To expect exH to warn me if he’s bringing kids over

[Imaysnapandfart]

ExH took kids on holiday for a week so I had made plans for my evenings without the kids. I had arranged a date for this evening but without warning, the kids turned up at mine two days early.
ExH was like “surprise!”

And while of course I’m over the moon to see my kids as I had missed them, I was a bit miffed at not having had any notice, and having to cancel plans at such short notice.
Am I being unreasonable to expect some sort of pre warning? I mean, what if I had had the date over and we were in the middle of something?

Yes utterly unreasonable of him!
Not much you can do though if he's just dropped them off with no warning. Don't answer the door ?

Daughter has a key and they can track me on their phones so would have known I was home. I feel guilty for being annoyed because it’s lovely to see them, but I also feel like I’ve lost an evening.

Completely unreasonable, it’s the assumption that I wouldnt have any other plans that would piss me off!

Yes exactly - this too! It just feels unfair. I haven’t been in a date for so long and was looking forward to being an adult for an evening.

Totally bang out of order is what it is.
He took them on holiday for a week but returned them 2 days earlier than agreed? Why?
What would he have done if you were already out?
Idiot. (Him obviously)

"Surprise."

What a cock. How would he feel if you turned up with them Thursday instead of Saturday for weekend contact and said "surprise".

It shows a complete disrespect for your time and right to a life.

I'd absolutely be saying something once Out of earshot of the kids.

Yikes. What if you had been shagging in the middle of the sitting room with someone your kids havnt met. Ob ex thinks you have no life

This is weird and totally unreasonable of him. Absolute Disney dad syndrome - oh I'm bored of the kids / holiday / being a dad - I'll hand them back to their actual parent. Sigh.

Do you think he knew you had a date and wanted to sabotage? It does seem weird timing.

Can totally see why you're annoyed!

I would have told him that you have made plans and that he would have to take the kids with him.
I am pretty sure he would be mightily pissed off if you dropped the kids at his home without notice. Why should you be expected to do the same?

He's done it on purpose, hoping to catch you out.

i don’t think he could cope with having to actually parent for a long period of time. It was a Center Parcs type thing and he assumed the kids could just entertain themselves while he chilled out. But they’re 10 and 12 so not completely
independent.

He is being massively unreasonable to do this and I would be really annoyed!

This exactly!! They’d be scarred for life 😂
but it just feels disrespectful of my space and my time.

Op, what did you say to him?

So he hasn't actually completed the holiday and has come home early because he's a lazy parent and I'm assuming he could have taken them back to his for the remaining 2 nights he decided to off load them?

He would have been very passive aggressive and say things like “come on then kids, Mummy is too busy for you”.

This isn’t the first time he’s done this, just randomly turned up at my house with them when it’s his weekend. Glad I’m not completely unreasonable to be annoyed!

I was taken aback obviously, but the kids were very excited to see me - they had missed me and been a bit homesick. I didn’t feel like I could say anything at this point without hurting the kids’ feelings.
I will message him later and just say in future he needs to give me reasonable warning because I do have a life as well.

Deliberate sabotage of whatever you may have been doing with your time.

He didn't know you'd be going on a date but if he knew, he'd be considering this an achievement for him, probably.

I'd turn off your visibility on the tracking app (either entirely or just for your kids, if it's safe to do so).

I'd also state next time that you won't be home for much of it and to stick to the agreed time and date. If he doesn't do this, and pulls this again, I'd threaten him with family court.

Then I would have replied’ Daddy doesn’t want to spend any more time with you that is why he has brought you home early’
What is good for the goose is good for the gander

It's deliberate by him so you can't have a social life.

You need to stop sharing your location when they are with him. Your key in the lock so they can't get in.

Word of advice;although it's lovely your kids can see where you are on an App it also gives your ex an opportunity to track your movements when he has the kids.

I'd consider turning the App off when they are with their dad.

Do it back! Drop them off a day or 2 earlier than his normal day.

Absolutely totally unreasonable. I get that you couldn't really do anything else on the spot but I'd be having very very firm words. My ex used to try this, saying he "had" to drop them off mid afternoon instead of at 6 on the Sunday which would basically ruin the plans I had for that tiny slice of life I had. I just made sure I was elsewhere and that he knew there'd be noone in. It sounds heartless but single parenting is bloody hard and you have to protect that little but of time.

I would be pissed off too!
Clearly he couldn’t handle parenting for a week which is pathetic in itself but he really should have asked you first if it was ok to drop them home early, it’s just common decency.

I see from your update it’s not the first time he’s turned up without warning, that is so disrespectful and rude you deffo need to message him not to do it again.

Tell him he can't just turn up at yours whenever he feels like it. Its your home and he needs to make arrangements with you about coming to your house, and keep to them. Be firm, this is not OK.