I'm so sorry to hear this, but you've done the absolute right thing, 8 years and this is how he treats you?. Please don't let this spineless and weak man take any more from you. Sending positive vibes and wish you the best of luck.

Nantescalling · 26/08/2024 14:17

You will definitely be better off without him. You may never know whetherhe got herr nto bed or not but does it matter? Months of innocent advice iving - my ars...!

MeliBee · 26/08/2024 19:18

Even if he wouldn’t have cheated, you want some important things for your life that he obviously doesn’t want. Time is precious. You deserve someone that wants this things too or at least to be free to start something with a serious man that wants the same things that you want when that person comes up, not to be tied to a life you don’t want with someone that doesn’t even care about your wishes. That’s not fair for you. You deserve better. Maybe he’s doing you a favor by being such an idiot.

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