To leave abusive partner today?

[bluebella88]

Ever since our child was born 10 months ago my partner has been very nasty and abusive.

He is just so awful to be around, he has little
input in parenting our child and I do 95% of everything.
Every little thing I do he will jump on me and tell me I am wrong or stupid and my mental health is very low.

This isn't even his place, he has his own flat but when he comes he will tell me to be quiet, to go on the other room, I feel like prisoner in my own home.

Every day is constant arguing and he will mentally terrorise me to the point where I am
in tears begging him to stop.
Yesterday he told me to go in the other room to cry my crocodile tears.

It took him ages for him to leave and I just feel so alone and depressed.

He makes me feel so bad about myself and so worthless.
I just can't take anymore.

He will argue with me about the smallest things like telling me I'm stupid because I won't allow him to feed water to our baby with a bottle instead of a cup trainer.

I am on Sertaline because of the stress he causes me and I have also developed acid reflux which my doctor suspects is due to stress as I had loads of blood tests done and an Endoscopy done.

He will constantly moan about me not wanting to have sex with him and how he is a sex addict, I literally do everything and I have no energy for sex.

I feel really down today and yesterday he when I was sobbing he was recording me on his phone and said he would report me to social services as I was an unfit mother.

I am just so broken and don't know what to do.

You know what to do. Never allow him in into your home again and stop all communication with him. Call the police if you need to. Please call Women's Aid for help.

He's abusive, I echo the previous poster. End the relationship and do not let him into your house again. Do you have family support?

You will get through this, getting out of this relationship is the first step.

Does he have a key to your home? Get the locks changed. He’s abusing you and isn’t fit to be around your child

Do you have anyone you can talk to for support? GP? Health Visitor?

I would text him and tell him the relationship is over and you don't want him to come over. You could change the locks. I would bag up his stuff and tell him to pick it up from outside the door or if you can, drop it off at his.

I would let him go to court for child access (unlikely he will). If you need further support, you can contact your local domestic abuse organisation. I would also do the Freedom Programme.

Finish it.

You and your child deserve so much better than this.

Lock your doors, tell him to fuck off.

Leave him now. Also give Women's Aid a ring and talk to them www.womensaid.org.uk/about-us/contact/

Have he ever been physically violent toward you OP?

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

Good luck and hugs.

Change the locks

He has a key unfortunately.
I rent from a HA, I'm not sure if I would need to consult them first before changing the locks.

I just feel so alone, I have no friends or family
here at all.

I have applied to the council in my hometown and I have been receiving support from Women's Aid since March, the council said they would need to contact Women's Aid to confirm my situation before awarding me a band.

He said I will not stop him seeing our child.
I have tried so hard to make it work for the sake our son but I can't do it anymore.

He isn't supportive at all and I hate asking him for any kind of help as he will shout "for
f**k sake!"

I'm just very scared and I am on egg shells around him.
He will shout at me so loudly that the neighbours hear everything.
I feel so humiliated.

I'm not sure if I should just leave today to a refuge or just wait as the waiting list on the council I have applied to doesn't have a long waiting list and I should be awarded Band 2 according to Citizens Advice.

Do not text him or confront him in person. The vast majority of femicides happen when the victim of abuse decides to leave the relationship. Your firs step is to contact women aid and refuge. They will be able to talk you through how to exit the relationship safely.

Please call Women's aid and ring 101 for advice.
Tell the police you are trying to end a highly abusive relationship with a baby in the house and you are terrified of him.
They will put a marker on your address.
Tell them it is YOUR home.

Text him that the relationship is over.
Do not allow him back in.
Any hint of aggression, ring the police.

Please do this.
You don't have to tolerate this.

No he isn't physically violent but it's verbal and emotional abuse.
Like constantly criticising me and arguing with me for no reason.

It's not a relationship at all, far from it.
I feel so miserable around him and don't feel anything for him.

I wouldn't text him to tell him it's over, don't tell him it's over at all. That will likely bring out a whole new level of abuse. Call the police or womens aid and tell them you need to get out with the baby today. Don't tell him anything before you've left.

You don't need to go to a refuge OP as you have your own place and he's not physically abusive and hasn't threatened you.

You can change the locks on a HA property. You don't have to give him access to your child, he can go to court for access. If he becomes threatening then tell the police.

Keep in contact with Women's Aid they'll be able to guide you through this. You can also contact Gingerbread for advice on child access and maintenance. Put in a claim if you haven't already, through CMS.

Life is hard enough
Why on earth do people want to be nasty and abusive like this.
Love is for living and enjoying. Not living in fear and misery everyday.
Your getting nothing out of it, I wouldn't want to be with him.

He needs to lighten up and start being fun to be around.
Tell him life's better and easier when your nice.

@PassingStranger He needs to lighten up and start being fun to be around. Tell him life's better and easier when you’re nice.

ah, great sentiment, and we know that you’re saying that because you’re a nice person because you think it’s easier to be nice.

for abusers it’s actually a Herculean effort that they put on for the benefit of others, tricking them into thinking they are decent people, and to undermine their victims.

Why does he have a key? Please change the locks today, is there anywhere you can stay for a week or two?

@bluebella88 please call your HA and tell them you need support, you can of course change the locks - imagine if you’d lost your keys, you’d change them regardless of the day/time etc etc.

get the locks changed asap, go and buy new barrels for your doors and fit them.

is there anyway you can lock your door inside to stop people using a key? Do that. Keep it like that until you’ve changed the locks.

once that’s done, you text him and end it. Tell him if he shows up at your home you will call the police.

and make sure to call them too. Every single time.

He has a key so change the locks and block him, you need to get him out of your life

Please get him out of your life as much as you can.

You and your baby will be soooo much happier living in peace together.

Your neighbours despise him not you. They most likely wish you would split up from the twat.

do you have friends/family nearby? Could one of them stay with you/you go to them for a bit?

firstly, change the locks. Then email the HA to let them know what and why youve had to do this. They wont care.

then text him to say its over and block him on phone and socials. First week or so, close curtains and dont engage with him knocking on door. If he gets violent, call police. If he says hes going to commit suicide, call the police for a welfare check. Dont give in

youre going to have to white knuckle through this but stay strong and never let him in the house again.

work with womens aid, come on mumsnet for support. You can do this - youll find your MH improves once hes gone. Just you and your boy now in a loving peaceful home. Stay strong xx

Lots of good advice above.
I hope you have the strength to take action today because you know you really need to.

Change the locks and do not let him in. Call the police so they know the situation and if he's threatening to break down the door etc call them straight away.

I think you're doing the right thing planning to move away too. Don't tell him your new address.

It's really great that you haven't seemed to have encountered a man like this before, but if someone is yelling insults at you in your own home and stressing you to the point you're on medication, the time for friendly discussion is long past.

Contact the HA, ask them to change the locks, is he even supposed to have a key. You block him, any contact is through a third party, speak to women's aid and get this closer out of your life. The courts can decide on visitation for your child. There is no need for you to leave your home. Contact the police if he gets nasty, he needs to pack up any possessions he has at your flat.

Call Women's Aid. Ask for help and advice re getting him out of your life.

Call your HA and tell them you need to change the locks immediately. Ask if there's any possibility of a home swap/move without letting anyone know where you've gone due to the situation.

Call the police if he threatens you for not allowing him in your home.

Is he on the birth certificate?
Get legal advice.
File for CMS.