To be pissed off DP is out drinking with his friends?

[rivertine]

He lives in the same town as me and finishes work in the evenings during the week. We don't live together. My young DS is on holiday with his grandparents so it means I have more free rime to see him.

He has stayed over twice this week and is tonight too. He went out with work for someone's birthday at 5pm. I said I would pick him up.

He has now gone to meet up with his friends at a pub nearby (this was not planned).

He will be spending tomorrow evening and all of Sunday with his friends too.

Am I expecting too much? I feel like telling him to make his own way home.

Thank you all

Oh god no. A sweaty, beery, farty, possibly even pukey man in my car and actual bed?! Plus, it’s jimjam o’clock surely if you’re having a quiet night home alone.

I would be disappointed honestly that he’s spending a lot of time with his mates when your kid is away, I do get that.

I dated a guy like this for 5years! Wasnt interested in my child at all, and whenever we had free time between us hed choose to go out drinking with mates. Never invited me as a couple. It was a very strange relationship.

I came to realise we barely knew each other and it was just convienience.

absolutely agree

So your "DP" spends all his week-ends with his friends ? Then he's not your DP and he is not in love. I'm sorry but you deserve someone for whom you are a priority. Seeing friends now and again ok, but every bloody week-end no.

I'm going to give it until 11 I think.

If I've not heard from him by then, I'll text and say he can make his own way back.

I want to tell him to just go home, but he's left all of his things here.

I'd text to aay you're going to sleep then put your phone on silent. He can collect his things tomorrow. I honestly wouldn't bother picking him up, or letting him in if he turns up.

This is it.

I'm guessing your children's holiday wasn't impromptu either, so he knew you'd be freer than usual?

Well he hasn't left all his things there has he as he lives somewhere else, don't be daft. Stop thinking about and considering him more than he does you.

Completely get where you're coming from but did you ask him to do something just you two this weekend? Seems like lack of communication.

Urgh. I can't drive and don't have kids, I am basically a 43 year old teenager but there is no way I'd expect another adult to pick me up after a night out!! How pathetic. Get in a cab/night bus/stagger drunkenly but see yourself home!

Oh please don't go and pick him up. You're not a taxi service and he'll be pissed as anything, so no fun for you. He doesn't put you first in any way, does he? If he had a brain cell he'd know how much you'd want some company on a child-free night.

Don't even think of picking him up. Put yourself first and establish boundaries.

He doesn't sound a good fit for you long-term, but never mind that tonight. Just switch your phone off, lock up and go to bed.

I find it hilarious that people say that an adult not being able to drive is 'a red flag' or 'an ick' but when adults who can drive seem to lose all sense of independence without their car and expect to be picked up, that's fine??? The double standards are wild.
Sorry I have had 🍷. Op why would you even consider picking him up?? He can get in a taxi.

Tell me he's getting a cab! To his own house!

Send this:
I'm off to bed now. Night! Probs best you collect your stuff tomorrow. You may as well head back to yours after your night out. Xx

I'd reevaluate this "relationship". There's not much in it for you.

Is it really an ick? I dont drive. I think society is safer that way😂

why would it be a red flag though??

“OK - it doesn’t work for me to pick you up later, so I’ll see you another time. Have a nice time and I’ll see you another weekend.”

I can’t be all his things, surely? Just an overnight bag. Which he can collect another day.

Unless he has some sort of medication left at your house that it’s dangerous to go without (unlikely if he can drink a skin full) tell him in no uncertain terms that you’re off to bed and he’s to go to his own house, and don’t answer your phone or the door.

This is much later than we originally planned. I'm glad you're having a good night, but I'm off to bed. Probably makes more sense to stay at yours tonight. I'll give you a call tomorrow. Night x

Did he now!

I agree with pp, text that you’re going to bed and he gets a cab back.

He’s (presumably) not a teen and you’re not his mother. If you’re pissed off about it don’t pretend you’re not. Suffering in silence now is a sure way to more of the same shit in future.

Also this.

Don’t text him. Just go to sleep. In the morning say - oh sorry I fell asleep.

How old is he and how long have you been together? It sounds like he prioritises his friends at weekends even when you are free which is not on at all.

How old is he? Rather odd that he spends every weekend with friends. Are they all single? Don't they have partners? I appreciate when DS is home you don't spend weekends together so even if he does spend weekends with friends who have partners then surely this would have been the perfect opportunity to introduce you? Just seems odd.

With bells on it

Didn't you post about him recently? This sounds very familiar. He doesn't stay over in the week because your 5 year old gets into bed with you? And he spends all weekends with his friends? And you talk about marrying him? He is not your partner