School’s handling of neurodiversity

[Itsmyshadow]

I’m interested in others’ experiences of how schools approach neurodiversity to cater for the needs of neurodivergent and neurotypical children.

My friend’s ASD daughter is in DD’s class (year 4). Her daughter is clever and kind. She masks well in public (I would not suspect ASD if I didn’t know) but sometimes struggles a bit in class I think.

She’s friends with two of the groups of more popular girls, but according to her mum these girls are mean to her and frequently exclude her. DD spends her lunch and breaks playing football with the boys and so doesn’t see this, but she does go to afterschool club with these girls and sees them outside of school. They all seem to be lovely girls who are really kind to my younger children (my younger DD loves them).

It makes me wonder why they are mean to my friend’s DD, and I wonder whether how the school is handling her neurodiversity and that of others in her class is a major cause of this.

DD has started to complain that friend’s DD is allowed to have teddies on her desk, and others (who are likely neurodivergent) are allowed fidget toys, and that these children are allowed to go to the school sensory room at will, and DD would really like to go to the sensory room (dark room filled with colourful fairy lights, bean bags and sensory toys) and desperately wants a fidget toy. I have also heard many stories of friend’s DD instigating an argument and it being the neurotypical child told off. As an example friend’s DD said to another friend “your face isn’t very round” about a self portrait she was doing. DD heard and replied “that’s not very kind”, friend’s DD ran out of the room and without the teacher seeking to understand what had happened DD was told off.

The girls that are apparently mean to friend’s DD are all clever, hardworking and well behaved. They probably receive very little attention from the teacher because they just get on with their work, but equally they’re 8 years old and craving of that attention and validation and being made to feel special.

I don’t know what the right answer is, but I can’t help feeling that giving certain “privileges” to neurodivergent children might help them learn and regulate, but might do more harm in other ways. AIBU?

depends On the school. Don’t just go by ofsted but genuine attitude of teachers and head especially

So reasonable adjustments that help a disability are privileges. Wow!

In our school the children are well able to understand that fidget toys are for a reason and the children can rise above misplaced jealousy.

So to be clear - the strategies, interventions and tools that help children with additional needs should not be used because other children don't get to have them too, so - and I think this is what you said - they get bullied because they get special treatment.
FML. As a SENDCo I do what I need to to ensure my children are not just included, absolutely part of the very fabric of the school. As a parent of a child with license to fuck off to the sensory room whenever the mood takes her, while swinging her bag of fidget toys, I'm very glad your DD is not in school with mine.

I understand what you mean, it is a hotly debated issue in education: if I make special allowances for the ND student, will it cause other students to demonstrate poor behaviour or to feel hard done by?
However, in practice, it all comes down to the way the teacher is with the class. Being NT allows you to understand unspoken social behaviours, at 9 children already have enough emotional development to understand that not everyone thinks/feels the same way. If a child is given access to fidget toys or the sensory area, they are old enough to understand that this is not 'special treatment', it is due to a difference between them. The teacher needs to promote this understanding through inclusive language and educating the class about the importance of kindness, equality and compassion.

Girls can be really unkind to other girls that don’t fit in.

So in general children with ASD are given the ability to leave g to e classroom when they need to as a reasonable adjustment.

Children with ASD often have problems self regulating. In practice this means that if something sets off this cycle, then they get further and further into a fight or flight reflex.

Now this isn't too problematic if they tend towards the flight, although if they run out if the classroom/school then you do need to send a TA to keep an eye on them. Most schools these days are enclosed so you don't get kids running into the road outside the school like you did when I started in education twenty years ago.

More problematic are the ASD kids who tend towards fight reflex. That's when you get children hitting other children/adults, throwing chairs, etc etc.

I appreciate that it looks unfair to your child.

It is done to reduce violence and management/adult time spent tracking down kids that have run out of the classroom.

Some children need adjustments to be able to cope with the school day. That’s not special treatment or a privilege- it’s the basics they need to access education.

You remind me of the parent who complained my child gets 1-1 from a TA and her child didn’t. Apparently it wasn’t fair.

It's called msking reasonable adjustments so thst those with a disability can be more equal
Would you also complain if somebody in a wheelchair was allowed a ramp ?

@Bitt3rMoon and @Timeisnevertimeatall , no I’m not saying at all that neurodiverse children should not have these tools, but I just wonder whether it’s leading to different issues 🤷🏻‍♀️. And I used the word ‘privileges’ because that’s how my 8 year old sees it.

I have talked to her about how lucky she is that she doesn’t need any of these things to be able to regulate and learn, and how she should be grateful for that. I have explained to her what autism is in as child understandable way as possible but she doesn’t really get it. She’s 8 years old and wants her bunny on her desk with her 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I don’t know what the answer is. I was bullied at school and I hate to think of anyone being mean to anyone. It’s horrible. That’s what got me thinking about whether this could be a cause.

There was a thread on here where a poster couldn't understand why her typical child who waa excelling in everything couldn't have a 1:1 to stretch her even more ,you couldn't make it up.

She has issues that aren’t the problem or the responsibility of the disabled children in her class if she wants her bunny on her desk at 8.

It’s not leading to other issues because in society people have to accept that reasonable adjustments like wheelchairs, sensory aids etc are necessary.

As a SENCo, you should understand that it is difficult for children and adults to understand reasonable adjustments that can just seem like toys. It takes time to embed the idea of fidget toys supporting regulation as opposed to just being fun, the OP is questioning if this is t being handled well by the school, not that it shouldn’t happen. As a SENCo I am actually quite shocked by your attitude. Everyone has to have empathy and consideration for your daughter, but the feelings of another child are invalid? You need to have a look at yourself.

And pointing out that a self portrait isn’t being done accurately isn’t unkind. It’s blunt( which can be common with autism) but it’s not unkind. Unkind is complaining about reasonable adjustments and disability aids.

It takes a little time and may have challenges whilst it embeds in foundation but these children are in KS2.

This is like complaining that kids with serious mobility issues shouldn't be allowed a wheelchair in case kids who don't need one get jealous.

The parents and teachers of the jealous kids can talk about how different people have different needs, and then crack down on any bullying. That seems a better solution than denying access to the things the neurodiverse kids need.

I'm a secondary SENDCo. I think primary teachers are becoming more aware of how ND might present in girls, however, girls internalise their traits and this leads to overwhelming anxiety and things tend to come crashing down at secondary. Teachers tend to see 'good girls' rather than 'anxious girls'.

Children are very aware of fairness. We try to teach them about reasonable adjustments in an age-appropriate way, but if a ND child presents as 'normal' (in the children's eyes), then any accommodations will make them stand out. It's really tricky.

The best thing you can do is reassure your own children that some children have additional needs that aren't visible, and there could be any reason why a child needs something in class which they don't have.

I work in a Year 1 class with some children with very complex needs. Nearly all of the other children are very understanding of why x needs to do something when they don’t. We don’t make a song and dance of it just reiterate when needed about people being different.

An 8 year old child who loves her bunny does not have issues. She’s a child! I think we expect children to grow up far too quickly.

School is about learning. Learning that some people need extra support to get to the same level as you is part of that. If someone else is allowed teddies on their desk/fidget toys and you don't understand why then you should be able to ask that question. Having the answer explained for you properly is your right - and should help you be more able to understand how different we all are.

It's another learning opportunity to be able to explain or articulate that maybe you would like a teddy on your desk; and I personally am all for that conversation - I can see lots of reasons as an adult that I'd like a teddy on my desk... actually I don't have one, but maybe I'd find it reassuring?

Having a child with SEN and 2 'NT' DCs I've seen the strategies that can be used , and they sure as eggs are just as useful with Nt kids.

OMG @Bitt3rMoon - grown ups need sentimental items! I am surprised you could say that about an 8 year old

Thank you. I think this is exactly it. Friend’s child doesn’t present as need any extra support and understanding (to the other children at least) and so it’s perhaps harder to accept any ‘preferential’ treatment.

Perhaps those who are being mean have had things explained to them in a better way than I can. DD is not involved in the meaness but if she mentions it again next year I’ll speak to her teacher about having a chat with her to talk her through things better than I can.

I work in a primary school. Very few children in KS2 want or need a bunny on their desk.

Not bringing in toys is often on the list of information parents sign up to when they enrol their child into school.Foundation children are able to come to school without a teddy tucked under their arm so most NT children in KS2 will be able to too.

The term 'ASD daughter' is awful 😬

I'm a primary teacher and a parent of autistic DC. I teach KS1 and, if I have permission from the DC who requires additional adjustments and their parents, then I always explain to the class that some children find x, y or z more difficult and that's why things are sometimes different for them. I reinforce what rewards are available to everyone in the class.

Some of the children who have been meanest to my "weird" DD come across as lovely and hard working to others. Doesn't mean they aren't unkind when backs are turned.