To not get why friend is like this?

[floaer]

Friend can be very competitive in a “I’m so busy with work/social life”’ way, it’s fine apart from being slightly irksome as she obviously has good qualities that outweigh this.

Anyway, she asked me and two mutual friends if we were doing our usual get together in December. Then when we started deciding on a date she said she’s too busy in December … then why suggest it?

She wants you to know how busy and special she is

Personally I would find other people to socialise with in December and when her schedule frees up a little you be really REALLY busy

I would ask her directly why she has suggested organising a meet up for December if she's too busy!

Then when we started deciding on a date she said she’s too busy in December…then why suggest it?

Well this is what most people would've asked her.

Please tell me you or your friend did?

I have a friend who think busy-ness is a competition. It's irritating. She will list a whole pile of things she has to do, whether we're speaking or messaging. It'll include laundry loads, cooking, dropping a DC somewhere and so on. She's definitely no busier than the average person. Just shouts it the loudest!

She once moaned to me that she never ever just has a weekend to “do nothing” and then another time moaned it was always her organising things with friends.

Sounds very annoying.

I agree with previous posters - ask her!

Wow. I would definately be "too busy" every time this friend would want to make plans😉

She is very busy telling everyone how busy she is.

She probably doesnt want to miss out so hoping the group can accommodate - because she is sooo busy!

She feels inadequate and likes to think of herself as important and in demand compared to the rest of you, and suggested a date just so she could then bring up how busy she is and ‘’oops, can’t make it after all’’

Either that or she is an introvert or socially anxious and likes the idea of meeting up but then changes her mind when it gets more real (ie, you all start to actually agree a concrete date). I’m an introvert and plans always seem a great idea until later then I think I can’t be arsed (always go though as I don’t like being a let down, but many people will cancel)

I have an ex friend who, without fail would tell me every year that my Christmas/ birthday/ card/gift would be late because she was sooooooo busy. Said card/ gift would be sent via her work's post room so not like she had to leave the building. She was also chronically late for everything. It must be hard being so important.

Being busy has become a badge of honour.

This sounds more like time blindness common in ADHD rather than just being rude if she’s always late AND forgetful. It depends though, you know your friend better. I have ADHD and have always been the exact same. It’s not deliberate, I just really struggle with time management and have since I can remember.

Another 'friend' said we must go out to celebrate my birthday but wasn't available for any dates because she had to stay home for her cleaner and wasn't going out for two weeks BEFORE her husband went in for a scheduled op. Why ask me then you self important knob???

Nah, not ND. Just competitive busyness. If you told her you were going somewhere this weekend she would reply with a whole calendar of future events. But sad really.

I’d just say that’s fine, and organise something with the other two. I suspect she’ll probably suddenly become available.

I think "no worries, we won't miss you" is the appropriate response.

Maybe just an excuse not to socialise then. My friends started telling me to be somewhere two hours before we’re actually due to go somewhere just so I’d actually turn up on time 🤣 but telling me about it wasn’t the wisest move!

One of my formerly fabulous friends has now got into the annoying habit of always going on about how busy she is. She has several children, but they are all at school, she doesn't work, has cleaners and a gardener and a husband who does all the morning school runs and all the driving.
Whenever we meet up, I ask her what she's been up to and she always moans about how busy she is.
It's actually got to the point when we've been texting and she's moaned about how busy she is and I've replied back that I'm the same and haven't stopped (whilst lying on the sofa eating biscuits in front of the telly!)

I had a friend like this. 'Had' being the relevant word. Used to text me to ask to meet up and say 'let's get together but I'm not free until July' . The text would be sent in Jan.

Just say ‘Oh, that’s a pity. Still, you can join in next time. If your calendar frees up, we’re going out on the 12th!’

Point her in the direction of Giles Coren's piece in The Times today OP.

This!

I think January is occasionally a better time as it is often a quieter time socially and more relaxing.