Police referred us to social services because I reported my neighbour for harassment

[Blackandwhite191919]

I've been having problems with a neighbour who likes to bang on the walls/ceiling when my children are playing. He has also been at my door multiple times, the most recent time he was loud and swearing at me. I reported it to the police with the hope of obtaining a harassment warning. I have an earlier post about it.

So the police came and I provided a statement, I'm just waiting to hear back on their next steps.

Yesterday morning I received an out of the blue call from social services. They'd received the info from the police and were calling as a formality. It put the fear of God into me.

There were no safeguarding concerns raised about me/my parenting, our home etc. They have no plans to come out and get involved - so it was completely pointless and unnecessary, but a formality apparently.

I have a lot of trauma from my experiences with the police and social services from when I was young, there's far too much to go into, so it took a lot of courage for me to reach out and report this neighbour in the first place.

One example of many - I once called the police as I'd been assaulted and locked in the house (domestic abuse) but because the abuser lied and told them I'd assaulted him - I got arrested, even though he had a long history of doing the same things.

I have now reverted back to not wanting to deal with the police at all and likely won't ask for help again in the future which isn't ideal as I may well need them at some point.

AIBU to think they shouldn't have done that?

Any time something criminal happens where children are present (even just in the home at the time of the door banging for example) requires police to submit a form to SS.

In this situation, SS may be of assistance to you in demonstrating the issues with the neighbour.

This isn't about you being a risk to your children, this is about the risk the neighbour may pose to you and your children, especially if they have a problem with normal kid noise.

I understand it's worrying, but please don't panic.

The police were doing their job. There is potentially a risky person living next door to you, harassing you because of your children, it's a potential risk to your children. It's up to SS to assess and provide support where necessary.

What do you want us to say?

That policy is there to protect children from harm. It's an important policy and the police were correct to refer it in.

Yep 100% this. People think police have discretion over this- they don't. A report requires it usually as policy and SS are there to help you. I do understand that there's a perception that when someone is referred to SS it must be about a concern for their parenting- this isn't the case OP don't worry! If you are really confused about why they referred you go on your local force website and follow the disclosure request route. The public disclosure department will consider disvlosibn the crime report to you and you can read what is written on there and why the referral was made. Mostly don't panic, the police could know something about your neighbour that you don't and there could be a very good reason for them to refer you.

They're not actually going to provide any support. They are closing the referral and said its not something they can help with anyway, so it really was a waste of time.

The only thing that has come out of it is me now feeling distrustful and even more reluctant to report anything again in the future 😕

This isn't about you being a risk to your children, this is about the risk the neighbour may pose to you and your children, especially if they have a problem with normal kid noise

That. Your history is making you react irrationally. The referral is too protect your children from the neighbour's actions! It's no judgment on you.

They haven't 'reported you to SS' they've done a safeguarding referral because children were present when the offences happened. That's something they have to do & have done their jobs correctly.
They are not blaming you or accusing you of anything.

Thank you for the reality check. I agree it's the history that's colouring my view.

I think if I'd been told in advance I'd likely have dealt with it better but it was so out of the blue and I've been worrying ever since.

They have to OP because the reality is that if you are involving the police due to a violent neighbour then there is absolutely a potential risk to your children by living there, they have to report that. Social services may not be able to act on it, but the police have to make the report.

Please don't take this attitude.

It's similar to when you have to take a small child to A&E. My health visitor turned up the next day as our visit had been reported to her, even though the minor accident was entirely unpreventable and witnessed as such. We had a friendly chat, she rolled her eyes a bit at the referral, but said it was standard, and then closed the case.

It didn't stop me taking my kids to A&E or the GP nurse with injuries in the future. That would just be stupid.

I completely agree it’s a pointless waste of time. Sorry it upset you @Blackandwhite191919

They're not actually going to provide any support. They are closing the referral and said its not something they can help with anyway, so it really was a waste of time.
It was not a waste of time, Police & SS have determined the level of harassment that you are getting. It could have been much worse if it does get worse then this incident is logged and on file with his name. Appropriate steps will then be taken.
We hope.

This, OP. That they’re not coming out means they have no concerns with you, the are concerned as to how your children may impacted by the neighbour’s behaviour. Had a lot of interaction with SS over a 4 year period and was very anxious at the start, but they are there to offer support. I would reach out if the neighbour continues to kick off if you feel it is putting the kids on edge as they may be able to get other agencies involved with your neighbour.

This is your own history that is causing you issues, not what has just happened now. They made a standard call, closed the case, don't want to come out or think your children are in any danger. Any of us would be fine with this. Your history is making you think otherwise.

They have to. You’ve just reported a neighbour for harassment. That is a safeguarding concern.

But not investigating situations is how abused children fall through the cracks.
Your neighbour could be posing a risk to your children and others which is why they need to investigate. Just as they close the case in this instance doesn’t mean it was a waste of time. Next time, with someone else’s neighbour, something could be found.

The point is surely that it’s the neighbour who needs investigation - not the OP!

I agree with this but also voted YANU because your past experiences sound awful, and I’m really sorry you went through that.

YANBU in the circumstances to find it alarming, but social services could be a real help dealing with the neighbour, as it’s affecting your kids. Good idea to report the neighbour, please don’t stop going to the authorities where needed.

It is not about you but children, let then do their job and make it about them

It’s standard OP. Going forward, ensure your children play quietly to avoid confrontation in case the harassment escalates.

Imagine your neighbour did something terrible and the police had done nothing to safeguard the children.

When my disabled ds was the victim of a sustained campaign of harassment due to his disability the police (who for once we're brilliant) had to make a safeguarding report to ss because of his age and vulnerability through his disability. It's supposed to ensure that he and I have any support we need to help him coap with the crt process and to help prevent his further victimisation, however as normal ss were about as useful as a chocolate fireguard. It's not personal @Blackandwhite191919 it's the system, which if ss was suitably staffed and funded would be really helpful instead all they do is phone you and if you're really luck send you some leaflets

Victim blaming at its finest here

The police did their job, they wanted to make sure your children are safe, they are and you don't need to worry. Perhaps therapy is the way forward.

It's not an either/or. The investigation of the neighbour will go ahead. The safeguarding check is an additional thing, not an 'instead of'.