Police referred us to social services because I reported my neighbour for harassment

[Blackandwhite191919]

I've been having problems with a neighbour who likes to bang on the walls/ceiling when my children are playing. He has also been at my door multiple times, the most recent time he was loud and swearing at me. I reported it to the police with the hope of obtaining a harassment warning. I have an earlier post about it.

So the police came and I provided a statement, I'm just waiting to hear back on their next steps.

Yesterday morning I received an out of the blue call from social services. They'd received the info from the police and were calling as a formality. It put the fear of God into me.

There were no safeguarding concerns raised about me/my parenting, our home etc. They have no plans to come out and get involved - so it was completely pointless and unnecessary, but a formality apparently.

I have a lot of trauma from my experiences with the police and social services from when I was young, there's far too much to go into, so it took a lot of courage for me to reach out and report this neighbour in the first place.

One example of many - I once called the police as I'd been assaulted and locked in the house (domestic abuse) but because the abuser lied and told them I'd assaulted him - I got arrested, even though he had a long history of doing the same things.

I have now reverted back to not wanting to deal with the police at all and likely won't ask for help again in the future which isn't ideal as I may well need them at some point.

AIBU to think they shouldn't have done that?

They're not playing loudly. He has banged and come upstairs for any slight sound, from singing happy birthday at lunch time to accidentally dropping something on the floor. I have nine A4 pages of incidents from him over the span of 15 months.

He used to moan that he could hear the kids getting ready for bed at 8.30 so I brought bed time forward to 8pm, now he's complaining that they're getting up at 6.30 and "stamping on his head" (read, getting out of bed) 🤦🏼‍♀️

It wasn't a waste of time, they established that there is minimal risk to your children and that right now they can't provide further support. That is useful information for all involved. Before that call, they had no idea of knowing if you did need thier support. So the call was needed.

Do not let you past experiences make you make poor choices now.

As an aside, maybe this could be a trigger for you seeking therapy to deal with your past trauma?

Because mistrusting children's services and police is quite a harmful stance to take when it comes to keeping children safe.

Nobody was judging you personally. There was no liklihood anything more happening than you bring offered help (which you can choose to decline), if anything was needed at all.

For example, with childrens services supporting you (if you consented) they could help you with the local housing association to be moved. If you don't like your neighbour, that could be a very positive thing for you. No need to be afraid of the support they offer.

Please don't give up. Keep documenting everything. Can you afford to consult a solicitor? Perhaps a warning letter from a solicitor would make him back off?

It is a good thing that both police and social services have this situation in their records, so that if the neighbour continues his abusive bullying, or escalates his behaviour, it will be easier for action to be taken against him.

Don't give up. Your children have a right to live a normal life with normal daily noise levels.

Do you rent? Private or housing association? If it is housing association, complain to them in writing about your neighbour.

Has anyone else got advice? Should the OP contact someone at the council?

There may simply be a lack of insulation in the OP building so she can do nothing about it.

Chances are this may actually work in your favour.

You can explain what the neighbour is like and how it’s so bad that you had to call the police.

Hopefully the kids will play as normal and the neighbour will get annoyed to show SS what they’re like.
(Although they may see you have a visitor and not do anything).

If you want to move in the future, then SS can speak to the council about rehousing you.
Or help you put in complaints about him.

I’m sorry you had such an awful experience of SS and the police but things have changed and you are not at fault here.

If you rent socially or are a leaseholder you need to contact the landlord/freeholder and put in a complaint about your neighbour's antisocial behaviour as he is harassing your children.

SS being called out means there is nothing wrong with your parenting, which if your children are in childcare and/or school will be further backed up by them.

I also hate SS and the police particularly due to some of the terrible stereotyping SS themselves have done which I had to raise hell about. So your initial reactions are normal. People who haven't had to deal with shitstorms caused by such bodies biases and prejudices don't understand.

This comment is drowning in hypocrisy.

We had a problem with a neighbour a few months ago - we had to call 999 twice. Each time the police came and they didn’t even speak to us they just went next door ? They literally refused to engage with us even though we had made the report (I even had video evidence I wanted to show them of an assault in the garden they didn’t want to talk to us) and our dc were not referred to SS. The woman and kids next door were moved out the day of the second call the house was empty for a while then new neighbours moved in so just have been more to it

I think it's just standard procedure - same as your child being in A&E can end up with a HV visit or phone call - even if not in your care at the time of injury. Not a pleasant surprise though.

Can the council noise department help you - prove the noisy is just living noise or help with noise related harassment from neighbour?

@endofsummerevenings

the OP ISN'T being investigated, that's the point!!

the children were being referred to SS because of the neighbour scaring them, not the OP.

@Blackandwhite191919

im sorry about your history xx

However, TRY to take on board what people have told you. It's the neighbour they're concerned about, not you!

they're not taking it further this time (though you don't know they haven't visited him & told him to get a grip & behave himself) but it's on record. If he continues being a hit, report him again & you'll be creating a 'history' of his behaviour.

the police did the right thing (the compulsory thing for them) but I'm sorry they didn't explain it to you properly & have scared you.

For example, with childrens services supporting you (if you consented) they could help you

That. They're not perfect, but a letter from them mentioning safeguarding your children from this man, could be really helpful. I know it's hard for you to see then as allies, but still...

One example of many - I once called the police as I'd been assaulted and locked in the house (domestic abuse) but because the abuser lied and told them I'd assaulted him - I got arrested, even though he had a long history of doing the same things

This is shocking 😲

I cannot see how it goes from victim calling the police to victim being arrested?

He had a personality disorder and would self harm.

He hit me, locked me in the house and was cutting his arms with a broken piece of ceramic he'd smashed (he did it every time I wanted to leave him)

When the police turned up he had fresh cuts on his arms and told them I'd done it.

"Duty bound" because he had injuries apparently. The fact his whole body was full of self harm marks old and new clearly escaped them.. and the fact he was well known to them whereas I wasn't

Edited to add - this was many, many years ago, he isn't my children's father.

Oh Bless You
Don't fret OP

Two times the SS came to mine.

1st time my Son had a broken arm (due to his brother pushing him off a top bunkbed) and a referral was made.

2nd time (same Son!) fell and hit his head on concrete, causing a huge bump, It was witnessed by his friend's Mum though and I took Him to the Doctors (both the friends Mum and Doctor confirmed I had done this). Referral made.

Cases were both closed before they opened if that makes sense
I was furious at the time (not now though, as I see why these referrals were made, but I was in a bad place myself at that time).

Are you sure your horrible neighbours haven’t told them you’re abusing your children.

Its well known the police haven’t got a clue about domestics, even between couples they will arrest the victim because they appear to be kicking off, feeling safe to voice their abuse, whilst the actual abuser is sitting there all quiet and meek playing the victim.

If the neighbour lied to the police and said you're an abusive parent they had no choice but to report it. But people maliciously make false reports like that all the time; the police are wise to it. Don't let it worry you or stop you calling them if you need to.

I don't want to worry you but hope to inform you that this notification/Safeguarding report has probably gone to your children's school too. It is called operation encompass where any police incidents are shared with ss and schools.

Well it's now clear why it got reported to social service's, he's a drug dealer and his flat is being raided as I type 😐

I went out to speak to one of the officers as I thought they were here because of my report. The officer couldn't go in to specifics but strongly hinted at that being what it is.

Be careful you might get the blame for the tip off.

That's what I'm worried about to be honest.

The officer I spoke to said he could see the Intel (my report) on the system but wasn't here for that as they're from a different Borough.

I really hope he isn't questioned about my report when he gets taken down the station for this as that's the first thing he's going to think isn't it! 😕

Yabu

Is he police did nothing wrong

Read my update. I know that now. They had information that I didn't have, which justifies the report.

Every time there is a problem with someone with MH issues harming someone, or a horrible child death, people look at who did not do their jobs, and SS, police and MH staff are blamed. You cant have vigilance and not interview people - the vase majority of those interviews will be just like this, no action taken. Better a few people with ruffled feathers than a preventable death.

I do agree, it's just not a nice feeling receiving a call like that with no prior warning especially when you've had bad experiences with services in the past.

In light of what I now know I'm perfectly OK with it.